(Closed) MOH Issues (LONG)

• travelerkate
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: September 2011

Hi Bees, I ned some advice or plain old tough love if I’m being unreasonable.  Right now I’m really trying to figure out if I’ve been wrong ni any (or many) of these situations.

My Maid/Matron of Honor is my cousin.  I picked her because a long time ago we had planned we would be each other MOHs since neither of us have sisters, so when I got engaged (we were roommates at the time) I went ahead and picked her.  Ever since it’s been a downward spiral.

For backgound, she moved halfway across the country after graduation to live with me because she was sick of living at home post graduation; we found a great apartment and I started my full time job, and she didn’t have one yet.  In the year and a half she’s been here she’s had a few odd jobs, and one steady full time job, but she hates it and is always complaining about it.  She also hasn’t made an effort to make any friends outside of mine, and they don’t like spending time with her since she complains about everything.

Well now I’m living at home since our lease was up and the weding drawing nearer and nearer.  She and I haven’t seen much of each other.  She sort of planned my bachelorette party, but really my Bridesmaid or Best Man planned it and did the work.

Since then she has done some of the extras, like helping to address invites with some of my friends (again spent the time complaining about how late it was, how her handwriting was bad, how her pen wasn’t working right), and went to one dress fitting.  I emailed all my Bridesmaid or Best Man about a dress fitting and driving to the wedding site (about a 3 hr drive from home) for a weekend to see it, do a hair run, and go to our friend’s lakehouse.  She never responded to that, even though the other girls who couldn’t make it at least told me.

So…I just got this Facebook message from her:

Hey what time are you planning on going up to Omaha on the 2nd? I’m trying to get an idea so I can put in my time off request (I have to at least clock in at work on Friday or I don’t get holiday pay for Monday … it sucks!).

I told her the plan (which we had talked about for months): I’m actually going up thursday night with annie and christy. i dont think were going we have any real plans for friday so anytime you can make it would be fine!

To which she replies: ok whatever

So now I just don’t know what to do.  I mean, anytime I try to invite her to something wedding related she finds a way to complain, usually about cost.  I’m trying to make this easy on everyone by paying for their hotel rooms, hair and makeup, told them to wear whatever black shoes they want, and their dress is only $100 (I’m paying the rest of it).  I just don’t know how to approach her now, I feel like she’s just going to be mad or indifferent about everything- and the wedding is 4 weeks away!!!

HELP PLEASE

• travelerkate
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: September 2011

So I just decided to respond, and sent her this:

I’m sorry if our signals got crossed somewhere, since the out of town girls are flying in early we had all talked about going up Thursday night. I completely understand that you don’t want to miss out on holiday pay (WTF is wrong with that company??!?!? haha). I think Friday we might do mani/pedis later in the day, or just do it back in KC, so other than that possible plan, there’s not much going on during the day. We’ll probably all get dinner and go out Friday night since most everyone should be there then (not sure if Andrea and Liz can come til Saturday)

I also just sent her a text asking what she wants to do for her bday next week, so she doesn’t think things need to be weird with us.  I honestly just want to get through this as civil as possible. 

@MrsSl82be neither of us are good at confrontation; she’s actually worse than me, so talking to her about it probably wouldn’t go well.  She clams up so nothing really gets resolved.