Post # 1
So I asked a good friend of mine ot be my Maid/Matron of Honor a few months ago. She was thrilled, so excited! But ever since, I have been having ‘issues’ with her and need advice. First, I am a pretty laid back bride and have basically been planning everythign around everyone elses schedules/interests, which has been fine and has all worked out to my liking anyways. Two of my bridesmaids live out of town, including my Maid/Matron of Honor who lives 4 hours away. Well, my newly single Maid/Matron of Honor has become pretty distant with me now that she has her single group of girlfriends that she does EVERYTHING with. This doesn’t bother me in the least until now I feel like it is affecting our friendship.
1.A couple of weeks ago, she came into town with her girl friend group. THe night they got in town, I reserved us all a table at a restaurant she wanted to go to. She didn’t answer my calls until an hour or so after saying ‘Oh, well the whole group wanted to go somewhere else, so we will meet up with you after!” No biggie, I met up with them after dinner and made sure I got the location of where THEY were wanting to go right this time. I hung out with her a bit, but it was late by this point so I went home and told her I would be calling her in the morning to hang out/meet up because we would be at the same place – she never answered my calls or texts until HOURS later I get a text saying ot meet up later. By this point, I was a bit aggravated and didn’t make any more effort because I felt like it was all one sided.
2. In October, I sent links to all of my Bridesmaid or Best Man asking their opinions about which Bridesmaid or Best Man dress they liked best. They actually all responded the same one so that is the one we chose to order. The ‘deadline’ the store set for the BM’s to order (they could call in an order and didn’t have to go there to get sized/order) was November 25. All of my Bridesmaid or Best Man ordered the first week of Nov while my Maid/Matron of Honor ordered Nov 29 – after I reminded her a few times.
3. I told all of my Bridesmaid or Best Man when our engagement party would be (weekend after Christmas since family/friends will be in town). Everyone said “Of course I will be there” except my Maid/Matron of Honor. She said her grandpa was planning a family vacay and it may coincide with that date but she would keep me posted. A week ago she said “I’ll let you know if I can make it that weekend – it is such a busy time being right before NYE.” Ok, Well I just messaged her today to see how those plans were coming and to expect the invite in the mail this week. Her response “Well I talked to my dad yesterday and we are celebrating Christmas with him that weekend so I won’t be able to make it to your party.”
I kind of feel like she was looking for an excuse to get out of coming. She takes trips nearly every other weekend with her single friends but now I feel like she can’t make a trip for the person she is Maid/Matron of Honor for. I don’t know what to do. Am I getting upset/sad about this for no reason? Should I confront her? I don’t want to ‘demote’ her per se, but also, I don’t want to regret having a friend like this in my wedding when looking back at my wedding pics. Honestly, I feel like right now, if she wasn’t going to be in my wedding in 5 months, I wouldn’t be making such an effort to continue what feels like a 1-sided friendship. She was not like this before she became single…
Post # 3
@MayBride13: I hate seeing situations like this. It’s so frustrating. I might have bad advice, but I wouldn’t tell her about anything in advance, it doesn’t seem to matter. Send he invites like with everyone else, and if she responds, she responds, if not, just let it go. She is obviously not going to be there for you like she should be, she’s not playing the role of the Maid/Matron of Honor or even making an effort. Just come to the ralization that she wasn’t the right peson & you couldn’t have known in advance, but she’s who you picked. Don’t let her selfishness ruin you wedding for you & don’t try and push her, if she gets things done and shows up for things she should be there for, then GREAT!! but if not, don’t stress. I wouldn’t put anymore effort towards her friendship, if she wants it, she can come to you to hang out o do things for the wedding.
I’m having a situation with a bridesmaid. We use to be SO close!! She told me she wanted to go to all the dress fittings & bridal shows, so I invited he to every single one, only for he to cancel last minute…often the same day. Including RIGHT NOW, she’s canceling on me for the last time to try on my dress before ordering it. I don’t think it would bother me if she didn’t INSIST on going to all appointments, then bail on every single thing with lame excuses for things she should of never made plans doing when we already had plans….and I ALMOST made he Maid/Matron of Honor, thank god I didn’t. Sorry, this thread isn’t about me 🙂 But I get where you’re coming from a little bit, and in my situation…I’m done trying. I’m not inviting her anymore. I’ll mail her invites to the shower and things like that, if she shows great, if not, oh well, I’m no longer stressing on it and that’s why I give you the same advice. My wedding peparation has enough stress, I’m not letting he add more. I’m over it.
Post # 4
@MayBride13: I say give her a little bit of slack. It sounds like she is going through a rough time with the break up and is probably pretty jealous of your marriage. (At least that’s the vibe I’m getting from your post.) Why not have a girls weekend, just you and her, and ask her what’s going on? Tell her how you are feeling, like she’s ignoring you. Obviously your close to this girl. You asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. A heart to heart may be in order. (Make sure you do this in person.)
I have a friend who was recently pretty jealous about her twin getting married. She’s single, and she’s pretty green about her sister’s wedding. For people who are single and want to get married, watching close friends and family get married can be really tough. I’m not excusing her behavoir. Just try to be a little understanding and openly communicate with her about your feelings.
Post # 5
@MayBride13: Yeah, like I said, I maynot have the best advice,
@lawyerchick13: You advice is probably better 🙂
Post # 6
Thanks for the responses.
I thought of that – about the bitter/jealousy about me getting married. She is a serial serious-relationship type person. When she broke up wiht her most recent boyfriend (of 2-3 years) she met a guy the next day and she thought she was in love. That lasted a few months and then she moved on again. She insists that this is the happiest she has ever been – hanging out with her single gals all the time. I would definitely give her a pass if I thought this was a “Im upset youre getting married before me although we were both in serious relationships at the same time and mine fialed” type of situation. But recently another of her friends got engaged and she keeps informing me of ALL the things she has done with this other friend (even though she isn’t in her bridal party). She has gone to her very informal engagement ‘party’, her bridal gown fitting, and has helped her select save the dates and invites. I understand, a 4 hour drive is a bit more difficult than helping someone that is in town, but I still can’t help but feel hurt by all of this.
I will definitely try talking with her about how I am feeling. Thanks!
Post # 7
@MayBride13: I just wanted to mention, the jealous girl I was talking about, insists she is the happiest she’s ever been beng single. She says its great and an opportunity to find herself, and talked about her sister’s and other frends weddngs all the time. I suspected this is not the case by reading behind the lines, and listening to what she was actually saying. We accidently got rip roarng drunk one night and she confessed the truth.
Take it all wth a grain of salt. People don’t want to tell you they are jealous or unhappy.