(Closed) MOH Insists I Invite the Man that Molested Me

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is my (ex) MOH completely out of line?

    Yes, she's completely self-centered for asking that of you.

    She's just jealous because the spotlight isn't on her.

    You're being an insensitive b*tch for not forgiving him,

  • Post # 62
    Member
    617 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    My heart goes out to you.  You are right that this day is about you and not her or anyone else.  Do not invite him if you do not want to!  I hope you are doing well and I hope you have been able to talk to someone about what happened because I think that will help with your healing.  I am so sorry she is being like this, you don’t deserve it.

    Post # 63
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Remind me why this girl is your MOH? Find a new one and only invite people who support what’s healthy for YOU to be part of your big day.

    Post # 64
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I agree with what the other bees have said. I am appauled by this!! You should not invite the cousin, ex-MOH, or their family. And do not feel guilty! It’s your day and you do not need to be reminded of past trauma. I’m glad you were able to fire her as Maid/Matron of Honor and I hope that you find someone more deserving of the title.

    Post # 65
    Member
    1147 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I don’t know, as you didn’t mention it, if you’ve told your Fiance about what happened to you. If not, please do. I guarantee he will have your back and trust me, if he is your support system (as I know he is, because I don’t think any woman on this forum would marry an unsupportive man) he will take your side and will not for both your sakes allow either one of your cousins into your wedding. Get him involved and use him as a bit of a shield. That way if your cousin shows up to “chat” again, he can either keep her outside or help you show her the door when she gets out of hand. I’m sorry you went through this and I sincerely hope you seek counseling at the very least to help you deal with this.

    Post # 66
    Member
    469 posts
    Helper bee

    I TEACH autistic children and in the room next to us (older students) there is a boy that has problems with “touching” the younger kids and his disability is NOT an excuse.

    Your cousin did an awful thing, and he should not attend your wedding. Your Maid/Matron of Honor also needs to take a hike. But you have had at least 3 teachers tell you that you are RIGHT.

    It makes me angry that people think a disability is an excuse to behave however. There are still consequences. Your cousins FAMILY is very to blame here, if he is that so low that he doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong they should have a very close watch on him.

     

    Tell her to bug off!

    Post # 67
    Member
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Why in God’s name is this person your MOH? It’s maid of HONOR, and she is anything but.

    I personally would TOTALLY disassociate myself from her…TOTALLY.

    Sure, he has a disability, and he may not have had any clue that what he was doing was wrong. However, it doesn’t matter in the least- it brings back bad feelings for you (rightfully so), and why would anyone, let a;lone your Maid/Matron of Honor who is supposed to be helping you with the biggest day of your life, ever want that for you?

    DUMP HER!

    Post # 68
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Your cousin is totally out of line.  He may have a disabilty, but it is in NO WAY an excuse for what he did.  She is also insane to think you should invite him to your wedding, the one day in your life which you should be suprememly happy.  I am a huge advocate in believing ‘step in the other person’s shoes’, and the fact that she won’t even do that for you to consider YOUR feelings is a big no-no. 

    Post # 69
    Member
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Forgiveness/healing and wedding invites are separate things. Good for you for standing up for yourself and handling this very difficult situation.

    On your wedding day, you will be surrounded by people who care about you, and those who are too caught up in themselves (former Maid/Matron of Honor and any relatives that refuse to come because in their minds you have slighted someone) will be absent which is a good thing.

    Post # 70
    Member
    256 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Your Maid/Matron of Honor is disgusting and a complete B*TCH! I am so sorry for all you have been through. I am sorry that he is autistic, but that does not mean that you can violate other people without repercussions and all the more reason to not have him at your wedding. I think that you should not have her, him or their family at your wedding if they can not accept what he did to you was completely unacceptable behavior. They are lucky you don’t press charges, which would be completely warrented.

    This is the happiest day of your life, which should you have the undertones of this horrible expereince on YOUR special day.

    Post # 71
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    based on the poll results, I think the Bees have spoken.

    She’s a B*ITCH!

    Post # 72
    Member
    321 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    maybe the parents would start caring enough to talk to you about that situation if you completely exclude them, and their awful children from your wedding.  i don’t want to pass judgement on the rest of your family who may or may not know.  but damn, if a person with any ethics or morals at all even heard a rumer that one of thier kids did something like that – they would look into it.  their silence speaks volumes, and you are a very big person for even considering inviting them. 

    if anything there is the silver lining that this person finally showed enough of her dispicable self so that you could remove her from such an important role in your life.  now hopefully you can replace her with someone who will be your calming strength, advocate, right hand, on your big day.  that is really what that person should be doing for you!

    i really do sympathize for your situation, it sucks to have something like that hanging over you on your wedding day.  i hope you have everything you want on your day, and that people behave themselves.

    Post # 73
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Molestation aside, why would your Maid/Matron of Honor think she has the right to insist that you invite her brother or anyone else for that matter?  I get that it must be awful to have to choose between believing that your brother did something that awful, or that your friend made up something so awful, and maybe I would be ok with her trying to get you to forgive him or understand how his autism affects his actions, or whatever.  But trying to insist that you invite him to the wedding is just inappropriate, period.

    Post # 74
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Pardon my french but your Maid/Matron of Honor is a f****n’ bitch and you need to dump her as a Maid/Matron of Honor. Be assertive and tell her not only are you going to invite the brother but she needs to go.

    Post # 75
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    if i was u i wold just say screw her. she obviously doesnt care about you or your wedding, she shouldnt be ur moh. shes a complete idiot. I hope things are good for you and u deserve to be happy. If that means her and her brother arent there than so be it. and if shes not there she can watch her brother so both her parents can come…

    Post # 76
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    btw it makes me so angry bc i been there… mothers ex husband,..

    The topic ‘MOH Insists I Invite the Man that Molested Me’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors