(Closed) MOH Engaged

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I think if you were good enough friends to ask her- you should seriously think before you kick her out. maybe go out to coffee with her and ask her about why she likes him, why she is so in a hurry etc. If she was really your friend she is worth a chance, bc you will loose her for sure if you kick her out!

Post # 4
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

wow.. what was your relationship before you were engaged?  Have you guys been friends for a long time?  This is my take on this whole wedding planning process, if anyone is stressing me out and giving me crap over stuff that isn’t necessary(family or friends) and you’re in the wedding.. you’re out.  This is your time, if people can’t get with that and understand that.. tata!  Maybe I’m too harsh lol But still.. get with it or get to walkin!

Post # 6
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I think dealing with the friendship is more important than who is in your wedding or not. i’d try to fix it then re-evaluate it. Treat the friendship independant of the wedding for now,

Post # 8
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

@mimosa – I don’t think Maid/Matron of Honor getting engaged = giving the bride crap/stressing her out unnecessarily 🙂 

@nychickrae – The Maid/Matron of Honor is not obligated to help you with the planning process. However, I can totally understand how her engagement to this guy could be upsetting and get in the way of your relationship with her. I almost wonder if your engagement somehow made her feel that she had to get married as well and played a role in her rush to get engaged to this guy.  I think there are two issues here (her role in the wedding and her own engagement) and you should address them separately). If you’d like her not to be Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, maybe tell her you’re concerned that she has a lot going on right now and won’t have a chance to be involved with your wedding. Make it sound like you’re concerned about stressing her out rather than “kicking her out.”

Regarding her engagement, she’s more likely to listen to you if you’re concerned rather than judgmental. Talk to her a lot. Ask her questions and listen to her feelings. Rather than telling her to dump the guy (which she most likely won’t listen to), talk to her about why she feels the need to get married now. Try to show her that there’s no reason to rush.

Good luck!

 

Post # 9
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry things have been hard for you.  But did you tell her that you would like her help with wedding planning or did you just expect it?  Honestly, a lot of bridesmaids don’t do as much work lately as they used to.  I did not have the help of my bridesmaid and it was hard but I learned to readjust my priorities.

As for her being engaged, there are some people that never listen to other people’s advice no matter what even if they are doing the completely wrong thing.  I had a friend who rushed into marriage and got a divorce but she didn’t want to hear my concerns about the relationship before it got bad.

In the kicking her out thing, is your friendship as a whole not worth enough to look past these things?  I doubt she would be able to plan a huge extravagent wedding in less than 5 months so if she did get married before you it probably would be a smaller thing.  I do understand how bad it feels to have people who get engaged after you to end up married before you are but in the end you don’t have a corner on the entire year and your wedding will be just as great even if they were married before you.

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well.. let’s not get too judgy of her, I know emotions are flying. Your wedding is 1 month before mine – all my BM’s or MOH’s have done so far is agreed to be in the wedding. Plus, what she decides to do in her personal life shouldn’t affect her status, so far you’ve been good enough friends to have her as your Maid/Matron of Honor. 

You obviously care about  her, sit her down and talk about her decisions. Ask to spend more time with her Fiance, but don’t say anything super negative. If she really decides to get marreied before you, don’t get upset until you find out all the facts, like what kind of wedding it will be and how much involvement she needs from everyone. I mean, if she’s going to the JOP with 2 witnesses, so what? But if it’s a huge wedding with a bridal party, shower, bach, etc. I’d be a little upset and express that to her.

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wasn’t saying her getting engaged was stressing her out.. but she hasn’t be helping her like she wants her Maid/Matron of Honor to, that’s what I was referring too.  I think she understood what I was saying. 

In whatever you decide to do NyChick, make sure it’s true to you and when you look back at it, you won’t regret it.

Post # 14
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe you should have a serious talk with her about whether or not she still wants to be in your wedding since she hasn’t really been involved with you and is very involved with her own engagement.

Post # 15
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Re: the Maid/Matron of Honor getting engaged so fast. My husband and I were married a month BEFORE our one year daing anniversary and now we’ve been married for four months. It’s really not your place to tell her who she can date and marry. And ditto pp when they said that her engagement and her role as your Maid/Matron of Honor are two entirely separate issues. As a girlfriend, you can approach her with the statement that you’re concerned about her and you want to make sure he’s a good guy and that she is happy with him and that he is treating her right. But make sure to do this in a separate conversation on a DIFFERENT day than any talk re: your wedding.

Obviously she is going to way more involved in her own wedding, her own engagement and way more happy about and interested in those things than your own. Just because you were engaged first doesn’t give you the monopoly on her interest in wedding planning. I personally don’t understand why brides think anyone else besides their Fiance is obligated to help them. My H barely helped me (per my request, lol) and all my mom did was get me in my dress. I did all the rest and I would never have expected my friends to help me (even if I had had BMs, which I didn’t). That’s where your problem is.

You need help? Someone to talk to? If she’s not interested, I would point you in your FI’s direction, possibly your mom’s, other girlfriends that are more interested? But as a Maid/Matron of Honor right now, putting together someone ELSE’S invitations just isn’t that fun and if you thought about it, you probably wouldn’t blame her for it.

Lower your expectations of her as your personal wedding planning assistant, be there for her as a friend when she’s going through her own engagement and hopefully, she’ll be there for you. But, please remember, she is NOT your wedding planner or your maid! GL!

Post # 16
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Well, she is engaged to someone you dont like and she isnt helping with the wedding at all. 1. You may not agree with who she is with, but youre not with that person… so i dont think that should be a factor. 2. Honestly, most bridesmaids dont help… it is sad but true.

But if you dont think this girl will be there for the last few weeks/months of YOUR wedding, then… i think maybe you should let her out. She doesnt want to get makeup done and fun stuff on your big day? That is weird… she is a bridesmaid!!

Even if she is a good friend, a good bridesmaid will be there for you

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