(Closed) MOH not doing enough?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As long as you offer to help, that is all you can do. Just make sure your cousin knows you are there if she ever needs anything.

Going to her a few days before the wedding I think is a good idea. Organise a nice night with just the girls, if they are having a big night on the town in a Hucks Party, maybe just organise a dinner or something. Or as you said go and get your nails done together.

If she is not asking you to help out in anyway there is no need for you to feel bad. She WILL need your help on the day and then you will be there for her.

Post # 4
13902 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just offer to help and be there for her! I also agree that going the week before the wedding will be a huge help – even if everything is planned, she is going to have a lot of last minute things pop up, and having another person around to help will be a god-send!

Post # 5
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

DEF offer to help! send/call randomly ask how its going and ask if she needs anything. that will make a huge difference. my Maid/Matron of Honor hasnt done that (i was Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding last year and helped a ton even while living far away) and she has complained about everything i have told her regarding clothing shoes etc grrrr….anyways girls night out would be a great touch as well! she just needs to know you are there for her even if she doesnt really need you to do much!Laughing

Post # 6
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your sole responsibility is to buy the dress and show up sober. 

If you’ve offered to help, then you’ve been nice enough. Have fun on your night out.

Post # 8
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a friend’s wedding and did absolutely nothing but buy my dress and show up. I don’t even remember going to her shower…nor did I (or anyone, to my knowledge) throw her a bachelorette. I had just started college, and was living 2 hours away and broke. She was just happy I was there for the day. She even asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor again at her 2nd wedding! 

Post # 9
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

I think you’re covered if you’re offering to help.  If she needs something, she should let you know.  🙂

Post # 10
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is just my perspective, so take it as you wish:

The Wedding Industry has somehow made Maid of Honor and Bridesmaid (as well as Best Man and Groomsmen) as a job title instead of an honorary roll in the wedding (and subsequently, in the life of the bride or groom).  These days, if you’re the Maid/Matron of Honor, there is an implied responsibility (per modern society norms) to throw showers and bachelorette parties, help do this, help do that, buy this, this and this… There are even published LISTS called “Maid of Honor Duties.”  Being the good, concerned cousin that you are, you of course want to live up to these expectations because you love your cousin and you want to do the best for her. And now that you’re cousin is being low-key and non-Bridezilla about her wedding (which is GREAT), you are now wondering if you’re “doing enough” because the Wedding Industry has pumped your head full of all these superficial supposed standards to adhere to. You want to do your job right!

I think — to be the best Maid of Honor ever — all you need to do is love and support your cousin on her wedding day and all the days leading up to it. She chose you to be her Maid of Honor not because she thinks that you can do the most stuff for her (obviously), but because you are such an important person in her life.  So if you focus less on the things that you think are supposed to go with that title, and just cherish this special relationship… feel the love… that’s the most important way of all to help her.



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