Post # 1
I’m getting married next year and my older sister is my Matron of Honor. I stood by her side as her MOH years ago & now I’m excited to have her by my side! Unfortunately – the highly exciting & emotional events that have already taken place, were kinda dampened by her attitude… First, she came dress shopping w/ me & was on the phone most of the time and seemed pretty disconnected (the salesperson had to get her ourside while I waited w/ my dress on), she helped throw our engagement party at her house, but kept on getting irritated with the details during the planning process, then venting to me about it – and wasn’t being very social (as the host) with the rest of the bridal party. My fiance & I are keeping a low-stress & fun attitude about everything, but when she gets annoyed and starts giving me attitude, we start to get stressed, cause I feel like I’m inconveniencing her – so I feel bad. I thought she’d understand my emotional needs (that I didn’t even think I’d have!) because she had a big wedding too, but I feel like she’s actually making things more stressful for me. I’ve been confiding more to my friends & cousins/bridesmaids than I do to her about wedding stuff, but maybe it’s cause she and I never had that type of friendship in our sibling relationship, which I’m thinking is cause she’s my older sister and can sometimes be a little negative & judgemental. She’s very busy with her young kids and she’s a great mom, but I just wish that she could understand that this is the only time I’ll ever need her this way and I wish she’d pull through… I don’t want to hurt her feelings and I have a hard time getting things like this out to her without getting choked up … so, not sure what to do.
Post # 3
i think you should have a heart to heart talk with her and she whats going on, I am sure, like you said she has a lot going on and may not know how she is coming off to you
Post # 4
The biggest thing I learned going through the process of having bridesmaids is that you absolutely cannot make someone act the way you want or the way you expect. All you can do is be thankful for whatever her level of involvement is and find the people you actually can rely on and ask for their help. It sound like your sister is as involved as she can be/wants to be. I’m sure she is busy with her kids and sometimes after all the stress and excitement of wedding panning is over, you can forget what a crazy time it can be. She might not even realize how much support you need right now. I wouldn’t press her for more than she can give, and avoid further stress for yourself. Hopefully some of your bridesmaids or family can be more enthusiastic? Stay calm and remember to have fun with all of this stuff!
Post # 5
With sisters it can be tough because they have to step out of their sister role and be a Maid/Matron of Honor. I have two sisters as my MOH’s and the one has done nothing but make every single detail of the wedding as stressful and hard on me as she possibly can. My other sister (who I am not as close with) is being super supportive and excited about everything, even though she is busy with two little ones of her own.
All you can do is dismiss her behavior from your mind and focus on things that make you happy. Don’t go to her with things you need a Maid/Matron of Honor to do, go to another one of your bridesmaids if you need support especially. It’s kind of sad because she has the title but is not earning it, but at the end of the day whatever!!
Post # 6
Thanks gals! I really appreciate all the advice… it feels great to know that others understand how I’m feeling. I just thought that since I love her & her family so much & have always wanted nothing for the best for her (i’m always there for her & her kids – showers/dinners/spending QT, etc) that she’d do the same in my time of need. And I can’t help but to feel annoyed and hurt, but also question if I’m over-reacting?! I’m thinking of going to coffee with her, but not sure if it’ll change anything or how she’d take it. She’s a really cool person and is always there 110% for her friends, but wish she could do the same for me during this time.