Post # 1
Hi! I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor for my beautiful niece who lives in Florida (I live in NJ.) She has chosen to get married in NJ so that older relatives will be able to attend.
2 bridesmaids (including myself) live in NJ/PA
2 bridesmaids live in Florida
Half the bridal shower guests live in NJ
Half the bridal shower guests live in Florida
My question is-how in the heck do you plan a bridal shower? It’s a fairly small wedding (70 people) so it doesn’t make sense to have two separate showers (one in each state.) The two northern bridesmaids will travel to FL for a shower, but that leaves the northern guests out completely.
I’ve been in a bunch of weddings, but never one that took place out of state and I’m at a loss for etiquette for this sort of thing. Can anyone offer any tips?
Post # 2
I don’t see why the small size of the wedding means there can’t be two showers? Normally I think many showers is excessive, but in this case where its geography, not a greedy bride, I think that is what makes the most sense. Why not just have smaller (ie less expensive) showers in both locations? That way the bridesmaids don’t need to travel for the other shower, and guests who would like to be included can go to the one in their respective city?
Post # 3
I don’t think BM’s, or guests for that matter, should be expected to travel for a shower, unless it’s a short drive there and back that can easily be done in a day.
If you want to host a shower, host it locally and let someone else worry about one in Florida if they so choose.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center
I completely agree that it makes sense to have two showers since the family/friends are spread out into two states. That way only the bride and maybe her mother and Mother-In-Law will need to travel for the showers.
Post # 5
I don’t see why they couldn’t have two, and any bridal party or close family who wants to travel/can travel can but doesn’t have to.
Post # 6
Not sure if you meant to respond to me or clicked it on accident, but I said pretty much the same thing as you…
Post # 7
This seems like the perfect scenario for two (assuming there are two people who want to host). MOH/BMs aren’t required to host, so two people have to be willing to host. But basically, whoever wants to host a shower throws the shower they are willing to host (so if that means in their home or a restaurant or only hosting 5 people or hosting 50 people) and the person of honor accepts or declines. So, the FL bridesmaids can host a local shower for friends if they want. You can host a shower in NJ for family whenever it is convenient for the bride to travel there. It makes more sense for one single person to travel to the group than an entire group to travel for one person.
Alternatively, not everyone has to be involved. A shower in NJ may not be practical if she lives in FL (although I will say as long as you’re willing to ship things, it’s not that big of a deal – a friend just had a baby shower in her home state and just shipped everything back to where she lives now).
Post # 8
Sorry, meant to tag the OP.
Post # 9
I guess I don’t understand why all of these people need to be invited to the shower in the first place? Not everyone invited to the wedding needs to be invited to the shower.
If I were you I’d host a shower in your town for the people that live there. Then, if someone wants to host another one in Florida for those people, they’re welcome to do so.
Post # 10
Thank you all so much for your input! I’ll definitely do a bridal shower in each place. Like I had said before, thisi s my first experience being a part of a wedding that is taking place in a state the bride doesn’t live in and I was letting that anxiety take over. 🙂
You all have great tips and I’m excited to start planning!
Post # 11
You don’t have to host two showers (unless you want to)–the FL BMs or other friends may certainly host a FL shower.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t host 2 showers yourself Bee. That’s a lot. Especially considering you don’t live in one of the locations. Host the one where you live and if someone wants to, they can also host a shower in Florida.
Post # 13
This. My guests were distributed like this and my Maid/Matron of Honor hosted one at my Mom’s house (not close to where I lived or where a lot of my BMs lived). It was small and I was completely fine with everyone not being able to make it. I told my out of state BMs in advance not to worry about it. No need to host two! If someone else wants to host one in FL, they can do that.