Post # 1
I asked my good friend (former roommate) to be my Maid/Matron of Honor in July and she was really excited and said she felt honored. We both live abroad so communication is difficult due to time differences, etc. After asking her to be part of the wedding, I began to send emails asking for her opinion on my dress, colors, Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and didn’t get responses. I confronted her about it and after a tough over the phone discussion, we agreed to communicate once a week by email and over the phone every few weeks. I then travelled for a family emergency for two weeks in October and we didn’t keep up the deal. When I got back, I started to send my weekly update emails again and again have not gotten responses for over a month. I know she is working in very intense field assignments where the outside world and particularly the planning of an event six months from now seem distant and possibly superficial. I am not sure how to approach her since I have already made it clear that I wanted to communicate regularly.
Post # 3
This is a tough one. I think it’s good that you acknowledge she’s working on some tough stuff on her end. I would suggest communicating to her that you understand that, if you haven’t already. Is it possible that she doesn’t have internet connection currently, and so she’s not getting your emails? Also, when you returned from your family situation, did you explain to her what happened and why you hadn’t emailed her? It’s difficult for us, not knowing you or your friend personally, to make a judgment call, but I find in situations like these, communication is the only answer. Keep sending your emails, inquire about her work, show concern and sympathy-let her know you’re dying to hear about what’s going on with her. It’s a two-way relationship, after all, and you don’t want her to think that you are so focused on your wedding updates that you can’t see she’s dealing with other stuff in her life.
Post # 4
I’m not sure if I fully understand the situation, but I think you need to find someone else who can help. If she is so close that youasked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor, that is fine. She has a tough job and is far away. Maybe you should just call her every other week to pick her brain about wedding stuff. Is she even into wedding plannnig? Maybe it’s not her thing.
But I don’t think you can unask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. You knew what her job situation was when you asked her. Try asking you mom or other BMs for help.
Post # 5
I know traditionally the Maid/Matron of Honor is the one who helps with all the "grunt work", but in your situation, why can’t her role be different?? If she means that much to you, why not have her stand by your side as your Maid/Matron of Honor and leave all those extra duties to the rest of your BM’s?? You can think of it like this: The Maid/Matron of Honor is sooo special, she doesn’t have to do anything but stand by my side the day I get married! Besides, if she’s far from you, she may not be the best person to help with those tough descions anyways… Just a different thought
Post # 6
You mentioned that she’s busy with some intense stuff, so maybe she honestly hasn’t even had a chance to check her e-mail. Like it was suggested, if you really do want her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, maybe that part of the job is something she can’t do, so maybe you can think of other jobs for her. Communication is the key, so if you can, talk with her again and ask her what she feels she can do for you. Remember she doesn’t HAVE to do anything and MOHs vary in duties they do for the bride, so just check with her to see what she is comfortable committing to and tell her you want her honesty even if she thinks you don’t want to hear it.