Post # 1
I need advice on what to do about my current situation. I’m (co) Maid/Matron of Honor for one of my very best friends. Her mom is asking a lot of us bridesmaids in terms of this bridal shower. She is the type of person that LIVES to throw parties and plan things. Also, I live 7 hours away from the bride’s hometown (although the bride doesn’t live there anymore either, she lives 5 hours away). Her mom is planning this elaborate shower and asking all of us to:
1) Give a gift card for this “bridal shower” gift card tree as a gift to the bride (this does not count as a wedding gift)
2) Make a covered dish because she invited over 100 people to this thing
3) Pay $40 to contribute to favors
4) Make a gift basket that will be raffled off as a prize for games (I spent $40.00 on mine and I tried to be as conservative as possible)
On top of all of this, I will still need to shell out more cash for her bachelorette party, her wedding gift, and other wedding-related expenses such as traveling to and from the state AGAIN for her wedding which is months away. I feel like I can’t say anything to my friend’s mom without burning brides, I have thought about asking the other bridesmaids to give her a reality check but they are all too timid to put up any resistance. I just think all of this is way over the top.
Post # 2
Maybe talk to the bride about it she might not want all of this and not realize what her mom is doing.
Post # 3
Talk to the bride. Ifshe is a close friend, then she will understand. Just be honest. I am sure your support means more to her than money and you have already contributed a lot.
Post # 4
It sounds like you’ve already spent money on everything for the shower, so there’s not much you can do there. In the future, the best thing you can do is stand up for yourself– not recruit the other bridesmaid to do it– and say “Sally, I know you want to make this a special time for your daughter, but I just can’t afford to do X right now. Would it be alright if I did Y instead?” Offering an alternative might lessen the chances of her getting upset.
Post # 5
“I’m sorry but what you are asking is not feasible for me right now both financially and time wise.”
Post # 6
it’s not really fair for her mother to be demanding you guys do this… are you “hosting” the shower? unless you’re considered a host, you’re a guest and all you have to do is show up at the time you were invited.
IF you offered to help that’s a very different thing.
As for the gift card, it is normal to give a gift at the shower and a gift at the wedding, so that’s standard, just don’t bring anything else (except a card!)
A covered dish is hard since you live so far away. Call and ask her if you can bring a fruit tray instead or something that you can easily pick up at a grocery store for 20 dollars on your way in.
contributing to favours is totally bullshit.
IF you can’t afford any of this, be prepared to say so, the bride and the bride’s mother should really be making sure you can actually afford these things and not demanding them
Post # 7
“I’m sorry, the $40 for favors is not in my budget.”
If she wants to throw the party, she should, but that doesn’t mean she should pass the expenses off on you and the other girls. I would not bring a dish 7 hours. I think the mother is pretty rude and out of line with her demands on you.
Post # 8
Thanks for all of your advice bees! I took it, didn’t pay the $40 or bring a covered dish. Just for fun, I wanted to update the following:
Her mom had us (the bridesmaids) go around and pick up guests’ plates and throw them away for them. For real. There werea about 60 people at this thing. Seriously had us walking around like waitresses and asking “Are you finished? Can I please take your plate?” We all felt like hired help! Here’s to hoping the other bridal showers I am part of this year aren’t so crazy!
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
talula23 : wow that’s a bit crazy to have you act like waitresses! In my area, we do big bridal showers. I spent $400 on one of my sisters and $700 on my other sisters! Showers are no joke around here and are paid for by the bridal party. I will also add that thetre were 6 of us hosting one and 7 hosting the other, so this would be a much more affordable shower than my sisters!
Post # 10
Im glad you didnt take a dish or pay $40! The moms way out of line.
I was MoH and the brides mom called me saying I owed her $200+ dollars for the shower that she threw (I was out of town and couldnt attend.) I told her to stick it!
The bride and I are no longer friends but no way was I going to pay for a shower that her mother hosted. Also it was in a church basement after the brides mother told me I had to pay to host a Bridal Tea for 60 people..and i was in grad school at the time.
Anyway, glad you didnt give in to all the moms demands. She sounds crazy. Maybe explain that the BMs are not “the help!”
Post # 11
That all sounds pretty standard for all the bridal parties I’ve been in, except the part where you were kind of a waitress ha. This is such a hot topic on here, but in my group and where I’m from, the bridal party throws and pays for the shower. Usually the brides mom contributes a chunk, but yeah pretty normal.