- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
My Maid/Matron of Honor is one of my cousins. She hasn’t been very helpful or excited throughout the wedding process. But, I get that. Some maid of honors really don’t care about the wedding because it isn’t theirs. Every negative thing she’s said about my guest list or location, I’ve eaten up. Every time she comes over to talk about the wedding but ends up talking about her own life, I’ve eaten up, but this is just way too far for me.
When I was younger, I was molested by her brother. Her brother has autism. And, she’s always dismissed what he did to me because he has autism and she essentially thinks I am the biggest b*tch in the world for not forgiving him. And that regardless of how I feel it doesn’t count. However, whether or not he has autism, he hurt me terribly. And, it’s bad enough that I have to see him at family functions. However, in a very self-entitled and bullying manner demanded that he come to my wedding too!
First, she said that he has to come to the wedding because it would be wrong not to invite him regardless of what he did to me because he has autism. And, she also said that both of her parents couldn’t come to the wedding if I didn’t invite him because no one would be able to watch him. However, I happen to know that many family members have watched him in the past before. So, I think it’s just an excuse for her to yet again, control everything about my wedding.
I calmly explained that I do not want him at my wedding because it would bring up bad memories and I want to only be happy on that day. I asked her to step out of her shoes and look at it from my standpoint. And, she proceeded to belittle me and tell me that no one needs to step out of any shoes, what’s right is right.And in her eyes, I’m acting like a self-centered bridezilla. She also said that I need an attitude check because it’s way too much. Meanwhile, I was nothing but nice to her. And yes, I am being subjective here because I do want an honest opinion.
She was telling me that her brother NEEDS to come to my wedding and I told her that if anyone heard what he did to me, they would think that she is crazy for thinking so. And, she said that any teacher that teaches autistic persons or any doctor that heard that I am not inviting him simply because I “say” (yes, she’s implying that I’m lying) that he molested me, would think I’m a terrible person.
So, I told her that neither her or her brother are invited to my wedding and that she is no longer my maid of honor. And, then she began to try and guilt me and completeley changed her story from “IDC if he did molest you, he has to come!” to “All I was saying is that both of my parents can’t come if he isn’t invited. So just choose one to invite. It’s cool.”
She belittled me yet again with her insensitivity for a few hours, and then she says that I’m disrespectful for not inviting him because I know how much he puts everyone through.I’m wrong, self-centered, disrespectful and that I care about no one but myself!
She refuses to see that her brother MOLESTED ME!!!!!!!! I don’t care if he’s autistic, it doesn’t take the pain away. I still am uncomfortable being around him. He is allowed to do whatever he wants, to whoever he wants. And, I am sure that if he were to try and grope me on my wedding day, his parents would just laugh at it and not do a single thing.Because he’s autistic, he can get away with anything.
I have my feelings here. But, do you think I am being insensitive for not inviting him even though he molested me? Should I just invite him for the simple fact that he has autism? Is my ex Maid/Matron of Honor completely out of line? Please tell me the truth.
*** I have another account for wedding bee, and I have been a member for quite some time. However, I wanted to keep my identity a secret so I created this account.