Post # 1
Brand new here and hoping you all can ease my mind. My wedding is in 5 months and none of my bridesmaids or Maid/Matron of Honor have mentioned planning a bridal shower. I don’t mean to expect this of them, but my mother has been getting on me about it and even called one of them to offer her help, only to be met with a bunch of non-answers. I just found out my maid of honor will not be arranging one, as she doesn’t have the budget. I can’t fault her for this but my bridesmaids also had nothing to say. What should I do? I have distant female relatives wanting to know the date as really it should be about a month and a half from now because of our timeline and travel needs. Should I just throw my own shower at this point? But doesn’t that defeat the point of a shower? My biggest fear is seeming like a bridezilla for asking my bridal party about such stuff, but they haven’t talked to me about much of anything so I’m lost about how to proceed…
Post # 2
If no one offers to host one then you just won’t have one.
Post # 3
If no one offers to host, you don’t have a shower.
You can throw a luncheon if you want but you should never host your own shower.
Post # 4
As previous bees said, it’s not okay to host a shower for yourself.
If your mom is really persisting on the issue, explain the situation to her. Don’t ask her to host one straight-out, but leave the option open.
Post # 5
It is an etiquette faux pas to host any gift giving event for yourself, and that includes a shower.
If your bridal party is not up for it or cannot afford to host, it is becoming more acceptable for someone in the family- mom, or an aunt for example- to host either in their own name or on behalf of the bridal party, with their consent of course.
Post # 6
Nope. You don’t throw gift- giving parties in your own honor. Either someone offers to throw one or you just don’t get one. Not everyone does get one.
If all these people inquiring are so keen on it, they can offer to throw you one themselves. Anyone (except you) can throw one – it doesn’t have to be someone in your wedding party.
Post # 7
Are you for real? If nobody throws you a shower you don’t get a shower, and DON’T chase them up about it. “Really it should be about a month and a half…” blah blah no it shouldn’t. You don’t automatically get a bridal shower because you’re getting married. Your mum can throw one but even that is a fine line. What should you do? Nothing. If your biggest fear is looking like a bridezilla, then stop now because you’re heading in that direction quickly!
Post # 8
Can your mom throw you a shower? Or another relative. If they’re asking about one happening, maybe they’d like to host?
Agreeing with PPs, you cannot throw your own shower.
Post # 9
Seems awkward that they would tell you about it but not plan it. But if your aunts and stuff are asking, I think it’s perfectly fine for them to throw one for you!
ETA didn’t see that they hadn’t mentioned it. I’m sorry bee, I know it’s a bummer but I don’t think it’s ok to throw your own. Perhaps your aunts will?
Post # 10
Wow, I didn’t expect some of the harsh answers here… my mom can’t afford to. It’s too much to explain here and really Too Much Information, but my mom has done the best she can helping to pay for the wedding itself.. and she couldn’t afford the wedding she wanted and had it micromanaged by her sister, so she just wants me to have a good experience. And in the area I’m from, bridal showers are seen as part of the tradition although I’m the first of my friends to get married and they haven’t been in weddings before so I don’t know what they know about typical bridal party duties. My aunt had a brain tumor earlier in life so she’s not really all with it so even though she’s asked when it is, I really don’t envision her offering to do it as I don’t think that thought will cross her mind. My fiancé and my families live in completely separate states, so I was hoping this would be a chance for the ladies to meet beforehand. My family is traditional in that they view it as Maid/Matron of Honor thing, which I guess is why no other female relatives have stepped up.
Post # 11
if no one offers then i guess you dont have one? You can’t host your own shower! If anyone continues asking then you just say “as far as I know no one is planning a shower, I guess I’m not having one”.. that leaves the ball in the court of the asker.. be it an aunt or a cousin or someone… to either throw you one or ask you bridal party about it…
Post # 12
Sorry – you can’t throw yourself a shower and you can’t ask somebody to do it for you. Maybe your mother or aunt will step up?
Post # 13
When you say your Mom can’t afford to host a shower, what did you have in mind? Showers do not need to be catered events in a venue. Having a few women in your home (her home, your home, your aunt’s home), need not be expensive- tea, punch, some light refreshments like cookies, squares etc is more than enough.
You are lucky to be the first in your crowd to get married. Your shower will not be compared to anyone else’s. You also wouldn’t be the first bride to help out with the cost of a shower, although it is important to step back and not be hosting.
Post # 14
Pay for it but have your Maid/Matron of Honor name on invitation? Lol. Idk. Maybe they are planning a surprise shower?
Post # 15
Wasn’t going to respond until I saw how you got attacked on this thread. I really cannot believe how mean people are being to you for asking a valid and legitimate question, especially given how entitled and bratty I’ve seen other people be on this website.
I don’t think it’s good manners to host one for yourself, but it’s also bad manners for your bridal party to not be throwing you one – come on!! The showers I have been to have not just been about gifts, they have been a chance for the women invited to the wedding to have some time with the bride and other female guests, sometimes get to know each other, get excited about the wedding, have pre-wedding festivities. And yes I do think brides deserve that, so no, you are not in the wrong. I would be rather sad if I was in your shoes. And if I was in your shoes, given the relationship I have with my mom, I would probably have vented to her about this by now and she would have offered to throw one/I would have asked her to host and I pay for/plan it. Depending on how close you are with your mom, I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all, especially if people are asking about it.
Good luck bee!!