(Closed) MoH no longer A close friend how do I go about asking her step down?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Could you not let all this settle down a bit before taking drastic action? Only her current relationship problems aren’t really your business and it does seem a little harsh to ask her to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor because of them. 

Post # 4
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Steampunkbride:  +1

She’s kind of dealing with a lot of drama, and while it isn’t any of your concern and you should be supporting instead of judging, she may be too busy dealing with all of that.

If you are concerned at what she would think if you had her ex at the wedding, I say if she can’t set her pettiness aside for one day and act like a mature adult then that is her problem.

However, if you really are serious about asking her to step down, I would just prepare yourself for the end of a friendship. If that doesn’t bother you, then it doesn’t matter what you say to her to kick her out of the wedding.


Post # 5
47209 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I suggest you focus one keeping in touch with her- coffee, lunch, phone chats etc and stay out of her personal issues.

She and her ex are adults and they can behave civilly at the wedding despite their breakup.

Post # 6
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@Going_solo:  Definitely give her a heads up that you’re inviting her ex but I don’t think you should ask her to step down. There’s no tactful way to do it and it definitely will come across as extremely rude to everyone. 

Post # 7
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Going_solo:  none of this sounds like your business, and it all sounds like second or third hand information. 

i would honestly stay out of their relationship and break up. aside from problems associated with that – how is your friendship? is it something you could talk to her about or improve in some way?

if this is truly your best friend, i wouldn’t be so drastic, it’s very unlikely that you’ll stay close after asking her to step down.

Post # 8
13702 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is no nice way to ask someone to step down, and I’m sure she’ll be really hurt if you do ask her to.  There is a good chance she may actually just not come to your wedding at all.  If she starts saying nasty things about her ex (in general), is ask her to keep you out of it since you are friends with both parties.  A true friend will respect that.  As for the wedding day, I’m sure they can be civil for your sake at the reception.

Post # 9
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Depending on how strongly she feels about the ex, she may step down voluntarily once she finds out he is invited. If not, I would stress that it is important for everyone to be civil to each other during the wedding and reception. I would also let her know that it is important to communicate during the wedding planning process.

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