(Closed) MOH Help :(

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
23607 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

hmm…I guess I personally would try to get her to understand your perception of how she has changed.  And then if she’s not listening, I would just move on.  Big hugs to you!

Post # 5
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Agree with pengoala. You need to tell her about herself. Real friends should be able to call each other out when one is acting like an a-hole. If she doesn’t listen, don’t waste your energy!

Post # 6
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had the same type of issue with my best friend of 13+ years…it was tough because she and I are at two COMPLETELY different stages in our lives…she’s married, finishing school in a week, talks about having kids and I am living with my boyfriend with 2 years of school left (1 year for major, 18 months for teaching credentials) and I felt like every time I would talk to her, she had a self-righteous attitude about how great her life was compared to mine…it got to a point where I was very passive-aggressive toward her for about 2 months…

Finally it got to a point where I realized that our friendship was too important to just throw away, so I text her one day and decided that we needed to talk and sort out our issues…and we did…it was an incredibly uncomfortable conversation, but we had it and hashed out our issues and differences and we understood each other…it wasn’t easy but it was totally worth it because we’ve been best friends for way too long to let it go down the drain so quickly…

Talk to her and tell her how you feel…let her decide if she wants to end your friendship…obviously you don’t…good luck hun! 🙂

Post # 7
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Not to put blame on this but I have seen basic training change people.  The sole purpose of it is the mold and prepare people for tragedy in a way and make them very willed with little fear. They constantly talk down to the people in training so it is possible she is acting like she is personally being treated. It’s not right of course and you should point it out or she may not realize she is doing it or feel need to change it.  They put you under extreme pressure so she’s got pressure, being molded and prepared for tragedy, and people talking to her like she is dirt they will spit on if she messes up.  Based on that I would kind of go lightly into taking to her about it but still be blunt and tell her you don’t know what she is going thru but the tone and attitude since training when she talks has changes and feels very demeaning towards you. 

Post # 8
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

So sorry to hear you’re going through this with a close friend. That really sucks. I agree, of course, with everyone else in that you should try and talk it through with her. That said, I also think sometimes people change and also that their priorities shift. What Otulyssa said rang true to me with friends who have worked in high stress jobs like aid workers overseas, military or the force etc. Their lives become full of different dynamics and however they react to that tends to spread on to people close by. It’s good news (ironically) that it’s not just to you though because you know it’s not personal, even if it feels that way. So maybe try and sort it out and if that doesn’t work, reevaluate who you want with you on the day and if they’ll make you feel loved and great 🙂 You should feel happy on that day, not like you’re being bullied or belittled. Just because she’s in the army doesn’t mean your day isn’t special and great.

Congrats by the way!

Post # 9
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This sounds more like a friendship issue, with someone who happens to be involved in your wedding.  I’d treat it as such, and try to talk to her about your feelings as a friend without getting the wedding involved in the discussion.

Hopefully you will be able to work things out!

Post # 12
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013


I asked Fiance this, since he’s been in the military for 8 years.

First he said that a lot of people change during their first year in the miltary. The upside is that he said she’ll probably grow out of it.  

But from my personal view- I’ve had friends do this out of the military. A friend switched majors completely and ALL she wanted to do was patronize and condescend me about these words that I’d never heard. My solution was to just not talk about it with her.

So if your friend is acting like a different person, consider just ignoring it. Seriously, the military isn’t THAT interesting (FI’s words, not mine). There will come a point, where if you don’t ask or bring it up (or change the subject), she’ll start to drop it. 


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