Post # 1
I am having trouble with my MOH/Sister. I called her 3 weeks ago to beg her for the third time to email me the engagement announcement my mother had typed up on her computer because I was getting a lot of pressure from my FMIL/FGMIL about it not being in the paper yet. I guess asking my 21yo sis to email me a file was too much for her because she gave me a hard time for not giving her things to do to help and when I told her the most helpful thing she could do would be to email me the file I needed, and get healthy (she has bronchitis, strep(4x), and mono in the months since we got engaged) she went off the handle and she called me a bridezilla and something else that starts with a b… and told me she was done with me and hung up on me. And now we haven’t talked for 3 weeks and I still don’t have the file so I had to write up a new one with my mom.
Note that I am planning this wedding by myself while finishing school, preparing to move, and working. My mom has been away taking care of her ailing parents, which is fine with me (we just lost my mom’s dad so taking care of grandma is a big deal right now). My Fiance is working full time and not really able to help, and my BM’s are in different states and working and going to school so they can’t really help. I am just wondering was I wrong to ask that my sis who is in school full time, working part time and president of her sorority take 5 minutes and send me an email? I know we all have a lot on our plates but seriously what did I do wrong?
Post # 3
Um, I’m going to say that if she’s been sick that many times, then yes, she’s WAY overextended. In college, I would get the flu for a week (full on, down for the count) after every semester. Between 16-18 credits, my extra curriculars, work, maintaining grades, social life, etc, (then tacking on interviews for internships and jobs) I couldn’t have taken on an extra thing.
No, it’s not a big deal to send an email, but if she has a desk top computer, she has to be at it in order to send it AND be thinking of it at the same time. Difficult? No. Easy to forget? Yes.
I know you really want help with this, but she sounds REALLY busy. AND if she hasn’t been in a wedding before, she probably doesn’t even understand all of the stuff she should be helping with.
Also, don’t discount your Out of Town BMs, theres actually a lot they can do! (2/3 of mine are 2000+ miles away.)
Good luck, and hugs!
Post # 4
First she has a laptop that is never more than 6″ from her. She is addicted to that thing.
Second the only thing I need her to do was send an email. That is all I was ever going to ask her to do besides show up for the rehersal and wedding. And she straight out refused and decided she was done with me because I was “too demanding”. I’m your freaking sister send an email for crying out loud. This is not a huge undertaking and certainly no reason to avoid your own sister for this long.
I know she is busy, I have been there, and am doing as much or more than she is right now as far as class load and work goes and I a pile of other things on my plate that she doesnt so I know how hard it is to try and get everything done. I was doing homework from my hospital bed after emergency surgery two weeks ago because it needed to be done. So I’m sorry if I don’t feel bad that I asked her to take the next 5 minutes out of her party prep ritual to send and email.
Post # 5
Sounds pretty catty on her end, although I can understand how stressful it is to be sick in college. I definitely do not think sending an email was too much to ask, especially considering how much time many college students spend on their computers. I think the best thing to do is try and make amends – you definitely don’t want this to continue all the way until the wedding. Don’t assume to know what the other has on their plate or else it can get really frustrating – I had that problem at work thinking people were incompetent when I just didn’t know what all they had going on.
Post # 6
@Riot: Hi, I didn’t read what the PP had to say, but I just wanted to show some support. I don’t think asking for a file to be emailed was too much…she is 21 not 5, and the maid of honor. I hope things get better for you and she grows up a little. Being sick in college sucks but even when I was dying with the flu and couldn’t get out of bed to feed myself if I had an assignment due (and this is like an assignment of sorts) I got it done.
I hope everything turns out fabulously.
<3/Ms. Polar Bear
Post # 7
Thanks bees. I have tried to talk to her and she just ignores my calls and doesnt answer texts or anything. I just wish we could find a way to get past this. But I cant apologize for upsetting her if she wont talk to me.