(Closed) MOH Planning Expensive Bachelorette

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
13614 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Yes, of course she should  have consulted you! She sounds like a gem, especially those passive aggressive FB messages. 

I would simply explain that this trip is totally out of your budget and that if she wants everyone to be able to participate maybe you can all work together to plan a  fun, but much less expensive night out. 

Post # 3
Member
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yes, she should have consulted the party first. Now she has learned a very expensive lesson and being pouty about it. Like you said, not much you can do. Maybe the bride should be asked what she wants and is budget friendly?

Post # 4
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Yes, she should have run the plan past you first.  DH’s best man did this at first too (fortunately before anything was booked or paid for!) and it was hard, but the other groomsmen and my brother had to sit him down and simply explain “dude, we can’t afford it!” and then they started suggesting cheaper alternatives. 

This is the key – she’s already done all this planning on her idea, and to her you’re probably just being a bunch of debbie downers smashing her “awesome” planning to bits! Get together with the other BMs and come up with a more affordable alternative.  Does anyone have a nice house and can host instead of getting a hotel? Maybe look for an Air B&B rental in the area that would be chepaer and provide more space? 

Instead of just telling her that her idea stinks (financially) tell her that it’s awesome, but you just can’t afford it, but how about XYZ instead as a compromise? 

Post # 7
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

View original reply
mthomp88:  That’s basically what the guys did.  I think it would come off better if you had a few alternatives to suggest, that way she doesn’t feel like anyone is taking over her role. Especially with her passive aggressive tendencies. 

Post # 9
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

She should have consulted you but I can understand her being annoyed, too.  Like you said it’s not like it’s thousands of dollars and it’s something that you did know about, and you made the commitment to be BMs.

Post # 10
Member
13614 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
jess9090:  Totally disagree.  MOH has only herself to blame. A bachelorette party is optional, not an entitlement or an obligation. 

Post # 13
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would be mortified as the bride if my Maid/Matron of Honor did this. I’m sure she had great intentions, but friends shouldn’t be forced/shamed/expected to spend thousands to be in a wedding party, IMO. I would never want my friends to feel pressured into spending even more money, esp if they were already traveling for my wedding. 

I have no clue why the Maid/Matron of Honor would do this without talking to everyone first. 

Post # 14
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

She sounds so mature.  She should have asked.  Even if I could afford it, I wouldn’t want to spend that much on a bachelorette party.  If you plan a girls’ night and the other two bridesmaids are excited about it, she’ll either have to bite the bullet and participate, or not be involved at all.  What about sending out a group email expressing how this is obviously not doable due to everyones’ finances and emphasize that the get together would be a great way to come up with alternatives that everyone can commit to?  I’m sure alcohol and treats will help ease the tension.  Hopefully she won’t think you’re trying to take over her roll as Maid/Matron of Honor, but I’m sure if the message is worded in a way that suggests it’s a group effort, it’ll be hard for her to have that misunderstanding.  

I hate passive aggressive public announcements.    

Post # 15
Member
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

yeah… she should’ve asked. 

She’d have to be a complete idiot to book an $800 room on her own CC, expecting people she hasn’t run this by to pay her back, and opt for a room with a no cancellation policy.  ESPECIALLY considering how most swanky rooms in Vegas can be booked with full refund.  If she can’t get a refund it’s 100% her own fault.

She probably is just pissy because all of the work that went into finding the room and making plans is going down the toilet. 

 

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