Post # 1
To add to my list of grievances for this wedding I just got an email from the MOH(and she is the one standing next to the bride and giving a speech FYI) stating that she cannot afford to give more than what it would cost for the bachelorette party. That means me(the Matron of Honor) and one of the bridesmaids have to eat the cost of the bachelorette. ARG!
By The Way we all contributed $$$ for the bridal shower. She says she is short on cash. Well? Guess what?! I am going to start working part-time and am due with a baby this August?!?!
Isn’t this her responsibility? Why am I being saddled with all the costs?
Should I call her out on it or let it go? And we are talking over a hundred bucks extra she is trying to ditch out on.
Post # 3
@baletrina: as an invited guest to bachelorette parties, i have always been asked to pay for my share of the festivities. (splitting the limo, paying my share for the erotic dance instructor, etc.)
my Maid/Matron of Honor is in the process of planning mine and i will have no problem paying my own way. she is giving different options for everyone due to budgets and they can decide which activities they want to participate in.
Post # 4
i’ve always been asked to chip in for my share of costs as an invited guest to bachelorette parties.
simply invite the ladies and advise them that they can choose their own spa treatment, meal etc (and pay for them) and that if they’d like to treat the bride to a drink (wink, wink) later at the lounge/club that would be lovely.
i’m sure the guests will cover their own costs and pitch in for the bride.
Post # 5
This is sort of part and parcel of being in bridal parties. Not everyone pulls their own weight and someone usually gets saddled with extra costs. In the bridal parties I’ve been a part of, that person usually ends up being me, which is why I’m making my sister’s wedding this summer my last one as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
But as for the matter at hand, there’s really not much you can do. If she can’t afford to give more, she can’t afford to give more. Your options are to scale back the bachelorette to what you and the other ladies (including guests) are comfortable paying, or pick up the slack.
Post # 6
@baletrina: for a bachelorette/hen, everyone who is coming is supposed to pay for themselves to attend, plus chip in a little on top for the bride – at least thats how it works here…
Post # 7
I had to pay for my own dinner at my Bach party, hang my own decorations, and make my own cake because my Maid/Matron of Honor wouldn’t.
Post # 8
The most recent bachelorette parties I attended each gal paid for themselves plus a little extra so the bride wouldnt have to pay for herself. Thats pretty common.
Post # 9
@baletrina: No one should be forced to take an extra job to pay for a bachelorette party. That is unbelieveable. You shouldn’t be doing it and you definitely shouldn’t expect anyone else to do the same.
If she can’t afford it, all the BMs need to sit down with the bride and figure out an alternative. It’s just a party – it shouldn’t be worth stressing about. Surely the bride can understand that?!
And if the bride has an issue with not having the best bachelorette party possible, then maybe she can help chip in a bit?
Either way, this is totally not the MOH’s fault. She’s being sensible and stating that she cannot afford it.
Post # 10
@peonyinlove: You’ve got that right! I’ve always paid my own way and frankly, I expect too!
@baletrina: I don’t think anyone should have to pick up an extra job so they can afford to be in a wedding. Maybe the bride needs to lower her expectations if her bridal party can’t swing it all. Sounds like everyone is overextending themselves a bit.
I for one and MORE than prepared to kick in some cash so we can do a fun bachelorette evening. I don’t want anyone going broke for a good time.
Post # 11
Thanks for your input. Just as an FYI I am going from working full-time to part-time, not getting another job! I personally started saving as soon as she asked me to be MOH(and if I don’t have to spend it all that would be amazing). We have already decided on the party, invites are out, funds have been collected from the girls. We did know from the get-go that the party bus would cost a little more and we would pitch in the extra necessary to make it happen. We, meaning the whole bridal party. Now she is ditching out and saying she can pay her own way and not help out with anything else. I know its not a shortage of funds since she asked the other Bridesmaid or Best Man to plan an out of town bachelorette weekend for Memorial Day!!
One of the other BMs is totally awesome and has sent an email out to the girls with my expense sheet included. She has been heaven sent.
Post # 12
@baletrina: I’m glad you have good support in the ranks! Good luck!
Post # 13
@ajillity81: I agree, as a guest, I’ve always paid my own way. I don’t want my BMs to eat the cost (most are travelling to come to the wedding), so I plan to try to pay for my way as much as possible.
Post # 14
If she is going to partake in activities, then she should be paying her share of the cost. If you guys had agreed previously to split the bride’s cost amongst everyone, then she should pay that too.
If she can’t afford it, then she should’ve been up front before the planning, and she shouldn’t be going. I will add that I find it to be TOTALLY ridiculous that people nowadays think it’s anexpected/necessary duty of a bridesmaid to shell out lots of cash for all of these different events just because they agreed to be in a wedding. You buy a dress and accessories, travel/hotel, present, and then you go out for a night of bar hopping and buy your bride a few drinks to celebrate with her!
Post # 15
I would scale down the cost of the parties to ewhat you’re all cmfortable paying. None of this stuff is required, and no one should be stressed financially over it.
Post # 16
@baletrina: Unforseen expenses pop up. Maybe, like you, she started saving for her bridesmaids duties and something came up and she truly can not afford the extra expense. Or maybe the whole experience ended up costing way more than she expected.