Post # 1
So long story short, I’m recently engaged. Due to financial and situational reasons, we are having a long engagement (3 yrs) so we can save our money to plan the wedding we want to have. But my problem is my best friend! We’ve been close for a long time, she has been with me through some of my most troubling times. I love her like a sister.
I don’t plan on picking my wedding party until I at least set a date and I get closer to the actual planning process (like 2 yrs from now). But she has already told me that she doesn’t want to be in the bridal party!! She was my only choice for a Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m not close to many women outside of my family and being my best friend I just always thought she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Her reasons are that she has been in so many weddings recently and is getting very jealous/depressed that everyone around her seems to be getting married, etc. “Weddings just aren’t my thing”. I can understand her feeling and the whole “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” thing. But I also think that her feelings will change in the next 2 years. I leveled with her and told her that I’m not asking now but when it comes time I will ask her, and if she says no I will be hurt, but I would understand.
We left it at that for now.. Our relationship hasn’t changed at all.. but I’m still really hurt by the blanket statement. Its been a tough few months for her and she’s been very depressed. I know that she will work her way out of it, and I will continue being the friend I am and help her as much as I can.. but I still can’t shake what she said. Should I be trying to cultivate a close relationship with another person in the event things don’t change?
Post # 3
meh. she may still be willing to help even if she doesnt want to be Maid/Matron of Honor. ive been in about 6 weddings in the last 2 years. ive told all my friends im not doing it anymore. its not personal. she’s still your friend. its not a judgement on your relationhip. she may really just not have the energy to do it again, especially if she’s delt with some really crazy bridezillas. and she could feel totally differently 2 years from now.
Post # 4
I think three years is a long time, and many things could change for her.
I also think that as her friend, you should make extra effort to spend time with her NOT talking about your wedding.
Is she single? Do you have any friends she might like to meet? Does your FI? What about having a small get together at your place, and invite some single folks? Maybe not with the expectation that she will hit it off with someone, but just to be around some other new people that are also single. I know when I was single and all my friends were with SOs, I had a hard time finding others in the same boat as I was in. It would have definitely cheered me to be with other singles.
Your friendship will go far beyond your wedding day, so take care of the friendship and see what happens. You have plenty of time regarding MOHs
Post # 5
@menobride: Thanks your thoughts! I actually have been relishing my time with her because I can talk to her about non-wedding related things. Since I’m having such a long engagement, I haven’t started planning anything and don’t really want to until I things are more aligned. Whereas my mom and Future Mother-In-Law are about all things wedding. So its nice to have some normalcy with her.
Unfortunately I’ve recently moved away.. so our friendship is long distance now. But I’ve been planning a “girls weekend” sometime in Jan/Feb. Where it can be just me and her and some of our friends.
Her friendship means a lot to me, and I certainly don’t want her in a position that she isn’t comfortable with. I rather her having a good time at my wedding than miserable as a Maid/Matron of Honor. I wasn’t surprised by her reaction or feelings, I think I was more taken back by the blanket statement..
Post # 6
In 3 years, things will change. I would just let it go for now and when the day comes for you to choose your bridal party, deal with the outcome at that time. There is no need to stress over something that may not be an issue in the future. Just let it go for now.
Post # 7
Agree with Mandy. In three years you may have new friends that might be thrilled to be your Maid/Matron of Honor when the time comes. Be open to what the future holds right now in all areas.