Post # 1
Please help me.
My MOH/lil sis and I haven’t talked in almost 5 weeks. We got into a fight because after facebooking her, texting her, and leaving voicemails, I finally got a hold of her and asked her yet again to email me the engagement announcement she and my mom had typed up. This was apparently too much for her and caused her to freak out calling me the dreaded b-word (bridezilla). Now this is the first time I have asked her to do anything wedding related aside from being in my Maid/Matron of Honor. She volunteered to type up the announcement and email it to me and 5 months later I still didn’t have it. I know she is a busy college kid, I get it, I have been there. Heck I am still there. I am a full time student, working full time, and planning a wedding (which we all know is a full time job in itself). I don’t think I asked for too much but apparently it was. At then end of our phone call she declared that she was “f-ing done” with me because I am too needy.
Ok Bees, what do I do? She is my sis and Maid/Matron of Honor. I have tried to call and apologize for fighting with her and all I got in response was on of her friends texting me to “stop leaving her harrasing messages”. I want to make things right with her, and I can’t give her shower info and set up dress fittings if I can’t talk to her. HELP!!!!!
Post # 3
Huh. Honestly, this doesn’t make any sense to me. Her reaction to you sounds WAY out of whack. If she volunteered to write your engagement announcement, I really don’t understand why she’d be mad at you for asking for it….?? Is it possible that she’s jealous of you and the attention you’re getting because of the wedding? Or could something else be bothering her? There must be something else going on.
Do you have other siblings? If I were you, I’d just keep trying to talk to her, I guess. If it were a friend, I’d choose another Maid/Matron of Honor after she said she was “f-ing done,” but since it’s your sister… I’d keep trying before replacing her.
I am sorry this is happening. It sounds so frustrating.
Post # 4
@Riot: Wow, that was super rude of her! Your Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to HELP you, not scream at you for asking for something that they volunteered to do 5 months ago. Totally out of line. Would you be able to talk to your parents about it? If she’s not willing to help, I would ask her to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor because you’re going to need the help as you get closer as well as at the wedding.
Post # 5
Is there something else going on? Were their other things before this incident? How was your relationship before the engagement? Is it possible that she is feeling angry because you are getting married or getting attention? I know, lots of questions. I’m not asking for you to answer here on the board but just a few things to think about. I think, like another post suggested, it is not about the wedding. Something else is going on in her life that caused such a major over reaction. If you decide to talk to her, don’t make it about the wedding make it about your relationship. Let her know you care about her and want to know what is going on.
On the other hand, I know that you are in the middle of planning a wedding and are probably stressed out enough without having to deal with this nonsense. The situation as a whole is frustrating. Take a deep cleansing breathe …
Post # 6
Yeah I dont follow… this just seems way out of proportion. Is there more to the story?
Post # 7
@stillme: She is all I have in the sibling department. Thanks for the advice.
@FutureMrsBPB: My folks “don’t want to get into the middle of it.” Thanks that is something I have thought about.
@Tostones: As far as I know nothing else was going on between us. We have alwasy fought but nothing like this ever before. Our relationship was actually the best its ever been before the engagement. And since I have made an effort to make sure that I am not making myself the center of attention because she has had a couple of really cool things happen (became sorority president, and made the deans high honor roll which got her a big scholarship) in her life and I want to make sure that she get the recognition she deserves. Thank you for the advice.
@bells: I did just find out that she is having some problems with a friend right now but I don’t know how that would relate to whats going on between her and I.
Post # 8
Don’t mean to dominate the post here.
But I say this from experience, but may she is scared about losing you. I know that may seem silly. But since you guys were close, she may feel that now that you “off to get married” that you won’t be her sister anymore. Not in the literal sense, obviously you will be her sister, but maybe she feels ‘abondoned.” I can’t find the right wording here, but I think you get my drift. Some people just don’t do well with change.
As you guys have such a good relationship, I think she probably just needs sometime to get herself together. Hope everything works out for you! Congratulations on the wedding!
Post # 9
It’s possible that she blew up because you contacted her in every way possible to give her the announcement. Texting her might have been enough, and just give her enough time to respond. In the post, it sounded like you texted, called, etc etc within a short amount of time. Maybe she was in class? And after she fought with you, calling and texting again is the same way in which she got angry before. Maybe you should just give her a few days to calm down and then leave her a nice voicemail. After the voicemail, leave her alone for another few days and give her time to respond. That way she doesn’t feel like you are “harassing” her.. or however her friend put it.
But basically, she’s your sister… sister’s tend to get crazy around each other. I’m sure she’ll come around!
Post # 10
@Tostones: I never thought about that. Thanks for the food for thought.
@kperry3: The first time I tried to get ahold of her I texed etc. over the course of 2 weeks before I finally got ahold of her. I gave her 2 weeks before I texted her after the fight and I just sent one text saying I was sorry and that i missed talking to her. I thought that was plenty of time to calm down but apparently not. It has now been 5 weeks. How long does this really take? She was the one who attacked and yelled at me and all I asked her to do was email me a file which at most takes 2-3 minutes especially when she was already at her computer.
I am sick of waiting for her to forgive me when I dont feel like I did anything wrong. It shouldn’t take her this long.
Post # 11
I’m not really sure what’s going on but it definitely seems like she’s being unreasonable. She’s probably stressed out with other stuff and is taking it out on you evne though your resquest is not unreasonable (e.g. I have a midterm, sorority events, a fight with a friend, a paper due and you’re asking for the typed up announcement?! Ahh I’m busy! Why are you bothering me? You’re such a bridezilla!). I’m sorry
Post # 13
My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister and I have had similar frustrations (although not nearly to your extent!). One thing that I’ve tried to realize is that my sister is in a completley different world than I am. Esepcially if your sister is in college. I know when I was in college I was much more selfish and too busy for anyone so I probably would have been the worst maid of honor ever! Obviously this in no way excuses her actions. She is 100% in the wrong here. I just know that I personally have to try and understand where the other person is coming from otherwise I will hold a grudge. I think you need to try and sit down and talk to her and hopefully you can clear the air. Unfortuntaley you probably won’t be able to rely on her for the typical Maid/Matron of Honor duties but maybe one of your other BMs can step in and help. I’m sorry your’e going through all of this!
Post # 14
@lauralou99: Thanks! I understand the college self centeredness but that has never been my sisters m.o. in the past and thats part of why i am so confused. I have tried to talk to her and she told me she is still so mad at me that she can’t talk to me. Thanks for the advice/support.