(Closed) MOH help

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Maybe talk to the bride about it she might not want all of this and not realize what her mom is doing. 

Post # 3
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Half Moon Bay

Talk to the bride. Ifshe is a close friend, then she will understand. Just be honest. I am sure your support means more to her than money and you have already contributed a lot.

Post # 4
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It sounds like you’ve already spent money on everything for the shower, so there’s not much you can do there. In the future, the best thing you can do is stand up for yourself– not recruit the other bridesmaid to do it– and say “Sally, I know you want to make this a special time for your daughter, but I just can’t afford to do X right now. Would it be alright if I did Y instead?” Offering an alternative might lessen the chances of her getting upset.

Post # 5
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

“I’m sorry but what you are asking is not feasible for me right now both financially and time wise.”

Post # 6
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

it’s not really fair for her mother to be demanding you guys do this… are you “hosting” the shower? unless you’re considered a host, you’re a guest and all you have to do is show up at the time you were invited.

IF you offered to help that’s a very different thing.

As for the gift card, it is normal to give a gift at the shower and a gift at the wedding, so that’s standard, just don’t bring anything else (except a card!)

A covered dish is hard since you live so far away. Call and ask her if you can bring a fruit tray instead or something that you can easily pick up at a grocery store for 20 dollars on your way in.

contributing to favours is totally bullshit.

IF you can’t afford any of this, be prepared to say so, the bride and the bride’s mother should really be making sure you can actually afford these things and not demanding them

Post # 7
13679 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“I’m sorry, the $40 for favors is not in my budget.”  

If she wants to throw the party, she should, but that doesn’t mean she should pass the expenses off on you and the other girls.  I would not bring a dish 7 hours.  I think the mother is pretty rude and out of line with her demands on you.

Post # 9
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

talula23 :  wow that’s a bit crazy to have you act like waitresses! In my area, we do big bridal showers. I spent $400 on one of my sisters and $700 on my other sisters! Showers are no joke around here and are paid for by the bridal party. I will also add that thetre were 6 of us hosting one and 7 hosting the other, so this would be a much more affordable shower than my sisters!

Post # 10
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Im glad you didnt take a dish or pay $40! The moms way out of line.

I was MoH and the brides mom called me saying I owed her $200+ dollars for the shower that she threw (I was out of town and couldnt attend.) I told her to stick it!

The bride and I are no longer friends but no way was I going to pay for a shower that her mother hosted. Also it was in a church basement after the brides mother told me I had to pay to host a Bridal Tea for 60 people..and i was in grad school at the time.

Anyway, glad you didnt give in to all the moms demands. She sounds crazy. Maybe explain that the BMs are not “the help!”

Post # 11
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

That all sounds pretty standard for all the bridal parties I’ve been in, except the part where you were kind of a waitress ha. This is such a hot topic on here, but in my group and where I’m from, the bridal party throws and pays for the shower. Usually the brides mom contributes a chunk, but yeah pretty normal. 

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