- Miss Snowflake
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
First just let me say… I love my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s been my best friend for almost 20 years, and I consider her a sister. Now, with that being said…
Lately she has been a little… um… distant. I guess I should start with a some backstory. I got engaged in October ’08. We both knew she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor, no questions asked. The first few months of planning started out great, until the beginning of this year. There was a little drama surrounding my engagement (a few other friends were jealous and not happy about it) but we worked through that and my wedding is essentially drama-free now. We are in the final stages of planning, and everything is just falling nicely into place.
Now, my other Maid/Matron of Honor (yes, I have a Matron and a Maid, they are my only two attendants) is flying in tomorrow to spend the weekend here, and attend my b’ette party and my shower. I’m super excited about all of this… Matron has been planning pretty much everything, and she’s been great. We’re having a couples shower, and about 40 people are coming! I was totally flattered that THAT MANY people wanted to come to our shower! So I understand that the shower has been a lot of work, but she was the one who insisted that she plan both the shower and the b’ette party, since she is the one who lives in town. Oh, and Matron and Maid aren’t really friends, but that’s another story.
So Matron asks me what I would like to do for my b’ette party, and I tell her dinner and drinks. She tells me to pick a restaurant, so I do, and reservations are made. And now, the drama…. A few days ago, she came to me and asked if we could move the b’ette party. I asked her why and to what date, and she said "Because I just don’t have time to do both, because I’m planning X’s shower too (she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor in another wedding in Sept, once again, an entirely different story…), and I think we should move it to THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING." Um…. I was a little taken aback by this to say the least. I told her that wasn’t really possible, since we are DIYing EVERYTHING, and the day before the wedding we have to decorate the hall, I have to make bouquets and bouts, do the rehersal, etc. When I told her this she just kind of went "Oh, ok" and walked away. So yesterday I’m talking to my Maid on the phone, and she asks me about details for the b’ette party. I tell her I don’t know, the Matron is planning it, you should call her. Maid does, and lo and behold… Maid calls me back and says "You aren’t going to believe this, but Matron told me all she did was make restaurant reservations, and that she isn’t going to be there." UM, WHAT? I knew Matron wanted to move the party, but to just not show up, not even to the dinner part, and to possibly NOT TELL ME she wasn’t going to show, kind of upset me, to say the least. So I called Matron, and asked her if Maid had called her about the b’ette party (OK, I know, a little sneaky on my part, but I really wanted to know what was up) and she told me that all she had done was make reservations, oh and by the way, I meant to tell you, I can’t be there. I asked why and she started giving me a long string of excuses… Oh, my out-of-state family is going to be in town (she said it like she just found out, but they come in to stay with her parents EVERY 4th), it’s my dad’s birthday (um, like you FORGOT your dad’s birthday? We planned the date for this 3 months ago!), I have to be there that night to watch my little cousin (her youngest cousin is well above the babysitting age).
Part of me feels like I have every right to be upset… and then part of me feels guilty for being angry. I know she did a lot for the shower, but I get the feeling that the real reason she isn’t going to the b’ette party is because her and my Maid don’t get along. Matron even told me "You’re lucky I’m letting her in my house for the shower." I was actually not allowed to invite another friend to my shower (that Matron also doesn’t like) because Matron said "I refuse to have both of those people in my house at the same time. You can pick one or the other." But shouldn’t my Matron suck it up for my sake? This is MY wedding, MY b’ette party… I chose MY BMs because they are both very near and dear to me, but I kind feel like I’m getting pushed around and ignored.
Another reason my Matron has been kinda distant is because she is the Maid/Matron of Honor in another bride’s wedding in Sept. If any of you remember my "Tag-Along Bride" post you’ll understand. Other bride’s wedding is FULL OF DRAMA! My Matron tends to gravitate toward drama… so I get the feeling that since my wedding is going so smoothly, then she doesn’t need to be as big of a part of it anymore. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m hurt and confused.
Am I justified in feeling this way?