(Closed) MOH Needs Bridal Shower Advice

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
578 posts
Busy bee

A wedding shower two days before a wedding wouldn’t seem right to me either, unless you absolutely weren’t expecting gifts (or if you were, aren’t expecting them at the wedding).  I likely wouldn’t do two gifts in the same week for the same couple. I also wouldn’t attend a bridal shower on a weekday – it’s just not worth it to take a day off for a shower. 

Post # 3
1283 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA

is she dead set on having a bridal shower? I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding a couple of years ago, the bride and groom lived in a different state than the wedding would be in, all of her bridal party lived either in the city the wedding would be in or other states, and all of their family lived in other states. So the bride for-go a bridal shower, we threw her a big bachelorette party, and they recieved all of their gifts at the wedding. It worked out really well. It would have been a heck of a headache to have planned it considering so many of the wedding guests lived out of state/across the country. Maybe ask your sister if a Bridal shower is a must?

Post # 4
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

amb06h:  I wouldn’t think too much into it (about gifts and what not) but I know I probably wouldn’t take an additional day off.

A friend of Darling Husband and I got married on a Saturday, but had a “tea party” bridal shower Thursday evening. They did this because most of her family and friends were from Out of Town and were already there. I don’t live far, but I wasn’t about to take Thursday off to get down there for it plus Friday. It was an inconvenient day for me, but it was really the only time it worked for the bride.

I think, in your case, there may be a weak turnout at the bridal shower if it is held months before versus 2 days before. It seems more convenient to have it that soon before the wedding. The people that are already there can come versus trying to pay for another flight/car trip/etc to get there and then come back for the wedding later on.

Post # 8
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

amb06h:  I completely agree with you. Most of the time, you can say your piece but it’s the bride’s decision, but in this case with the shower you are offering to throw the shower so it’s really YOUR decision (although it could create drama and it would probably help if the bride is available on the date you choose)

I am in a similar situation as a bride and we contemplated having the shower the Saturday before the Sunday wedding (my aunt who is hosting had this idea). We decided against it for all of the reasons you mentioned. 

I think the bride is just trying to be able to have everyone she wants there, because she loves them and it’s a special event. The reality is that not everyone can come to every shower. I, in a very similar situation, had to come to the realization about this. I am bummed because one of my BMs can’t come (travel is expensive!) and a lot of relatives can’t come either, but I’ve gotten around it now and I am just super excited for the people who are going to be there. 

The bonus is that I can use that weekend to work on more of the wedding plans with my family, which would work out for your bride too if she flew in for the weekend. 

Post # 9
4040 posts
Honey bee


amb06h:  I’m concerned about how she would get all those shower gifts home? I went to a baby shower, for a mother to be who lived 14 hours away; she flew in and back for the shower and her husband had to drive, to haul back all the gifts. Her Dad drove a load of gifts out, too. Now how much did the time off work, gas, and tolls cost them? Didn’t make sense that almost all t e woman invited wanted to show-off the gifts the bought, at the shower. I had mine sent directly to her home, from her online registry.

Post # 10
479 posts
Helper bee

I was Maid/Matron of Honor for a friend last summer who was in a similar situation. She was a plane ride away, as were most of the BM’s and a lot of guests.

She didn’t want a shower, she said opening gifts made her uncomfortable and she didn’t know how she would get anything back to the other side of the country anyway.

We ended up doing a Bachelorette a week before the wedding. Not everyone could come (out of towners) but that really couldn’t be avoided. Doing something on the Friday before would still work though, as long as it was at night time… sort of along the lines of a Bachelorette instead. That way nobody would have to take off from work and since it is a Bachelorette… a lot of older relatives who are coming in from out of town probably won’t feel like they HAVE to go.

We didn’t do traditional gifts, but lingerie instead. Small silly stuff. I don’t think anyone thought they were being forced to buy two traditional gifts for the same couple, when this one was mustly just fun. Also, they made for light packing.

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