(Closed) MOH Flaking Out – But She's My Sister!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would just remember that you ask people to be in your Bridal Party because they are your nearest and dearest, not because of what they can do for you.  My Maid/Matron of Honor lived 500 miles away and while she helped with whatever she could, she wasn’t able to help with a lot of stuff.

I think you need to lower your expectations.  I honestly think it was pretty crappy of you to guilt trip her into going dress shopping with you.  Maybe she really needed the money.  Maybe the coworked was desperate for some time off and your sister was trying to help out a friend.  She probably did have to check with her husband in order to make plans for someone to watch their daughter.

You said yourself that your sister has a lot going on in her life.  I would cut her some slack and I would definitely not kick her out.  Even giving her an ultimatum such as “If you can’t do X, Y, and Z, then you can’t be my Maid/Matron of Honor,” would be a crappy thing to do.  A Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t a role you have to work for or earn by doing certain wedding deeds (besides the basics of getting the dress, showing up clean and sober, holding the bride’s bouquet, and signing the marriage liscense).

I’m sure your sister does want to help, but is just too busy with her life to be able to dedicate much time to your wedding.  You can definitely keep asking her to help with stuff and go dress shopping with you, but it’s unfair to guilt trip her or hold it against her if she can’t make one of these optional activities.  And remember, you have a mom, your other sister, and your friend to lean on and ask for help too.

Post # 4
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I understand your frustration and confusion in this situation. My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor too and she has been less than pleasant so far. I dont know how to help you but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and hopefully things will work out. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SweetMelissa429:   I don’t think that it’s very fair of you to assume that I ask friends/family to be in my wedding because of what they can do for me.


Oops, that’s not what I meant!  I was trying to remind you why you asked your sister to be in your Bridal Party: because she is your nearest and deartest.  So when she isn’t available to help, it’s ok becuase that’s not why you asked her.  I didn’t mean to imply that you only asked her because of what she can do for you.  I guess I didn’t word that very well.

I can understand why you’d be bummed she isn’t more involved.  Is she good with emails?  If she’s busy and can’t get together for lunch, this might be the way to go.  That way she can help on her own time.  If this is still bothering you after a few more days, you might also be able to talk about it.  It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with her so she probably won’t be offended.  Maybe she’s feeling like all you do is talk about wedding (not saying this is the case) and you aren’t supporting her enough.  Or mabye she doesn’t realize she was being so flakey.

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