- Miss Watermelon
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
I am so upset. My best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor are having a really tough time. We have been friends for 15 years and been there for each other through some really difficult times. I’m not even sure where to start.
She got married 3 years ago and I was was her Maid/Matron of Honor. She got engaged after 8 months to man that lived hundreds of miles away. I had been in a relationship for 5 years when this happened. I thought that it would be painful for me to see her get married so quickly when I had been waiting for so long. However I was overjoyed and was with her every step of the way. I flew out for her shower/bachelorette weekend and then again for the wedding day. I even managed to get a grip when my 6 year relationship ended and be there for her as she was for me.
Flash forward to when I got engaged. She was very happy for me. However from that point on it has been strained. MY Fiance and I set a date rather quickly for 6 months from our engagement. Yes it was quick but there was time to plan. After setting the date, I spoke to her about some possible dates for the wedding shower and bachelorette parties. She lives on the east coast and would need to make arrangements to fly to the west coast. Same as I did 3 years ago. She gave me the dates and I spoke with my family and my aunt, who was hosting and we set the weekend. Good to go, I thought.
Meanwhile, her husband and her have been trying to concieve and it has been extremely difficult. They ended up doing in vitro which was extremely difficult for them. So much so that she said she may not be able to travel for the shower. I completely understood how important this was to her and was ok with her missing everything.
Then she found out about a month after my enagement that they were pregnant. We were all excited but it was not easy starting out.
It eneded up that she was going to be able to come to the shower. I was thrilled. Especially because she has not been to my home in five years nor seen my new house we bought.
She had a miscarriage a few months later and was devastated. I was devestated for her. Needless to say the timing of our lives has not been more off. As the weeks went by she felt better and was getting through the day and begining to feel more herself. I was so proud of her effort to stay sane and get through this.
She said she may or may not be able to come to the shower and was waiting for the doctors final say. So we both hoped she could come. About 2 weeks before the shower she laid the news on me. She wasn’t coming. She told me that she could travel if absolutely necessary. If I was on my deathbed or in the hospital she could. She said, if you really need me there I could come but she wanted to be conservative and take care of her body so she could have another baby. I was heartbroken but as a good friend I tried to understand and be supportive. It has been a really tough time for her.
Well right before the shower weekend I find out she went on a plane to the final four with her husband. I was so upset that she chose not to tell me and that she could travel to watch basketball but not to be at the shower, especially when we had arranged it around her schedule. I chose not to confront her because I wanted to have a fun weekend.
Well, time has gone by and I have called and she has called but we have not connected until today. I was straightforward about my feelings and how upset I was. Her reaction was defensive and her answer was to apologize but with strings. She said she had to make a tough choice and that the basketball had been planned for a year and it was important to her husband. She also thought that my issue was small and that one day I would understand about making tough choices. She apologized for not telling me but basically put it all back on me saying if I wanted to end the friendship I could . That she was not going to be responsible for it ending and it was my choice she was uninvited to the wedding.
Wow I as shocked. I just wanted to express my feelings and move forward. Se kept saying how hard it is for her now and that I should just let it go, that this was not a big deal. She also said that the conversation was putting pressure and stress on her and how could I do that to her when she was suppose to be relaxing for the sake of the futrue baby. At the same time she is telling me that I should have called when I found out and that I can talk to her about anything.
I feel completely stuck in the middle and unsupported by her and disrespected. It never once crossed my mind to end the friendship. I have been trying not to involve her too much because I didn’t want to stress her out and now she is telling me she may not have the energy to do it.
I understand she is going through a difficult time but I need support too. I need my best friend. Am I being selfish? Am I asking too much? I just feel so hurt by the way she handled the situation and even more by her reaction. It felt very manipulative and uncaring. I don’t think that she got it at all.
Help bees! Has anyone been through this. I am so sad and it feels like my heart is breaking.