- 5 years ago
I feel the need to vent about my MOH- I’ll call her D.
A little backstory about our relationship. My fiance is very good friends with D’s fiance. They met a few years ago through work and we soon began double dating and hanging out as couples. D and I grew pretty close over the last few years.
Originally, I wanted to ask my sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. But, she’s young (okay, she’s 22 but acts 14), immature, blames me for her poor life choices, is hurtful toward me, and is no longer invited to my wedding. When plans for my sister to be Maid/Matron of Honor fell through, I felt the need to ask someone else. The thought (for who knows what reason) never occurred to me that I didn’t have to have a Maid/Matron of Honor. I now wish it would have after asking D to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.
I have two other wonderful bridesmaids- Fiance’s sister in law and a good friend from high school.
Fiance’s SIL took it upon herself to plan the bridal shower (FI’s parents are paying for it, so I think she felt she could best help out with that event since she is close with Future Mother-In-Law and knows the budget, etc). She also really enjoys planning parties and things. She’s mentioned some of her ideas and has shown me the invitations and everything is perfect!
Bridesmaid 2 has kind of taken over the bachelorette party planning, which I’m perfectly fine with, as I think she “gets” me the best so she understands the kind of party I want.
So when Fiance and I were visiting with Maid/Matron of Honor and her fiance a few weekends ago, she made a comment that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. She mentioned one of the bridesmaids brought up the bachelorette party and trying to make some headway with planning since it’s coming up soon. Maid/Matron of Honor said to me “I told them I don’t care”. The tone she used implied to me that she’s uninterested in planning. I don’t mind that she doesn’t have an interest in planning things (she’s also planning her wedding, so I understand she’s a busy gal).
What I mind is that she’s my Maid/Matron of Honor, so she’s sort of supposed to help with these things, I guess. It makes me feel like my two other girls should have been Maid/Matron of Honor instead of her since they’ve taken on more responsibility and have been more excited and involved with planning. I haven’t asked them to do anything, other than find a dress and some shoes, so they’ve taken all this planning up on their own.
I talked with my other girls yesterday and asked if they’ve heard from D lately and they said they haven’t in a few weeks.
I’m thinking about having my fiance’s SIL sit with me during the shower and write down everyone’s names and what gift they gave- a role typically reserved for the Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t want to hurt D’s feelings, but I think fiance’s SIL deserves to be up there more than she does.
So I guess what I’m saying is I regret asking D to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I wish I would have just asked her to be a bridesmaid and not asked anyone to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t know if D really doesn’t want to play a role in planning my wedding events/activities, or if she’s just so busy with her own wedding that she simply doesn’t have time.
Has anyone had similar feelings? Any advice on how I should move forward?