Post # 1
I am so sad right now, not because of the wedding, but because one of my closest friends is in pain! She was involved in a 1 vehicle accident and flipped her SUV. She broke her collarbone, her left arm , ALL of her ribs, has a laceration on her head, punctured lungs and broke her left wrist.
As she is sitting in the hospital getting ready for trauma surgery all she can do is apologize to me for ruining my wedding week. I told her to stop it immediately! She says that she can’t and that she feels guilty. No amount of reassuring can remove her guilt and I don’t know what to do! Her feeling guilty is in turn making ME feel guilty. What in the world would make her think that I care more about my “wedding numbers” than her healing? How am I suppose to enjoy my wedding this Saturday knowing that she is in some hospital recovering and hurting? There will be a cloud over the whole day, it will not be the same without her.
I am really just getting this off of my chest, not really sure what I am looking for here.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2012 - W Hotel Silicon Valley
@MrsRedPumps: So sorry to hear this, how awful! I’m not sure how else you can reassure her that of course, it’s not her fault, and you are more worried about her than the wedding, but you sound like a great friend!
Post # 4
That’s awful! I hope she heals quickly and realizes that she’s not to blame. Keep your chin up! And your wedding is going to be beautiful!
Post # 5
Maybe someone can skype her into the ceremony?
Post # 6
@MrsRedPumps: ((HUGS)) for you and your friend. How sad and awful but thank God she’s going to be ok.
Think of it this way – you’re now even more obligated to have a wonderful time at your wedding because if you don’t – imagine how even more “guilty” she’ll feel. (Even though she has no reason to, of course, but emotions aren’t rational.)
Is there any way you can still include her, maybe even remotely? Trying to brainstorm some ideas here … how about someone videotaping (maybe on their phone?) during the ceremony and streaming it instantly to her somehow?
Either way, neither of you should be feeling guilty. I’m sure you’re just happy she’s alive. Save her a piece of the wedding cake. 🙂
Post # 7
Oh honey, I am SO incredibly sorry! The good thing is that she is alive and things (as always) could be worse. Reassure her that you know she will still be with you in spirit on that day. I would also consider including her in maybe a video chat while you all are getting ready so she is still there? Make it more lighthearted than “it’s too bad you’re not here”. Give her a Maid/Matron of Honor bracelet or something, so again, she still feels included.
Sending prayers to the both of you, hon. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to be in your position, but in order to make your Maid/Matron of Honor not feel guilty, please don’t feel guilty on your wedding day. This isn’t your fault, it isn’t her fault, it’s just how things worked out. Massive hugs coming your way!
Post # 8
@MrsRedPumps: I am so sorry to hear this! What a terrible accident. Wishing your good friend a speedy recovery. While reading this, it popped into my head that maybe you could write her a really nice note to open during the ceremony about how much she means to you. Something along those lines. Might be a nice reminder of although she isn’t with you physically, she is definitely in your thoughts on your wedding day.
Post # 9
@MrsRedPumps: I’m so sorry for what happened. At least she is *okay* as the accident could have been a lot worse. Thank god for SUVs and how durable they are. I wouldn’t drive anything else.
I know you said your main concern is your friend and of course it is. I would feel the same. But I do also want to say I’m sorry for the timing of this whole thing. You have no doubt spent countless hours planning your special day, and you wanted your friend there to share it with you. You wouldn’t be human if your own wedding wasn’t a concern too and it is just a shitty situation all around.
On the bright side, your friend is *okay* and you get to marry the love of your life 🙂
Post # 10
@MrsRedPumps: Oh no, your poor friend! Is there any way you can arrange to have someone stream the ceremony for her via skype, or take a few minutes to call her before/during the reception and let her know how much you love her? And then maybe once she’s completely healed you can plan a special day and take some pictures to include in your wedding album.
Reassure her that the only thing that could have ruined your wedding day is if she wasn’t going to be okay, but that if she really feels guilty she can make it up to you by joining you for a spa day/weekend trip/concert/whatever she enjoys most once she’s out of the hospital.
I’m sorry she won’t be there on your big day, but try to see the big picture and be grateful that she’s alive and hasn’t sustained any permanent injuries. That would really have cast a cloud over the day. You both have so much to be thankful for.
Post # 11
I’m so sorry, my thoughts go out to your friend, obviously it’s going to be tough but I hope her recovery goes as quickly and her pain lessens as fast as possible! My mom was in an awful car accident last year and was in the hospital for months, so I know how scary it is and how helpless you must be feeling right now. She also went on and on about how it was a good thing it didn’t happen the year before so it didn’t interfere with how she looked at my wedding, and then she was trying to schedule her follow-up surgeries around my baby shower – like I was concerned with either of those events more than my mom’s health! I’m sorry she won’t be able to be there on your wedding day =(
Post # 12
ditto to everyone, see if someone can skype her the ceremony. Is the wedding going to be close to the hospital at all? Is it possible for you to visit her day of or would that make her feel worse? I was just thinking it might be nice for her to see you all done up as you’re obviously very very close.
Hugs to you both!
Post # 13
@MrsRedPumps: Oh, don’t feel guilty. Really, don’t. Having recently gone through a serious health complication and surgery, I think it’s easy to fixate on something else.. anything else.. and for her it’s worrying about your wedding. Just be patient with her, assure her, but don’t take it personally. She must be in so much pain right now.
I love the idea of Skyping the ceremony or anything just to make her feel apart of things. It gets very lonely in a hospital room when you’re missing out on things you look forward to.
Post # 14
Thank you so much everyone for the support! I love the idea of Skyping her into the ceremony. We are having a projector so maybe we can also still have her to do her speech at the reception. Awesome idea!!!
Post # 15
Maybe you can skype her into the wedding? Thats what I am trying to do for my Grandpa who can’t make it because of health reasons.
Post # 16
@MrsRedPumps: Ooh, I love the idea of having her do her speech long distance! And even if she’s not feeling up to it or it’s too complicated logistically, you could designate someone to read a short message/toast from her so that she’s able to contribute to your day in some way.