- 9 years ago
Hi all. I apologize in advance for this being so long.
I have an issue with my Maid/Matron of Honor and need some advice. I initially asked my friend of 20 years to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I was in her wedding, and while we aren’t BFFs, we have been friends since we were 13 and I felt Maid/Matron of Honor was the appropriate role for her in my wedding. I chose another friend from college as my other bridesmaid. My fiance had a best man and a groomsman picked out, so we were all set with two attendants on each side.
While looking for wedding sites this spring, I became very close with the best man’s wife. She was extremely helpful in knowing what to ask, what to watch out for, etc., and even at 8 months pregnant, she still was out visiting sites with us every weekend in the hot sun. She offered to help me with whatever I needed, and even volunteered to help make my invites. My other two bridesmaids hadn’t even asked about the wedding once.
I knew this girl wanted to be in the wedding and I really wanted to find a role for her, but having already asked my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid, I wasn’t sure what to do. I made the faux pas of asking my Maid/Matron of Honor if she would mind being bumped down to a bridesmaid so I could appoint this girl as Maid/Matron of Honor (under the pretense that she is local and I needed someone in town to fill that role). She said sure, no problem, so I asked this other girl to be Maid/Matron of Honor.
Now, knowing that she was about to have a baby, I asked her if she felt that she would have time and be up to the challenge considering she was about to have a child to focus on. She said she felt that it wouldn’t be a problem, so we got that settled and I now had a new Maid/Matron of Honor and two bridesmaids.
This put the pressure on my fiance to choose amongst his four best friends/brothers as to who his third would be. There were big fights about this, and he got lots of flack from his friends over why they weren’t chosen (or even considered in some cases).
Keep in mind, we haven’t even really started planning the wedding yet. Finally, everything from the whole musical attendants fiasco sort of calmed down.
My new Maid/Matron of Honor and I decided to go on a shopping trip about an hour away from town and, as the guys were getting together that day to do guy things, we took the two month old baby with us. No big deal, or so I thought.
The shopping trip was a nightmare. I spent maybe an hour of the five hours we were there with her. The rest of the time I was getting her food and then eating and wandering around by myself because she was busy taking care of the baby. I texted my fiance that I would never be doing that again (which he unfortunately shared with her husband). We finally made it back to their place, and I quietly urged my fiance to take me home ASAP.
That was August 2nd. I emailed her about a week later and didn’t hear back from her. I emailed her again the following week, and still nothing. My fiancé has been over there two or three times, but it still didn’t prompt her to reply to my email or call. It’s now been a month and I still haven’t heard from her. Also, she has made it clear that she wants her baby to come to the wedding (even though we’ve made it clear that we’d prefer not to have any children there and both she and the baby’s father are serving as the primary attendants in our wedding). I have serious concerns about whether or not she’ll be able to serve as a Maid/Matron of Honor because she’ll be focused on her little one.
All things considered, should I ask her to step down?