(Closed) MOH from Hell

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would call her and say that with the wedding, trying to accomodate your mom, dealing with her illness, you need more support from her (and less boat rocking). If she’s unable to give you the support you need at this difficult time and accept the decisions that you are being forced to make in the wedding because of circumstances outside your control, she is more than welcome to step down.

Post # 4
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Holy cow – your Maid/Matron of Honor is being totally unreasonable, but perhaps she doesn’t know all the details.  Are any of your other guests bringing dates (like your sister, or your groom’s best man, etc)?  Maybe she thinks you’re snubbing her and doesn’t understand that you’re having a very intimate small wedding.

Since you’ve been friends forever, I would try to talk to her again.  Just explain how intimate your wedding is and how small it will be.  Maybe explain how an extra person ups the cost by x-amount because of all the extras you will have to provide for that one person.  Let her know that you’re truly sorry her boyfriend cannot be invited, but you really hope she won’t let that interfere with your friendship or your wedding.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you and your friend can work this out!  I’m sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 5
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

First, I’m so sorry that you are going through this and about your mother and she and your entire family are in myt thoughts and prayers.

Moving on to your MOH- I had a similar situation (tho, admittedly not as bad as yours) with the girl that was my Maid/Matron of Honor, she ended up putting me through hell when very little was asked of her. In the end I realized that our relationship had turned toxic and that I couldn’t allow her at my wedding or in my life anymore. It turned out to be a blessing and I think that had I allowed her to be involved in my day she would have brought me down.

I think that the same thing could be said for your relationship with your Maid/Matron of Honor. Her behavior is beyond unforgivable with her comments about your mother but you forgave her and kudos to you for being the bigger person. As for the date thing, I think she is being immature and selfish. . While it’s true that the bridal party is usually allowed to bring a date, it’s ultimately up to the bride and groom and you have made a decision about that. She is suppose to be there for you the day of the wedding, not worrying about a date, which if he doesn’t know anyone she will be trying to entertain him all night. I would stick to your guns and not allow her to bring anyone. If she continues treating you so negatively and being so mean I think that perhaps you should cut off contact with her. Maybe you can repair your relationship down the road but right now you don’t need that kind of stress on top of what you are already dealing with, especially when this is suppose to be an extremely happy time for you and your Fiance.

Good luck with everything and I hope it turns out for the best!

Post # 6
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

How horrible! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. One of my oldest friend’s went through something similar with her “best” friend. None of it made any sense but I the likely cause was jealousy – she desperately wanted to get married, but at the time had major problems with her relationship. I don’t think she could stand seeing someone else happy. It’s really sad! The other girl pretty much took herself out of the wedding and she was the Maid/Matron of Honor.

Honestly though, I think having her not there made it easier – who wants someone like that to be part of your life? If she “forced” herself to go, then my friend would have had a harder time in the future with her and will always be plagued with pictures of her.

My suggestion is to take her out of the wedding. Her behavior is totally unacceptable. She has no consideration for anyone else and sounds like a horribly bitter person. Plus, she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to continue your friendship.

I honestly think she’s made it a lot easier for you to cut her out. Sometimes it’s hard to let go, especailly if you’ve known each other for years … but at this point in your life, you have so many other people to put your time into, people that truly care for you and will be happy for you. Just let her go and move on.

Post # 7
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh wow, she sounds horrible!  I know there are 2 sides to every story but I can’t imagine how she could justify herself in her version.  I can’t blame you for not wanting her there.  I’d ask her to meet with me, so I could tell her how I feel.  And give her a chance to express herself, maybe she’s going through something too, that you don’t know about.  You’re going through so many things, you need an understanding, supportive friend.  Not one who chooses to be selfish and self absorbed.  If she’s not receptive, if she doesn’t acknowledge what she’s been doing wrong, you may want to avoid further headache and ask her to not attend.  I hope it doesn’t come to that, it’d be a shame to end such a long friendship.

Post # 8
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would just ask her to step down – your sister sounds like a much more supportive Maid/Matron of Honor anyways.

Post # 9
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

What kind  a friend would treat you this way when your mother is sick and you are planning your wedding? I would let her know in no uncertain terms that her attitude has shown that she is no kind of friend, as she has offered no support and has just acted selfishly. Then tell her that not only is she no longer Maid/Matron of Honor, but she is no longer invited to the wedding. The nerve!

Post # 10
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

First of all, so sorry about your mom’s illness, I hope things will get better for her.

Second of all, sadly, it seems that true emotions come out at weddings and you seem to see who your real friends are. Maybe your friend is scared that your marriage will take your time away from her and that is why she is acting so crazily? Or she is just jealous?

With the way she has already been acting I would just tell her she is causing too much drama in an alrady stressful situation and that she will no longer be Maid/Matron of Honor but is more than welcome to attend the wedding, ALONE.


Post # 11
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’d kindly let her know that her help with the wedding will no longer be needed. Sounds like she really doesn’t take the role seriously at all.

Post # 12
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with most of the bees.  Kindly ask her to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor.  Have your sister as Maid/Matron of Honor.  Disinvite your friend from your wedding — and life.  She can go spend time w/ her bf.  You don’t need that negativity on your wedding day — and life.

Post # 13
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Wow. Wow. Wow.  I can’t believe she’s acting like this, esepcially with you dealing with your sick mom.  I kind of feel like the pp’s who say you should just ask her to step down.  If she is going to whine that she’s done with you after the wedding and hasn’t lifted a finger, what makes her think that you really need her that much AT the wedding itself?

But I’m intriqued by the part where you say you’ve never seen this negative side before.  I would consider calmly talking to her and seeing what’s up.  Like pp said, maybe she’s jealous.  (I’m thinking about the part where she said you just don’t want her to have a date.)  Maybe she’s shaken by your mom’s illness too?  BUt  Iwould let her know how you’ve been feeling because of her behavior.    And if she is jealous, well that’s kind of a natural response.  But she needs to suck it up because one day she’ll get married, and  it would suck if she alienated all her friends and had no one left. 

Good luck with your mom.

Post # 14
14 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

maybe for some reason she is uncomfortable going with out a date.  do you think this is the case?  if so maybe you should give her a graceful out.. I mean I know she is a good friend of yours but maybe all that you are going through with your mom is even more stress than she can handle.  I would just explain her… “I’m sorry that I cannot allow you to bring a date.  I wish that we could invite more friends and family”  Tell her you would really like to have here there to support you but it’s just not possible and ask her if she would rather not go.. or maybe you can work something out with her and see if she wants to spring for some of the extra costs that would accumulate because she is brining a date?  Idk.. but she has been your friend for a very long time.. I would lay out the situation on the table, and just say this is how it is.. and ask her what her ideas are..

Post # 15
179 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not sure how much a final heart to heart with the Maid/Matron of Honor is going to do. It seems like you’ve tried on numerous occasions to explain your positions and reasoning while Maid/Matron of Honor is hellbent on acting like a total b!t$h. Sorry to refer to your Maid/Matron of Honor as that but any friend who would have the audacity to talk trash about your sick mother even after you tell her to shut up is a vindictive and cruel person. Period.

Take a few days to think about the whole situation so you can really decide whether or not having Maid/Matron of Honor in the wedding is worth it. Remember that by asking her to step down you’re also ending your friendship as well. With MOH’s ridiculous behavior you may not miss her too much if she’s out of your life. You have a lot on your plate right now and the last thing you need to do is deal with unnecessary drama. It’s just surprising how even after all of these years she’d start acting this way during a time when you need her support the most.

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