(Closed) MOH Help – Is asking for help ridiculous????? – long

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

um you need to tell her if she doesnt want the duties… then she can step down… plain and simple…

Post # 4
46612 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry, I tried to read this but as one long vent, not broken up into smaller paragrphs, I chose not to.

I am sorry you are obviously not getting the help you want.

Post # 5
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah I couldn’t read this either. Wayyyy to long and not broken up. I’m sorry your frustrated.

Post # 6
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I read the whole thing…whew! I think your entire wedding party is taking the passive aggressive route by agreeing to do things and then not following through. Your Maid/Matron of Honor, while abrasive, is probably just telling you what the rest of the BMs don’t have the guts to. I don’t feel like they want to be involved in anything other than standing up for you on your day…that’s it.

I hate to say it, but I probably would have looked at you like you were crazy if you handed me a binder of my “duties” 15 months prior to your wedding. I know you are working and going to school while planning a wedding, but at the end of the day it is YOUR wedding. Your wedding party should not be on the hook for any of the planning and preparation. If they WANT to participate, fine, but if they don’t, that should be fine too. Other than the shower and bachelorette party (which are optional), the only thing they really HAVE to do is show up on the day when and where they are supposed to with the correct clothing and attitude. Anything else is really extra.

Post # 7
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I am sorry, I agree with @JamaicaBride:. You can ask for help but I don’t think you should demand it. I would probably chose to step down from a wedding if I was expected to be as involved as you would like your girls to be.

I am glad some of your wedding party is able to support you in the way you want. Focus on the amazing friendships you have with these women rather than asking why the rest aren’t doing as much for you.

Post # 8
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Your bridesmaids/MOHs aren’t required to help you with duties,visit vendors, or give you parties. It’s nice, but if they don’t…well, they don’t.

Your wedding isn’t their responsiblity. I’m not trying to be mean, but as long as they show up on time wearing the selected dress they’ve done all that they need to do.

If I called my friend to hang out and all she wanted to do was talk about her wedding or wedding related tasks, chances are I wouldn’t call her to hang out too many more times.

Post # 9
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

wow that was overwhelming … I think if you handed me that binder 15months ago i would have thought there was no way you would think you were getting all that done …. your Maid/Matron of Honor got a huge upfront info packet of what was expected of her… she should have backed out then.  I’m so sorry that your doing so much of this all alone, unlike how you expected to be spending your time getting ready for your wedding.  

Good luck 

Post # 10
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Whew, that was long…

Ok, I think your expectations of your bridesmaids are a little more than standard.  BUT they should have realized what you thought should be involved when they got the binder.

I literally expected my bridesmaids to show up dressed in the dress that a couple of them came shopping with me for, and I ordered for all of them and they would pay me back for it by the day of the wedding.  Any projects I took care of myself. 

I’m sorry you’re frustrated though.


Post # 11
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I have my flame retardant suit on, so go ahead…

In My Humble Opinion, it is not the place of the BMs or MOHs to do the crafty things or to go to the store or visit vendors. They are not suppopsed to be unpaid labor.

Remember that your wedding will not be nearly as important to any of them as it is you.

And, while  it’s nice if they want to help with all of your projects, yours  (at least this Maid/Matron of Honor, altho it doesn’t sound like the others have been beating your door down to help, either) obviously don’t. If doing these things is a requirement to be in your wedding, then, yeah, you should dump her.

Post # 12
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think you are asking WAY too much of your bridal party. Their only “duties” are to buy a dress and stand next to you during the wedding! They are not responsible for any planning, DIY projects, buying supplies, etc etc. Your Maid/Matron of Honor is totally rude about it, but she is dead-on accurate. You are asking and expecting way too much of your bridal party. First of all, you didn’t ask them IF they were willing to help, you TOLD them what you expected of them. Many of the bridesmaids would definitely be willing to help, but they should be asked, not told. 

Your Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t even required to throw you a shower or a bachelorette party, although its nice if she chooses to. Every single wedding I’ve ever been in, I’ve offered to help countless times. Not once has my friend/bride actually asked me to do anything. Because really, most brides just want their bridesmaids to stand up there to celebrate with them, not actually help plan the wedding.

Shouldn’t she be by my side and willing to do everything I ask anyways? 

Again, sorry, but no. She should, however, be supportive. But I can’t say I’d react differently if I was inundated with e-mails, requests for help, being told what to do, etc by the bride. People have their own lives and are busy. As it is, they are spending A LOT of their hard earned money on you! I think that’s plenty. If you don’t have the time to do all of these projects yourself, you should plan a simpler wedding. 

I’m sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I think you are expecting too much.

Post # 13
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Hunter's Ridge, Princeton, IL

Maybe you should have a long talk with each of them to determine how much help they are actually able to give (without giving them tasks they must complete). Hopefully they will be able to give you honest answers and you can plan projects based on IF they are willing to help.

Trust me, I know how nice it is to have the extra hands for projects, but they might be feeling overwhelmed with other things, too. I really can see both sides!

Have you talked to your mom & Fiance about possibly taking on a larger helping role? Or have you considered hiring a partial planner? I know that can work WONDERS when you’re short on time yourself.

Good luck!

Post # 14
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow. I have three MOH’s and that’s it. My best friend that’s been there for three years(H). My best friend that I just got closer to(A). And my FI’s sister (14 and a drama queen-M). Well I have only just started planning intensely so they haven’t been asked to do much, but I did ask H to come dress shopping with me once, and while we were there we tried on dresses for her and she picked one she really liked and put it in the system and I literally have not seen her since, and that was about 3 or 4 months ago and she very rarely answers my phone calls or returns my texts. A has been great. I ask her for her opinion and she gives it to me with complete honesty and she helps with all the decision making. And I’ve even had old friends offer to help me with the planning and DIY’s and I can’t even get her on the phone! I love her way too much to ask her to step down but I don’t know what else to do either. 

So probably not much help but just know someone else is in a crappy situation too. Just not as bad as yours.

Post # 15
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I honestly could not get through this entire post but I think your expectations were/are unreasonable. If you chose to DIY something for YOUR wedding I think you should plan to do 100% of the work and if a Bridesmaid or Best Man helps then thats gravy. 

The topic ‘MOH Help – Is asking for help ridiculous????? – long’ is closed to new replies.

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