MOH is stressing me out over bachelorette, am i wrong?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2802 posts
Sugar bee

The only thing that would bother me here is that she may have planned something that would strain the budget of the other girls. Did she check their budgets with them beforehand? It’s never a good idea to make plans that are only affordable if every single person is able to make it – because that practically NEVER happens. And no party should be (or even feel) obligatory. 

In my opinion it’s often not really reasonable for the bride to be completely uninvolved in the planning. If you want to be completely removed from the planning process then you also have to let go of any and all control over what happens with it. I know it sucks, but it might help if you step in and try to mitigate some things here and try to make sure she’s not putting too much financial strain on the other girls. 

Post # 4
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

alfalfasprout10518 :  I kinda get what you mean. All I gave was a general idea…a night out at a city an hour away from us. There was a group chat with the bridesmaids that didn’t include me….but somehow I still heard of all the problems…I know who complained about money the whole way…who got upset her idea was rejected and decided to no longer contribute any ideas…who never paid and left the girls with her share…

Honestly, if I could do it over, I’d just ask for something more lowkey (maybe a sleepover+take out+wine+movies) just in hope there’d be less issues.

Post # 6
Member
1257 posts
Bumble bee

I would reiterate to your Maid/Matron of Honor that you do NOT want anything expensive that puts a strain on her or any of the other girls budget. Tell her that you will find it hard to enjoy the whole thing if so. Also yes no need to get involved in the planning any further.

Post # 7
Member
9953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I feel like it sounds like she’s going overboard and it may be time for you to ask the plans and reign the crazy in. 

I know you didn’t want to be involved and it sucks, but that’s the impression I am getting. 

Post # 9
Member
2802 posts
Sugar bee

I think you need to talk to her. Personally, I’d let go of the ‘surprise’ aspect and ask her what the plans are and see if there are some areas that you can trim back on. 

At the very least remind her that you don’t want people to feel pressured to go or like they have to shell out a bunch of money. Ask her to avoid anything that requires everyone to attend for it to be affordable. 

 

Post # 10
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

i told her from the start that i dont require anything to ocrazy and/or pricey so to not feel like shes has to go nuts. well, she is the type of person who hates surprises and cant hold a secret for too long

So…This is the issue with expecting people to do something they normally (read: NEVER) do. You can’t just expect someone to act different from the way he/she normally does just because you ask them too. Knowing that she is so bad with surprises, you should have not expect to be surprised from the very start.

I also don’t see her message as something to be upset about. She is probably stressed or worried and she is just venting to you like a friend would do (I assume you two are friends). She probably doesn’t know you are getting stressed over all of it (and I don’t really understand why you are getting stressed), but if it bothers you that bad I am sure you talk it with her. I also don’t think she is necesarily planning anything expensive, but I do believe that if some of your other bridesmaids have pointed out they will only participate If this or that, perhaps she is working with a very limited budget that requires for everyone to contribute (ie. asking everyone 50 dlls to reach x amount for a budget price, instead of 100 each for the normal one). 

In any case, talk with her.

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