(Closed) MOH – gift for bride after spending $$ already

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

little1:  I’m in a similar situation, she’s my best friend and i’m Maid/Matron of Honor – I’m paying for my dress (which was several hundred dollars), shower (plus her shower costs) plus all the bits and pieces that go with the logistics of attending a wedding. I’m also getting married a few months later so we’re forking out money left right and centre! re gift I’m going to spend what I can afford which will be around $100!

I honestly think it’s perfectly acceptable to spend whatever you can afford. You’ve already put a lot of time, effort and money in and if she’s a good friend she will appreciate the gesture no matter how big or small! I think a card with a heartfelt message about how wonderful sharing the experience with her was, would be the most special part of any gift you could give her 🙂 No good friend would want you to go broke showering them with gifts!

Post # 3
709 posts
Busy bee

little1:  I agree, spend what you can afford. sounds like you already spent plenty, so i think $50 is totally reasonable. Maybe you can add something personal to the gift card, like a handwritten letter… or a mini-photobook of all the adventures you’ve had so far or some inexpensive inside joke kind of gift…(you know a copy of the dvd you used to watch on girls nights… your favorite candy etc.) 

Post # 4
29 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

i am having a destination wedding, and I really hope my Maid/Matron of Honor does not get me a gift. As a bride, I would not be in the least bit upset if my wedding party did not get anything! I agree with PP about just doing some small and personal. would be worth more in memories and sentiment! 

Post # 5
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I personally would prefer no gift to a $50 gift card. I can’t back that up with why, it’s just my feeling 🙂

Get her something personal and sweet, such as one of those usb photo frames that play a slideshow and a card with a beautiful heart felt message.  From my girls, I love them so much, I would be far more excited about the card than them spending more money on me 😀

Post # 6
3842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I have been in that same situation. I have been MOH/Bridesmaid enough that by the time the wedding has rolled around I’ve contributed so much money that the wedding present isn’t even thoughtful, it’s something I had Fiance grab on his way to the wedding and is usually just a gift card to the store they’re at which they are registered. I see nothing wrong with the $50 gift card. What I would add is a personalized, handwritten note that explains your joy for the couple and your honor in being a part of their special day. At the end of the night when she is going through every thing, I think she’ll be touched by that gesture. Additionally, you’ve already given so much to her–from the shower to the bach party, that the wedding gift doesn’t have to be something crazy. I actually didn’t even realize people gave wedding GIFTS. Where I’m from, most people give gifts at the shower and cards with money/gift cards at the wedding (if anything).

Post # 7
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding and after the cost of dress, hair, hotel for entire weekend, bachelorette party etc I just didn’t have the money to give a large gift at the wedding. I gave $100 it’s what I was comfortable spending. If the bride has an issue with me giving what I could then that’s her problem.

Post # 8
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I was Maid/Matron of Honor for my sister and probably spent in the range of $7-800 for her wedding (dress, shoes, hotel, hair, makeup).  I probably spent about $50 on their actual wedding gift and she seemed happy with it.  I think if she’s reasonable she’ll know that you’ve already spent a lot to be there as Maid/Matron of Honor and might not be able to afford an expensive gift at this point.  

Post # 9
46680 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is always acceptable to spend what you can afford.

In this case however, I don’t think couples should expect gifts from their wedding party at all. Most of them are already spending a significant amount of money just to be in the wedding party.

Buy a nice card and write a personal note of well wishes.

Post # 10
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have been in many wedding parties, everyone spends lots to be in them. I still gave the same gift I would give if I wasn’t in the party.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 11
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Just do what you can if anything at all.  Even a nice card would be fine.  I think most brides realize how much their MOH’s have shelled out and would be understandable with anything.  

Post # 13
2945 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We didn’t get gifts from every member of our wedding party.  We considered what we asked them to spend on our wedding with attire more than enough of a gift. 

Post # 14
2610 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I think anything is nice, even just a heartfelt card. My Maid of Honor got me nothing, no shower gift, no wedding gift, no card. Everyone else in the bridal party gave a gift $30-$100 for shower and again for the wedding. But honestly, I would have liked even just a card from her. Even guests who gave nothing gave a card and some of them were so sweet it was nice to read them and I plan on keeping them in in some sort of scrapbook.

That said I know her and my Matron of Honor put a lot of work into the shower they hosted for me and she paid more for her dress than anyone because she ordered it pretty early and then lossed a lot of weight – her alterations cost more than mine! So I don’t really care they she didn’t want to spend more money on a gift, but I was just in general suprised by it since all the other bridal party members did give something, even those who make way less money or who don’t work at all. I still sent her a thank you though for each event and made sure she did know how much I appreciated her being a part of our wedding.

Post # 15
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

So first I’ll tell you what I would/have done in this position.  I’m from the camp of giving generous gifts for weddings – especially if I’m close enough to the couple to be in the wedding party.  The least I would give is $200 for husband and I as gift and the closer we are usually the larger the gift.  Most close friends I routinely give $350-$400.

I once spent close to $3000 on all wedding related functions/attire for a girlfriend, but this didn’t influence how much I would then gift on the wedding date.  I gave them $350 and spent what I felt comfortable spending.

My family routinely gifts $500/person when attending a wedding so this is just what I’m acustom to.

Now I also don’t believe you should gift above your means, however, as the Maid/Matron of Honor I would either give money (as most newlyweds can use the cash!) or even better, purchase a gift.  Something they will use/keep for years to come and remember you every time.  The bride obviously loves you very much to have you stand beside her on one of the most important days.

I’ll speak a bit to my personal situation – our Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t gift us anything on the wedding day, or give a card from her and her husband/family.  To say I wasn’t sad or upset wouldn’t be entirely true.  It’s not for the fact that I demand or expect gifts/money, but rather I just don’t understand. And I don’t understand the piece of ‘I spent this much on this party and this much on dress …’.  That is what happens when you agree to be in a wedding.  Most if not all pre-wedding functions are fairly optional and can be done for no cost, or a lot of cost, but you as the wedding party/family drive that, not the bride (at least in my situation).  I didn’t ask for a bachelorette, I didn’t ask for the shower, I selected dresses that were on sale for less than $150 even though they weren’t the exact dress I wanted, but they were affordable.  I bought shoes, jewelry, paid for hair and makeup, rehearsal dinner, wedding day items and other things leading up to the day that hte bride does in turn for her ‘maids.  So to pit this against each other of well I spend this much pre wedding … in our case I don’t think this is even close to fair.

So the parth that is slightly disappointing is not the fact that I feel my Maid/Matron of Honor should have gifted us $1000 cash, but rather that there was no card with thoughtful message, no salad bowl that I associate with her, none of those elements, but rather we hosted her husband and children with what feels like no gratitude or card.  It’s just raw feelings that I’m being completely honest about in an anonymous forum, but I have no hard feelings or issues between Maid/Matron of Honor and I.

In the end gift what you can and feel comfortable with.

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