(Closed) MOH: Oldest friend or my closest friend?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Lots of people have two MOH’s, so if that is what you truly want to do, then do that.  You can’t really worry about hurting peoples feelings too much – you have to pick the person (or people) who you want up there with you on your big day.  If that is both of them, great!  If you know in your heart you only want one of them, then your decision is already made…you just need to realize it!  From what you say, you don’t want your sister to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, so I wouldn’t ask her “just because” you want the easy way out.  You will probably regret that decision.

Good luck 🙂

Post # 4
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Ask the person that you can count on!  Personally, I wouldn’t ask ANYONE who would bring drama.  🙂

Post # 5
5385 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would ask both, or have one as a matron and one as a maid of honor. I have 1 matron and one made. My maid of honor, introduced FH and I, she lives in our hometown, and she is dependable. My matron of honor, is very similar to me, dependable, and has been in my place before (being the bride, so she has experience).

Post # 6
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I say, go for both, or have all three be “bridesmaids” and they can each have their own responsibilities!

Post # 7
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think having one as maid of honor and one matron of honor would be the best bet – and I don’t think it makes either honor less special!

Post # 8
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would go with both as well! I don’t think it diminishes the honor, if anything, it will make them both feel special and there’s no picking favourites!

Post # 9
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I would go with both too.

Post # 10
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Both! That’s very common, and it shouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings!

Post # 11
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Who is more responsible/organized, and who lives closer?

I was in a similar situation. I ended up picking my longer-term friend over my organized friend, and sometimes think I should have done the opposite. Here’s the problem that I am running in to… my bridesmaids don’t want to step on my MOH’s toes, so the ball is sometimes being dropped with Maid/Matron of Honor tasks. They’ve all been super helpful, but my Maid/Matron of Honor not the most organized person so some things are being forgotten. My more organized bridesmaid wants to help, but she doesn’t really feel like it’s her place.

Maybe having both would address that problem. But I also see some confusion over roles with that as well. I’d personally pick whoever was more organized and lived closer. Pretty objective, and I feel like that’s something you can reasonably explain if any drama results. 

Post # 12
1102 posts
Bumble bee

I would go with asking both, if you think they would be honoured and not annoyed at having to share (which they should be, it’s an honour after all). If you’re not sure how they’d take that, I’d skip the Maid/Matron of Honor part altogether. I did, since I couldn’t choose between my sisters. Good luck!

Post # 13
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You don’t have to have maid of honor.  I have a similar situation and decided not to name a maid of honor.  To determine the order in which they’ll stand I decided to have them stand in order of how long I’ve known them, with the longest standing closest. 

Post # 14
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would go with the girl who will be a better Maid/Matron of Honor. I have 4 friends in my party, 1 who I’ve known for 20 years, one I’ve known for 10 years, and two who I met after college and know my Fiance and I pretty well, but obviously not as good as the others. 3 out of 4 (including the two oldest friends) live in other states, so I went with the recently-made friend who lives closest and she’s also been a Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t think I’ll be her Maid/Matron of Honor, so I’m kinda in the same boat as you and your closest friend. I just think that this is such an important day that I would really want someone who I can really count on and who gets me where I am now, not where I was in college or high school and who doesn’t really know me or my tastes. 

Post # 15
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am with the previous poster. You don’t have to have a Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t. I do have one Bridesmaid or Best Man that does a lot more work than the others because 1. she is the grooms sister and 2. she lives where the wedding is and my Fiance and I don’t. I had my longest frined (since we were like 6), my sister, my Future Sister-In-Law, and FCIL. I decided, none because I hate to make a difference in peopl.e

Post # 16
32 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had the same situation and thought about having two but then decided I didnt want to deal with divvying up their responsibilities and making them both feel like they were Maid/Matron of Honor.  In the end, I chose my closest friend, because I couldn’t imagine her not standing next to me on that day.

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