(Closed) MOH drama…(sorry, long)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

oh you poor girl *hugs* how many other bridesmaids do you have?  Is there anyone else around for you to lean on, instead of her?  I’d really consider ‘demoting’ her.  The Maid/Matron of Honor should be just that – an honorary position, and she should be there to help you instead of adding to the stress.  I’m really really sorry, and I hope that things turn around really soon!

Post # 5
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry!  Wow-her behavior seems kinda strange and extreme!  Do you have other BMs or other people in your life that are supporting you/your decisions and wedding plans?  I would maybe surround myself with other positive, supportive people and at this late date, just let it go, I guess.  Enjoy your day-no matter what!

Post # 6
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe she is behaving in a passive-aggressive way.  Maybe she’s jealous, or upset with her life, or doesn’t like yoru Fiance.  Who knows?

She has been worse  than not helping.  She’s gotten your hopes up that she would help, and made you drive to her place, which is time you’ll never get back, only to not help you.  Ridiculous.

I can’t tell you if you should demote her or not. But if it was me, I’d seriously consider it.

Post # 7
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This may sound really b****y and very harsh but I would tell her that she is relieved from being Maid/Matron of Honor since it is too much for her to handle. She is being so rude and unkind to you and not deserving AT ALL to stand up beside you on your wedding day as your Maid/Matron of Honor. I would tell her to forget the bachelorette party, that someone else will take care of it.

Would you want her to even be a BM? Since she has a dress and it’s 12 days out, I might consider letting her to remain a Bridesmaid or Best Man but if it doesn’t improve bt you 2, I would tell her she’s welcome as a guest. Don’t be afraid to tell her how you feel, it will only get worse the longer you hold it in and resentment will build up. I’m so sorry this is all happening right now.


Post # 9
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Unfortunately, if you do ask her to back down, it’s almost a guarnatee that you will lose her friendship. I’m curious to know what it was that you called her about that your Fiance was upset about. Maybe she was being defensive when she hung up on you. My thought is that no one is required to help you with your wedding unfortunately. Yes, it’s great when you have the support of your Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids, but I didn’t get much help with mine. My Maid/Matron of Honor was getting married 2 weeks before me and had her own wedding to worry about. I wasn’t really expecting anyone to help. I do understand that she offered and then blew you off, once you got there, but you did let it happen. I think I would’ve asked her if she wanted to help while you were there, and if not, I would’ve headed home rather than do wedding stuff at her house while she played video games.

Sorry, I know this isn’t exactly what you wanted to hear, but it sounds like you expected a lot out of her, and though I don’t think it’s right for her to treat you the way she did, I also don’t think you should expect anyone to help you with your wedding…

Post # 10
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have no insight to give, I’ve had the worst time with BM’s too.  It sucks!  And I realize that its so much easier to tell someone else what they should do as opposed to doing it yourself.  (There are only 2 BM’s I can even say are good friends at this point) 

I just wish you well, I hope the day itself is amazing.  You’re almost done with the stressful part 🙂

Post # 11
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I totally know how you feel.  I am going through a similar problem with my Maid/Matron of Honor right now, and it has turned into an AWFUL situation.  If you do decide to talk to her about it, be sure you have a script, because it is likely to blow up in your face.  When I tried to speak to my Maid/Matron of Honor (on two separate occasions, in a very calm manner) she immediately got super defensive and turned everything around on me.  I know for a fact that I have not been a bridezilla during my planning process, and the only two things I have asked of my Maid/Matron of Honor were to see my dress (10 min away) and come with me to my hair trial.  She has done neither, and when I addressed these issues with her, she told me that I needed to be more specific when I want her help, because she doesn’t think any of this is a big deal.  I am the first of our friends to get married, so she has no frame of reference on this situation, and I don’t think she’ll understand the importance of any of this until it is her turn to get married. 

I would try to rely on another good friend, or other bridesmaids, for emotional support during this time. Because heck, it sure is emotional!  If she is unwilling to be there for you during the preparation time, she probably won’t be much help on the big day.  Find someone else to rely on…that’s what I had to do, and it has helped.  If I could do it all again, I would totally change all of my bridesmaids…crazy how people change, huh?

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