(Closed) MOH drama (vent) ! Please help..Sorry so long.

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

@Jessie973: Is there any way you can break this up into paragraphs so its more readable.

Post # 4
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It sounds like she’s struggling with serious depression, not like she’s just blowing you off. Try to think how you would handle the situation as a friend, not as a bride who’s pissed at her bridesmaid. I don’t think there’s any reason to kick her out of the wedding, especially since she already has a dress. Just be there for her. As for the shower/bach party, do you have other bridesmaids who can organize that stuff?

Post # 5
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow.  Just, wow.  You need to take a serious step back and think about what is important in life.  Your family is way more important than what your wedding invitations look like.  First of all, it’s not her responsibility to plan your wedding.  It’s YOUR responsibility.  You chose to get married, not her. And secondly, even if she did offer to help and is now backing out on this offer perhaps you should spend some time thinking about her rather than just about yourself.  You even say she is battling with depression.  Did it cross your mind to ask her if there is anything YOU can do to help HER get through this difficult time instead of attacking her because she didn’t plan your wedding for you?

Post # 7
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She sounds like she’s actually dealing with some pretty serious depression.  Instead of cutting her out of your life right now, you should really try to dig in and figure out what’s going on, make her feel important, etc.  Sure, don’t have her be your Maid/Matron of Honor, but don’t do it because you’re upset with her.  Keep her as a bridesmaid. But yeah, the things she’s doing are pretty worrisome.

Post # 8
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Jessie973: We can all get caught up in wedding drama and the stress of planning, especially since you’re so close to your wedding date. Just try to remember that there is life after the wedding, and it sounds like your cousin will need your support! Maybe standing up with you in the wedding will be a bright spot in the depression that she seems to be experiencing. Have you encouraged her to seek professional help?

Post # 9
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Jessie973:

 

If that’s the exact wording of your text, that’s pretty damn harsh.  Wouldn’t it have been better to call her or take her out to lunch to discuss these important issues?

Post # 11
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It sounds to me like she has some very serious issues with depression going on. I know this is a stressful time for you, but I really think that you need to take some time to focus on her and remember that it isn’t just you that she’s pulling away from…it’s everyone. She needs you.

Post # 12
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

honestly, i think you need to take a deep breather and re-evaluate everything.  As  someone who has struggled with depression, I see alot of warning signs in your cousin.  She is planning your wedding, doing everything for you, and you have not cut the girl any slack.  She is depressed, she needs help.  You are right.  Your wedding is not her first priority, and it shouldn’t be.  It sounds like you have taken control of your wedding planning, which is good.  Now, be a friend/sister to your cousin and be there for her.  Chances are, some things have happened and she doesn’t want to tell you and rain on your parade. 

Post # 14
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I hope you take the advice you’ve gotten so far to heart. You aren’t being a good friend to your cousin. Contrary to what you may have been expecting, it isn’t the responsibility of your Maid/Matron of Honor to plan your entire wedding and do everything for you. The Maid/Matron of Honor should be there for you and help you as much as she can. It sounds like your cousin is doing this — she has been trying to support you and assist you even after confiding in you that she has some serious depression. The only thing you’ve told her is that she’s letting you down? The girl was supposed to pick your menu, pick your photographer, make your cake, make your invitations, decorate your venue, and who knows what else. All of those duties sound like thing either YOU or a wedding planner (ie, someone who gets paid!) should be doing.

Your cousin is depressed. She told you this in confidence and, despite her state of mind, proceeded to make all of your wedding invitations. Do you know what kind of undertaking that is?

Please reevaluate yourself and your friendship/relationship with your cousin. Also consider making some changes to your wedding (ie, hire a planner or cut down on some things) because it sounds like you either don’t want or don’t have time to be involved, and it shouldn’t fall on the shoulders of your Bridal Party to do this alone.

Post # 15
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

it seems surprising that she offered to do all the planning; maybe i just like to be more in control than you do, but i would never accept that offer from someone, or expect anyone else to take care of the details for my wedding like that. one of the things that gets repeated a lot on this site because it’s just so true is that no one cares as much about your wedding than you and your fiance, and that’s the way it should be. it sounds like she’s already gone above and beyond the call of moh-duty, so if i were you i’d make sure to let her know how much you appreciate what she’s done. if she’s withdrawing from everyone, she may be seriously depressed, as other posters have written, which means she needs your compassion and empathy. your wedding details are your and your fi’s responsibility, not hers.

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