- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
I’ll try to keep this short, but I asked for the availability of my BMs in May for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Based on that, we picked a date for the bridal shower in October. My MOH mentioned the date to her FI (they got engaged 3 weeks ago- yay!) and he flipped out because it’s the same day as Yom Kippur and he expects her to be at a dinner with his family 3 hours away that evening. Of course he had never mentioned it before, and while she is half Jewish, she was raised Catholic so she had no idea. Plus, it was in September last year so she really didn’t think it would conflict. She came up with two options. Have the shower at her house earlier in the day and she will leave early to make it to dinner on time or have the shower 3 hours from where I live in the city where she has dinner. She really want to have it where she is having dinner and offered to rent a limo to take me and the other ladies who live here to the shower and back. Obviously, she is a sweetheart and really trying to make everyone happy, which I totally appreciate.
How do I decide what to do? The guests are actually spread out so for some people it would be closer and for other people and up to 3 hours away for other people. One BM lives in my town and one BM lives in the city MOH suggested moving the shower, for example. Some people (like my sister) are driving 8 hours to attend so if it’s too early in the day she may not make it. (which is why just making it earlier isn’t an easy solution). And if she stays with me, she would have to sit in a car for 6 hours the day before and after she drives 8 hours. If she doesn’t stay with me, then she will need to get a hotel room as an extra expense. For the people who would have been local, it turns the event from 3 hours to an all day event with 6 hours of travel. If I had it my way, the shower would be in the town where I live. I am stressed out about having enough time to finish everything for the wedding and my sister kindly offered to help me while she was in town that weekend (which I really appreciate). Those 6 hours we would spend in a limo are 6 hours we could get a lot done. I felt selfish thinking that, so I asked all the BMs for their preferences (just waiting for all the responses now) to help figure out what to do.
I guess I should also mention that my sister is Matron of Honor while friend is Maid of Honor and they are co-hosting. My sister works nights and is a little flaky, so I haven’t been able to get a hold of her. A family friend also wants to help host as well as at least one other bridesmaid. So if for some reason she can’t attend, there are lots of other people who want to host and help. And while she planned on having it at her place, there are other places we could have it locally.
Last night I was crying because I didn’t know what to do. I am not Jewish, and realize it is a high holy day, but my friend is not Jewish, not becoming Jewish, he didn’t tell her about it, and this event occurs every year while a bridal shower is once in a lifetime. We set this date months ago and there really isn’t an alternate date. FI can’t stand to see me upset and likes to “fix” things. He decided my friends and sister had a chance to do the shower and dropped the ball, and decided he was hosting the shower now and he was going to make it amazing. I told him it’s a girl thing, he’s not even invited, it may hurt the girls’ feelings, and I didn’t think it was allowed. He didn’t back down. He asked me about locations, the theme, and the guestlist. He found invitations, made a menu, and came up with decor ideas. He went to culinary school, so I trust him completely with food. He basically did more last night than anyone else has done and wants to do the decor and food behind the scenes (he won’t be at the actual shower). I told him the girls wanted to host and he said that they are more than welcome to help, especially because he doesn’t know anything about bridal shower games, but he wants to be involved because he doesn’t trust them to be on top of it and he would do a better job with the food. Plus, my MOH helped him with the proposal so he said it’s natural for him to help with the shower since she has so much going on. I had to beg him to wait to order the invitations while I sort everything out.