(Closed) MOH has been distancing herself…

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MichiganGirl24:  The only thing I expected my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid to do was show up and have fun at my wedding.  I think when you put certain expectations on people without clearly expressing those expectations ahead of time, it will inevitably cause tension.

Post # 5
Member
46333 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MichiganGirl24:  Are you fully aware of how it came to be that the 2 BM’s took over the planning of the shower and bachelorette party? Did they consult with the MOH? Maybe the Maid/Matron of Honor is feeling that they have usurped her role and there is nothing left for her to do?

Post # 6
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MichiganGirl24:  Are you basing your choice of wedding party on the relationship you have with the person or the amount of work/effort they’re putting into your wedding?

Post # 9
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MichiganGirl24:  If that’s the case, then maybe you could just make her a bridesmaid, especially considering how busy she is with her own wedding.  Maybe it’d be less pressure on her?  She might even appreciate the option of being able to step down a bit.

Post # 12
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MichiganGirl24:  I’m thinking about having my fiance’s SIL sit with me during the shower and write down everyone’s names and what gift they gave- a role typically reserved for the Maid/Matron of Honor.


I am actually curious if this is true? I guess I always pick the person with the best handwriting. I don’t think this is going to hurt her that much. if she isn’t interested in planning, she probably won’t be interested in writing down the hoard of gifts you got for your shower.

Anyway, did it even occur to you that maybe the other two were the ones that kind of took over and your Maid/Matron of Honor stopped caring because other people were telling her how it was going to be? Maybe she didn’t have the opportunity to speak up as to how she felt about it. Perhaps the other two volunteered before your Maid/Matron of Honor had a chance, and now she feels sort of outed.

 

Post # 14
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MichiganGirl24:  If that’s the case then I’d give her the option to step down if you feel the role may be too much for her. I guess, in my honest opinion, I didn’t expect a shower or bach party, so if my Maid/Matron of Honor hadn’t thrown one or my other BMs would have taken the reigns I wouldn’t have considered my Maid/Matron of Honor uninterested. But that’s just me, and since you feel as though she isn’t interested, I’d give her the option, but you do so risking the friendship.

Post # 16
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MichiganGirl24:  I think you should just flat out ask her if she’s too busy to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, but give her the option.  It’s not that she’s any less important to you, but she is having to plan her own wedding, so maybe being a Maid/Matron of Honor is a bit too time consuming.  However, it really depends on the person she is.  I personally wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me to step down and I was busy, in fact I’d appreciate it.  If you feel that she would be hurt, maybe giving all the girls the same type of gift and leaving her as Maid/Matron of Honor might be your best option.  Best of luck.

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