(Closed) MOH may not be in the wedding. I'm finding it hard to be supportive…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is sad, and disappointing. I had a very hard time when I realized that they only time I could have my wedding was while one of my dearest friends (whom I would have asked to be an attendant) would be in Greece at a writing program. I cried a little, and then did my best to move on. And she understood that I couldn’t rearrange my wedding around her. So she’s going to skype in (her husband will still be coming – he’s a dear friend as well). Not the same, at all. But it’ll be okay.

Talk to her. Tell her that you need to make definite plans before she knows anything definite, so you want her there but you need a Maid/Matron of Honor whom you can count on being there for the wedding. Perhaps you could rearrange the bridal party so that she has some small role in the ceremony (reading a poem?) that could much or easily be replaced, or even deleted from the ceremony, if she’s unable to be there. 

Good luck. These are hard choices.

Post # 4
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Assuming that all of your other bridesmaids are wearing the same dress and if she is able to be there for your big wedding, then don’t stress about her having the same dress. See if you can find a dress that is a similar color or style at a local store like Macy’s or Dillard’s that she could buy last minute. Should you choose to get her to go ahead and order the same dress as the rest and she can’t make it, then you could always help pay for it or turn around and sell it on here. MOH’s often like being set apart from the rest so the different dress might be easier and special. Me personally, if my Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t make it then I would just accept it but put some kind of acknowledgement of her in my ceremony instead of having a small legal ceremony with her and one other witness. It’s nice that you are supportive of her dreams and goals and you should be, but that doesn’t mean you have to change up all of your plans for her. I’m sure if she’s as close to you as it sounds that she would understand. Congrats on your wedding and good luck to find whatever solution works best for you.

Post # 6
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@FloretteLiz:

I am so sorry. 🙁 I understand bridal party drama and can actually almost relate to what you’re saying about your Maid/Matron of Honor. My Maid/Matron of Honor literally left the night of my wedding to go student teach in England. The rest of her program left the day before, but she worked it out so that she could be there for the ceremony and part of the reception before she had to leave and took the red-eye out. Maybe something could work out like that – maybe she’ll get one that starts in August and be able to do that?

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t be a fan of the secret legal ceremony thing. Either way, she won’t be there when you are marrying your husband in front of everyone on the “big day.” I just wouldn’t go through the hassel. Plus it could backfire and you could end up with angry/hurt feelings because you moved something so *huge* for you and she didn’t/doesn’t reciprocate. It’s just a slippery slope is all I’m saying. Maybe she could Skype in, like a PP mentioned?

 

Post # 7
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This sucks. I feel awful for you and commend the fact that you realize she should do whats right for her. Is there any way she could fly home for a day or two? I studied abroad in Australia and one of my peers attended his sisters wedding in NJ…he literally flew the 14ish hours from Sydney to Cali and then the 5.5 hours to NJ…went to the wedding and then flew back the next day!

Between the time differences and the 48 hours of flying he was pretty beat, but he made it work.

Also, my best friend had a secret elopement well over a year ago and she doesn’t get married until July…I don’t think it feels any less special to her as they don’t consider themselves married until they have their wedding day with friends and family…

Post # 9
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sounds like you had issues with your other bridesmaids due to the dress cost. Maybe you should consider a less expensive dress and then they would be able to participate. Also, they do make maternity dresses.

Post # 11
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

At $99, you can’t get much cheaper than that! Sorry that things have gone downhill with the wedding party. Have you considered buying the dresses for them? I mean, if your budget allows for it.

Post # 13
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No explaination necessary really. Sounds like you’ve tried everything you could do to be accomidating. Four is a good number. That’s how many I have. I don’t think I could handle more than that – too many personalities! lol

The topic ‘MOH may not be in the wedding. I'm finding it hard to be supportive…’ is closed to new replies.

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