Post # 1
I was informed by my Maid/Matron of Honor that she was going to be in summer school next year and will probably not be able to make it to my wedding. She is going to be in Illinois and I will be in Texas. I am having a hard time accepting this graciously. She still says she wants to be my Maid/Matron of Honor but I would also like to know that she is going to be there and not find out a few weeks before that I am going to have to get married without my best girl friend next to me. My fiance is being very supportive and is also at a loss. I don’t know how to reasonably broach the subject and my fears with her because as much as I love her she has a hot temper. Any ideas?
Post # 3
I think if she wants to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, she really needs to be able to make the time committment. There’s not only going to be the wedding, but the rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and a variety of things that you’re going to need help with. She needs to be honest with herself (and you) about what kind of time she will be able to devote to the wedding and applicable responsibilities.
Post # 4
i thought about approaching the idea of her stepping down into a bridesmaids role because it is a role that is more easily adjusted and accommodating to both of our needs. She is in a very stressful stage of life and I understand that and I definitely don’t blame her for not focusing 100% on my wedding, she has a life too! But I would like to feel as if I can come to my Maid/Matron of Honor for emotional support in the month or so before the big day. I mostly need some advice on how to graciously communicate that I still LOVE her DEARLY but I don’t want either of us to be overwhelmed.
Post # 5
You’re not getting married for 11 months. I think if she planned accordingly she could probably make it to the wedding! I’d tell her that I understand that she won’t be able to be much of a part in the planning, but that you really can’t imagine getting married without her. Start from there and see what she says. If she gets huffy, then back off and tell her that you understand that she can’t be Maid/Matron of Honor. How can you be Maid/Matron of Honor at a wedding you’re not attending?
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
I’m confused if she probably wont be able to come to your wedding, how does she still think she can be your MOH?
Post # 7
Frenchbulldog: That’s what I was confused about too. She’s “pretty sure” she can’t make the wedding, but still wants to be Maid/Matron of Honor…?
Post # 8
I was going to ask the same question. I’d say it’s not that uncommon to be somewhat accommodating for an Out of Town Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe you skip the bach party or shower. Or have another Bridesmaid or Best Man plan it. The Maid/Matron of Honor can always provide $$ as financial support. and if she absolutely had to miss the rehearsal, it wouldn’t be the first time in the history of rehearsals.
But in all honesty, she cannot be a Maid/Matron of Honor if she isn’t going to be at the wedding. I suppose you could acknowledge her in the programs as some kind of “honorary attendant”, if she gives some kind of help or money to throw you a shower, etc. But it isn’t fair to any of your other attendants if she gets Maid/Matron of Honor, (while not even attending). Meanwhile, because she’s in absentia, therest of your BMs have to pick up her slack on the wedding day.
I think you need to just be straight forward. If she wants to be Maid/Matron of Honor, at the least, she needs to be able to be at the wedding. Maybe give her a time frame to figure out if she can swing it, maybe a few months. If her schedule is really going to be that up in the air, I think she needs to realize it’s just not fair to you to be in the dark right up until the wedding. You have the right idea. Just tell her you love her, would want her there more than anything. But that it’s a stressful time for you too. And if she can’t make it, it’s best to just know, so you can make other plans.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2018 - Millenium Biltmore Hotel
I agree with Miss FB and others. How can she be your Maid/Matron of Honor, but not attend the wedding? I understand what you’re going through. My Maid/Matron of Honor was a bit unreliable throughout some of the planning. She disappeared for long periods of time. While I made it through the planning process mostly without her, it would’ve been nice to have had more support. I think gently talking out the situation ahead of time is best. Once you are entrenched in a lot of planning, it will become tougher and tougher to confront these issues. I think exactly what you said in your follow up comment, is what you should communicate to her. You know life is stressful for her right now, and you don’t want to overload her. But you also know you will need support throughout the process, especially in the final month.
Best of luck!! Let us know how it goes.