Post # 1
This past weekend was my bachelorette party, my Maid/Matron of Honor and sister-in-law planned a bad ass night at a strip club; it was AWESOME! I got wasted, got a stage dance, lost my phone, got tons of bruises – the works lol. A great night! I guess towards the end we were all getting a little edgey with each other because we were tired, trying to sober up, etc.
My Maid/Matron of Honor was a little pissed at me because I told her that night to please don’t call me a fool (she was telling our Dear Daughter “Let’s get these fucking fools home.” IDK, it just didn’t sit well with me.) Without a phone right now, we aired our greivances over FB messages where she thought I was being ungrateful after she did so much to make sure I had a great night and stuff. I aired mine in which I said I was completely grateful and always will be, I just didn’t want her brazen attitude being bestowed upon me like that, it just hurt my feelings, and three days later – it still does. I didn’t want to be treated like an inconvenience or a child by her; plain and simple. I don’t believe that negates my gratefulness towards her. At all. So we apologized and moved on.
She told me Sunday she thinks she spent somewhere around $300 at the strup club. I think we all blew a bunch of money; I wasn’t sure how to respond. This morning out of the blue, she tells me again that she “looked at her account, she spent over $300 at the strip club.” Nothing more. Soooo I said “Do you need money?” and she hasn’t responded.
I guess I need advice on how to handle this situation, I don’t know if she is trying to guilt me into giving her some money to cover all the expenses. Which I totally will, but I’m struggling with thin line between trying to feel grateful towards her and annoyance that I’m being guilt-tripped that she did so much for my bach party. I honestly don’t need this right now; I am getting married in 10 days, and I’m super stressed, so I really need advice on how to deal with this. No one asked her to spend that much, and I certainly wasn’t the only one drinking, spewing dollar bills everywhere.
Side note: I haven’t asked ANYTHING of her during my planning process for the wedding. I paid for her entire attire, hand-made her bouquet, arranging a ride for her to get to my home (she lives and hour away). I know she has a stressful home life so I just wanted her to enjoy the day, so I’m feeling a but jipped right now because I feel like I am being guilt-tripped.
Post # 2
ShabbyChicBee: I know you let go the “fool” comment and good for you!! As far as her telling you how much she spent TWICE that would piss me off. I’m so huge on if you’re gonna do something for someone do it out of the kindness of your heart not because you want them to return the favor or money in this case. I was a Maid/Matron of Honor before and spent a few share of money on my friend’s wedding but I would NEVER tell her how much or expect it back.
If I were you I would NOT give her the money back unless she truly pushes the issue because HELLO you paid for her dress and all that good stuff and your wedding is 10 days you don’t have time for this non-sense. Buttttt that’s just me lol
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Meh I’m sure you were both “wasted” as you said. I would have let the fool comment go before it even became an argument. I mean, I understand getting testy about it in the drunken moment, but in the sober light of day I don’t see why you both didn’t put it behind you. Forget it and move on…alcohol makes people emotional.
About the money – I would not give her any. She planned the party. She incurred the fees.
Post # 4
She spent 300$ and she expects you to pay 150$? You had a fun time, don’t let 150$ ruin your friendship and your wedding. You had a drunken argument over nothing? Don’t let that spoil your mood. You’re feeling really stressed 10 days before your wedding? Don’t blame that on your Maid/Matron of Honor.
When a friend is disrespectful and their presence is toxic to your life- that’s the time to stop being a doormat and end the friendship. When you’ve had a little spat, you act like a grown-up and forgive and forget.
Post # 5
canadajane: where’d you get $150? All I said was that she stated twice that she spent $300 and I have no clue how to respond.
And, we got over our fight because we both know we were drunk, so all I was asking advice on was how to deal with her telling me twice what she spent.
Post # 6
ShabbyChicBee: I’d be really annoyed too, I actually have a friend like that. We always end up buying each other stuff and she’ll constantly be like “pay me back” but i always end up purchasing things for her. But anyway.. If you know your friend is stressed or struggling (not that you said she was) maybe you could offer to pay some of it back just out of the kindness of your heart. When she planned your party she should have known it was going to cost her a little bit of cash. but to some people 300 would break the bank or cause major stress, and if that is the case she shouln’t have offered to host the party. I would try to talk to her about it again and just send her a quick message on fb and say that you’d like to speak with her when you get a new phone, because any type of message can be taken wrong. Good luck on your situation and I hope this doesn’t ruin your friendship.
Post # 7
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
ShabbyChicBee: I don’t really understand being upset about the “fool” comment but okay! Regarding the money, personally I never would have asked her if she needed money, you’re all big girls and sometimes we go out and spend too much! Like you said, you never asked her to do any of this for you so what she spent was in her hands!
But now that you did say that…. I guess you’ll have to offer her money if she responds that she does! Whoops!
Post # 9
ShabbyChicBee: well…good for you for standing up to the way she spoke, and as far as the money – when someone accepts the role of a bridesmaid, you accept the cost, esp as a Maid/Matron of Honor. i would leave that be.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
She may be flat out stunned at the amount she spent. That’s on her. IMO, there is no reason for you to say anything. Let it all be water under the bridge and move on to a new subject.
Post # 10
Thank you all, I appreciated all the perspectives. The fool comment is kind of irrelevant to the point of this topic, so maybe I didn’t need to bring it up, I just wanted to provide the stance of where we are after this weekend. We’re fine in terms of our friendship; at least on my side. I just didn’t know how to respond to her 2 comments on how much she spent.
Post # 11
ShabbyChicBee: I think you are completely overreacting. I don’t see anything wrong with what you Maid/Matron of Honor said, either about the money or the “fool” thing. You’re being super sensitive over absolutely nothing. And it does make you sound ungrateful.
Post # 12
playdohpants: Well I’m certainly not ungrateful thank you very much. Soooo what would you say to your Maid/Matron of Honor when she tells you twice? And I’m really asking: would you ignore if or give her some money? Thats what this post is about.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
ShabbyChicBee: If she says it again, I’d say something like, “I’ve been there! One weekend I went out and spent $xxx and didn’t realize it until later!”
If she wants to be reimbursed for some of the costs, she needs to be talking to the other bridesmaids, not you.
Post # 14
I’d probably give her the $300 to just shut her up and be done w/it. Sounds unpleasant & I would want her to let it go before the wedding. Seems like she’s passive aggressive. She is upset that you said there was even one little thing you didn’t like about the night, she says she let it go, but she hasn’t, and now she keeps repeating the amount she spent to you, but won’t say that she wants you to give her the money. I don’t give gifts or spend money on ppl that I don’t want to & nobody “owes me” for the things I willingly do for them. She doesn’t seem the same. I’d just give her the money w/o asking her about it first so she stops harping on it. If she refuses the money, I’d say, please just let it go- take the money or not, but will you please stop bringing it up or say whatever it is you want to say now and then be actually, really, and finally done with it because otherwise how you are acting is tarnishing all of my great memories of that night.
Post # 15
ShabbyChicBee: I wouldn’t do either. I would assume she was just chatting… like “wow I spent $300! crazy huh?” …yeah that’s pretty crazy…
“Yup just checked my bank account! $301.19!” You were right, that’s nuts…
I wouldn’t offer her money. It doesn’t sound like she was angry about it. I wouldn’t be upset unless she said “I spent $300 and I didn’t want to so you need to reimburse me”