- 5 months ago
This is going to sound jumbled and long because I just have no clue anymore how to get through this.
I’m the Matron of Honor in one of my best college friends (Im older than her by a bit and was married when we met) weddings. I love her to death and we’ve been friends for a long time. When she asked me over a year ago when she got engaged I was thrilled to be part of her day and help even though I didn’t know her fiancee really at all. She moved in with her fiancee about 8 months ago, 3 hours away and thus the problems began… well got worse.
First off she has 6 BMs and I, NONE of us know each other at all. We are not alike in any fashion, all live in the same state, but not close. I teach 7th grade Science, Grooms SIL is a Marketing VP, others I have no real clue.
The bride has taken to almost a Bridezilla like attitude with things. When she calls or text she expects an immediate response even if I’m in the middle of trying to explain to 36, 12-year-olds how DNA works. She has already kicked out 2 BMs and replaced them. She asked my youngest 2 daughters to be her flower girls because “twins are cute”, now Hubby and I find out we have to have one of our older kids pick them up from the ceremony 4 hours away (freeway driving), in the middle of the school week right after its finished, they are not invited to the reception and she doesn’t want kids at the only hotel around. I dropped it, because I couldn’t deal with the fight.
We are comfortable, a middle-class family where we live outside a major US city, but still there are limits which brings us to the bridal shower. I offered to throw one because honestly in the 7 weddings Ive been in the Maid/Matron of Honor took on the role of planning and then emailed/called the bridesmaids, and the Bridal Party helped pay. I realize this might not always be the case so I mentioned to the bride, she told me all the girls were willing to help pay. I texted them and received similar responses, however when I tried to talk about budget all I got was “Whatever makes Miranda happy”. Again I do NOT know these girls, their jobs, or finances. I tried to make educated guesses after talking to the bride who assured me not to worry about it. I went ahead and booked a restaurant, thinking it would be the best option since A) none of us besides the Grooms SIL live near them B) Grooms mother demanded the venue be in grooms hometown C) The bridal shower is the 1st weekend after school here gets back in.
So about 3 weeks ago I send out the invites, the bride sent me the ENTIRE wedding guest list of 287, and tells me to invite all the women on it. I got together with her and explained 115 person shower was out of the question. I told her we’d agreed to 50 max, and thats what I told the venue. She became defensive and told me Grooms mother wants everyone invited so nobody feels left out or upset. That she will send out her own invites to the shower if I didn’t.
Now, I emailed the BMS about the changes and heard nothing, I texted and heard no opinions besides if that’s what she wants. Finally, again I asked them to email me privately if they can financially help pay, and what they are comfortable with, along with anything else as previously agreed on January 8th. It wasn’t a big deal before, because I knew worse to worse I could just cover it. I haven’t received a single response in over a weeks time besides Grooms SIL who said Grooms Mother told her it was the job of the nonrelated BMs and me to pay for it.
Now the brides is on me to plan the bachelorette party, I explain in my experience everyone pays their own way and told her I would cover her expenses and a party bus (because I dont want to feel at fault if someone drinks and drives). But that was it, now she wants a dinner show for “whoever can come” of the guests. I can’t even book with a promise of $1000 spending total, to be paid by 1 person. I explained this wasn’t realistic, and she told me she would sleep on it.
I don’t know what way to turn, these expenses are getting out of hand, and when I try to confront my friend she gets upset. Brides parents are passed on. Groom is just trying to survive it all I think. I need advice and not to be blasted I’m being a terrible friend/MOH.