(Closed) MOH not holding bridal shower?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

While I’m on my high horse ranting about etiquette, I should also be careful to assume that everyone has the same type of family relationship I do.  If someone in my family were to throw a bridal shower pot luck for another family member, everyone would ecstatically bring a dish.  Auntie Sharon might bring 3 or 4.  It definitely wouldn’t be an imposition.

Post # 47
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

My mom was the one who threw a surprise bridal shower for me. I’m the first amongst my friends to get married, so needless to say (and I say this in the nicest way possible) my bridesmaids were a bunch of noobs lol. They had no idea how to be bridesmaids and honestly I didn’t know either haha. My mom contacted them and asked them for help etc.

Post # 48
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

Here to join the no shower/hens party club. My bms can easily afford it, and anyway like people said having cake and punch at someone’s house would come in at under $50. They just can’t be bothered. Everyone who has friends and sisters that love them like that is so lucky. 

Post # 49
Member
8377 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

“Etiquette” is just a fancy way to say treating people right. So everyone saying “who cares about etiquette?” and ripping on “etiquette police”, what you’re really saying is, you want what you want and you don’t care about treating people right. Leave the word “etiquette” out of it and just look at it objectively:

  • Friends or an auntie or cousin throwing a shower = “Let’s get together and shower our loved one with presents and adoration”
  • Mom throwing a shower = “My kid needs some stuff and I don’t want to buy it for her or give her any of my stuff. Will you guys give her some stuff?”
  • Throwing your own shower = unthinkable.
Post # 50
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee

You could mention to your Maid/Matron of Honor that it might be nice? But then just leave it. Where I’m from we don’t do them xo

Post # 51
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I personally would not give two craps if a friend/family member helped pay for their own shower or if their mom threw it for them. I also wouldn’t care if it was a potluck. If someone is invited to an intimate bridal shower, they’re most likely going to be supportive and understanding regardless of how it’s thrown. At least in my circle. I feel like people just look for things to be offended by. I agree with everyone’s idea of a small shower at someone’s house with snacks and cake. I hope you’re able to have a shower, bee.

Post # 52
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If you just want to have an event where the women on different sides of your family can meet, then have that event and call it a ladies’ lunch or something, not a bridal shower. The problem isn’t hosting your own event, it’s hosting your own event *where the main purpose is for people to give you presents*.

Post # 53
Member
796 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
sallysueinblue :  Showers were, at one point, surprise parties. It may be happening. But I wouldn’t get your hopes up super high, in case it isn’t.

Post # 54
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Five months is still a long way out. I don’t think anyone discussed my shower until a month before they decided to host it.

Post # 55
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
sallysueinblue :  Allof the shows I’ve attended were thrown by family, mainly Mother of the bride. I could see MOG also. Rarely have I seen bridal parties throw showers… bc they are typically pitching in for the Bachelorette. If you’re the first in your circle to get married, are you all young? It’s hard to expect ppl to chip in for everything – shower, bach, dress, wedding, etc… 

Sorry but if your mom can’t swing it w her finances, I think your options are 1) don’t have one or 2) give the money to host to someone else, since you are Considering hosting yourself. Would your Mom or Maid/Matron of Honor be open to that? Kind of make her the “hostess” in public for the etiquette factor and you handle the details? Just a thought. 

Hope it works out

Post # 56
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Who’s not being treated right if a bride assists with throwing her own shower because bridemaids can’t? As a guest woud you honestly be offended if you went to a well hosted shower then learned that the bride planned it rather than her friends?

Of all the showers that I’ve attended, the Hope Diamond was never a gift, so idea that throwing your own party is a gift grab is odd to me. She will spend a lot to host the party properly and the gifts are usually not the focus of the showers in my experience. You’re showered with attention,well wishes and kind words from famility and friends. OP should have that if it’s important to her and she wants to facilitate it.

Post # 57
Member
10413 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
weddingmaven : phrase

Wonderful reply !  People are so quick to use the clichéd  ‘pearl clutching’ term about others who adhere to  a tradition or piece of  etiquette that they personally don’t like/understand/wish to follow.

Post # 58
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

This is one etiquette thing I’m not fussed on either way. It would have been nice to have a party organised for ypu. Realistically though, the bride has to be involved in organising the shower, if only to confirm she is free on that date and contribute to the guest list – if the bms are organising, they won’t know the names and numbers of the brides aunts, and friends from other social circles, etc. So I don’t see the difference between a bride to be doing that, and going one step further and calling those people herself. If people are so against gifts, say no to the shower and don’t show up. If you show up, you are saying to your friends that you want and expect gifts. 

OP, if you want something why not just organise a small event or something and call it girls lunch or something. PP is right, the best part is just getting together with girl friends and getting their well wishes, and sharing excitment about the upcoming wedding. That’s what I’ll do hopefully. 

Post # 59
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

As much as you would like to have a bridal shower, you can’t force people to throw you one. Typically family members or bridesmaids throw the shower on their own. Your mom seems to want you to have one so why can’t you help pay for it, but have your mom be the host? It can be a small BBQ, tea party, luncheon or whatever is in your budget. My mother and SIL are hosting my shower next weekend and some of my girlfriends offered to help with decor or making drinks. If they didn’t offer to throw me the shower I wouldn’t have it.

Post # 60
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I agree with one of the ladies here. Throw yourself a pre-wedding party/luncheon/brunch/social gathering. And forget about the shower. Bridal showers aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be anyway.

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