(Closed) MOH Money Issues

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@armychica06:  This is tricky. I agree — loaning money to friends is very dangerous territory. Definitely stick with the old saying that you should never loan money to friends that you actually expect to get back. So if you loaned her the money, you’d have to go into it with the full expectation that you’d never see that money again.

That being said, it sounds like if you press her on this, she’ll back out of the wedding. Not in a jerk way, but in a “I really can’t afford this at this time, I’m sorry” kind of way. Is that something you’re prepared to accept?

I guess the real question is, which sounds worse to you — losing your Maid/Matron of Honor (not as a friend but as a member of the wedding party), or losing the $200?

Post # 4
2422 posts
Buzzing bee

Personally, if it was me I’d just pay for it. If she doesn’t have the money how is she going to pay for it? I’m sure she feels really bad about the situation.

Maybe come up with an agreement that she pays you like $10 a week? 

Post # 5
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d pay for her dress (assuming it wouldn’t be a hardship) and make it clear that the dress is her bm gift. Thinking of my Maid/Matron of Honor, I would have been devastated if she had to back out of my wedding because she couldn’t afford the dress.

Post # 6
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is there a way you can find the dress cheaper?  Sites like recycledbride.com and oncewed.com may have used AA bridesmaid dresses, or maybe the salon has a sample in her size that she can buy instead?

I don’t know that I would lend her the money, but I would definitely try to help her figure out a different option.

Post # 7
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry but I think you should pay for it. Otherwise she’s not going to be able to order the dress.

Post # 8
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would pay for it as well. Since you are aware of her money woes…then her paying it back probably wont happen and not anytime soon but maybe you can just use her services, so if you have little things you cannot do see if she can do them for you.

Post # 9
367 posts
Helper bee

Loaning money can ruin a friendship for sure, as can acting like a creditor to your friends. I’d just pay for it myself, and consider the dress a gift to her (and to yourself, since it ensures that her dress will be ready for your big day). None of the other BMs have to know you paid for it. She can “pay you back” by being a supportive friend and Maid/Matron of Honor. Surely you didn’t pick a bridesmaids dress that’s so expensive that you yourself couldn’t afford to buy one. 

Post # 10
2822 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would pay for it and that would be her gift. I’d be sad if my MOH couldn’t be in the wedding due to finances, so I’d do what I can to help.

Post # 11
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ooo this is tricky. I understand that it might be hard, but if you really want her up there with you, the best option would be to pay for at least part of the dress. I also like the ideas of checking around for a cheaper one on recycled websites. Good luck.

Post # 12
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you should pay for it, or she’ll have to not be in the wedding.

Post # 13
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

since she is Maid/Matron of Honor is there a way you can find a different, cheaper/free coordinating dress? it doesnt even have to be the same color or style, if it works wit the other dress the BMs are wearing… maybe she was in another wedding and has a fancy dress that goes with the color scheme? or someone in your extended circles has something that would work?

that way she as your Maid/Matron of Honor stands out a bit, you dont have to cover the full $200 (or hopefully any of it) and you still get to have her in your wedding.

Post # 14
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

This would have been a nonissue for me.  If my Maid/Matron of Honor had not been able to afford the dress, I would have purchased it for her or found a different dress that was affordable.  There is no way I would have gotten married without her as my Maid of Honor!  (She is the Maid/Matron of Honor, she could wear a different dress.)

Post # 15
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would pay for my MOH’s dress in a heartbeat.  I don’t care if she couldn’t pay me back, and I wouldn’t make her work for me to pay it back.  Honestly, she’s the most important person in my life, and that’s worth at least a dress for me. 

She has obviously told you about her money problems, so what do you expect her to do?  Payday loans have ridiculous rates, so she needs to get that under control first because it can destroy her…  If I couldn’t afford to pay back a loan, the last thing on my mind would be buying a new dress for a wedding, especially when the bride (one of the most important people in my life, presumably) knew about all these struggles.

Your right, loaning money can ruin friendships.  But forcing someone to spend money they obviously don’t have can do the exact same thing.

Post # 16
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who got diagnosed with cancer in November. She has kids and money has always been an issue. She also needs to purchase a flight up here for the wedding so yea, I offered to purchase her dress.

I got injured at work in December and haven’t been back since then…we’ve lost about $4,000 in income since then and am struggling to pay the wedding in cash and will likely need to take a loan from my mother due to our unforseen circumstances. My Maid/Matron of Honor is also getting married this summer and offered to purchase a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for me. I declined. BUT, I was happy for the offer. We have 7 weddings this year, including our own and her (my MOH) wedding which is a destination wedding in Florida. It’s tough, but I would offer to pay for the dress. It’s the least you could do and it sounds like she’s having a hard time.

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