Post # 16
OP… So you are stressed out enough to complain to WB strangers on the internet, you are spending $800 on dresses you will never wear again, planning a bridal shower and a bachelorette party for an unappreciative BRAT who wants to keep spending your hard earned money wrangling pre-teens all year long. Yet you fear you will be called a “bad MOH”? OP, life is about priorities. Looks like you are letting your “friend” walk all over you. Please save yourself like the other 2 BMs who were “replaced”. Don’t be the savior. Let her drown in her dream wedding as it is more important than your friendship. At least you will only be out $800 vs $800 + 115- ppl BS + $$$ bach.
Post # 17
You should absolutely step down. She is taking advantage of your good nature and hospitality.
Post # 18
I agree with PP’s and would step down if it were me.
But if you would rather go ahead, I would come up with a budget for the shower, divide it by how many BM’s there are and ask them to pay by a specific date. And if they don’t, the shower is off. In your OP, you said each girl agreed to contribute financially – so take them up on it! Same goes for the Bachelorette.
Post # 19
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Drop out now and honestly I’d ditch the friendship while you’re at it. Getting married is not an excuse for her to be an asshole. Get back as much money as you can and feel pity for the man marrying her.
Post # 20
She seems entitled and unappreciative and does not appreciate your time and effort.
The disrespect to your children is mind blowing. Asking them to be in the wedding and you to pay for their dresses but they can’t go to the reception or stay at a public hotel… she won’t allow your children in a hotel. I would say, “I am so excited and happy for you and your wedding however, the situation with the kids just isn’t going to work, I have a lot going on at home and am going to have to step down from being a member of the bridal party.” Absolutely do not allow your children to be used like this. Completely disrespectful! Yeah, it cost you $800 plus but you will be out way more if you stay in. The bridesmaids that stepped down had the right idea. This girl doesnt value you, youll be replaced by someone else. Find better friends!
If you stay in this, get the children out! A 115 person bridal shower hosted and paid for by non-family members. That’s the most rediculous thing I have ever heard! And then expecting you to also plan a bachelorette party. Sounds like a rediculous amount of drama to plan and no one is appeciative of it. You very well may be stuck with a 8k bill for a bridal shower, are you okay with this? Food and alcohol for 115 people is not cheap! The bridal shower is normally planned and paid for by family and only includes those close to the bride.
If you do this Agree with PP, get a budget. If the shower is 8,000 and the bachelorette party is 7,000 divide by the number of girls and tell them what each will cost that they have till x date to pay or the event will be canceled. But expect others to drop out. There is no way I would spend that much on anyones wedding festivities. I would also tell her to have someone else plan the bachelorette party. Each one I have been to each guest paid their own way.
You are worried about being a bad friend and Maid/Matron of Honor, you should be worried that you are being taken advantage of, and got suckered into a one sided friendship because you have!
Post # 21
playitagain : This is so absurd that it is almost unbelievable. Why are you allowing her to use you like this? You don’t have to. Say no. “But she’ll get mad.” So what? Seriously, if she cares about you so little that she feels entitled to your money, time, CHILDREN, etc… why do you care if she gets mad? Why is she more important than your children? Why is she more important than you? “Well, this is a once in a lifetime thing” — bullshit. She’s showing her true colors. Tell her she expects more than you realized and are willing or able to give, and you are stepping down so she can find someone who can meet her needs. What’s the worst that will happen? If she never speaks to you again, that’s a win in my book.
Post # 22
Individuals get away with this type of behaviour because people allow them to.
This is not a friend. This is someone who is using you and your children. Financially and mentally.
I would tell her that you are upset. Why are your worried about her feeling that way when she and her future Mother-In-Law obviously don’t give a rip about how you are being treated?
Inform her what you are willing to do and if that does not please her highness then inform her that unfortunately you will have to bow out. I sure would, without compunction.
Post # 23
I’d be saying no to all of it. If she doesn’t like it, step down.
Post # 24
At this point, you have to step down. The bride has already threatened to invite all of those wedding guests to the bridal shower if you don’t. If you plan this, you’re responsible for it. When all those extra people, that the venue can’t hold, show up, you’ll be on the line for payment, and you’ll be the one embarrassed. It’ll look like it’s all yours and I’m sure the bride and groom’s mother will blame it al on you to everyone. Loudly.
The bachelorette will turn into the same.
Post # 25
sweatergal007 : Thank you for this, she keeps telling me I just don’t understand how much things cost now. Which kills me as I totally get inflation having sons prepping for university next year lol. I just needed to feel like I wasn’t crazy.
Post # 26
lajoliebee : Thank you, that’s what I needed to hear, I have been just preying the bride realize what was going on. But she kept telling me I was the terrible and crazy, and let me tell you google didn’t help at all, because some of the stuff backed her claims. I felt like I needed to find actual people to give their opinions. Sounds, horrible, but I did love her as my best friend for so long sometimes you just need backing making a choice.
Post # 27
annabananabee : Thank you for this, I couldn’t believe when she told me “twins are cute” (they are identical). I feel horrible, this woman is my oldest daughters God Mother. She told me it was normal to expect flower girls/ ring bearers to be picked up after the ceremony and leave. I figured well I loved having kids at my wedding, and I teach kids maybe it’s just me. I feel like she is using them like one would at a photo shot. I’ve decided they won’t be in the wedding. We will just save the dresses for…. who knows our elementary has a fancy Valentines with daddy/mommy dance they would love it.
Post # 28
libellules : Trust me there is no chance my oldest son, and second son for that matter helping drive would be picking up my youngest babies. They are wonderful drivers, but I get itchy them driving back state roads to my parents 15 miles away to help on the farm. I hate driving the route to the brides new home, let alone further. I had thought maybe when the girls got sleepy my husband would take them to the Holiday Inn down the road if I had to stay and if he had to could leave them with our oldest daughter (we have 5 kids, 17-18 in a couple of weeks,16, and 15, then 4 year old twins). She just kept telling me it was normal, that “you and James wont have fun with Eva and Gwen around, you need to let loose and enjoy yourselves” so much about wanting people to have fun without their kids for the WHOLE night. I get its her wedding night, but mine was a long time ago and I prefer to have my kiddos nearby. My twins were a gift from God and I’m not overly religious. She acted like I was crazy questioning having my boys drive so far. I dropped it just because yesterday when I found out about it, I felt a migraine coming on. She has no kids, let alone teen drivers who I worry about every time they take one of our trucks out.
Post # 29
playitagain : Yes inflation but not that much. Where do you live? I’m in a HCOL area, California. And my friends set the number of people I could invite to a bridal shower. Not me. Its a gift.
For reference I found a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for $129. My friend found one for $30 so close and they got those instead. But still not $400. Those beaded numbers are close to that $400 price. But thats a lot.
Post # 30
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Oh no. Step down!!! She is out of control and she is taken advantage of you big time. I am sorry but your dress alone is 475.00? Holy shit!!! I would feel so guilty to even ask any of my girls to pay that much for a dress, I am sorry but that is crazy. This isn’t even your wedding and you are dishing out all of this money for her wedding that is crazy. Step down my friend.