(Closed) MOH planning her wedding on my anniversary and I am her MOH

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I say something?
    YES : (29 votes)
    12 %
    NO : (213 votes)
    88 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2335 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    You get 1 day, not August 17-19 for the rest of eternity.

    Think about when you first started your planning- how would you feel if your Maid/Matron of Honor asked you to change your wedding date because she wanted to go out on date that evening?

    Post # 4
    Member
    2589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I really, truly have absolutely NO idea why this would bother you, even a little bit…  I would think it was awesome if one of my best friends had the same anniversary.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It’s not okay to ask her to change her date, but it is okay to tell her that it’s your anniversary and have plans for a getaway with your new husband and therefore can’t make it to her wedding.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @BooRadley:  +1

    Seriously?  It’s her wedding…

    Post # 7
    Member
    4520 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it. Can you and your hubby celebrate with a weekend away the week afterward? 

    One of my good friends got married the weekend of my wedding anniversary this year, and I actually loved being at a wedding for our anniversary weekend — it reminded me of the great time we had at our wedding. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    What’s the problem?  It’s not on your anniversary, so you can still go out to dinner on your day and do the weekend getaway a week later.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1026 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think this would bother me if it was my first anniversary too, but I wouldn’t say anything.  Honestly except for the big anniversaries, 5, 10, 15, etc, its uncommon for other people to remember/do something to celebrate your anniversary.  I’ve known plenty of people who have spent their anniversary at someones birthday, rehersal dinner, family BBQ etc.  If you had a special getaway planned or something, I’d let her know you already have a commitment for that weekend and can’t change it, otherwise I would let it go and enjoy celebrating her marriage and then do something special the following day with your husband. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    334 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @BooRadley:  +1

    I’m not sure about everyone else, but when Darling Husband and I picked out wedding date, it was because it was the only date that worked best for us. Maybe that’s the case with your friend and her FH. Also, I think it would be pretty cool to be a part of a friends wedding.

    ETA: I just saw your update. Considering you have put a deposit down on your trip, maybe it is worth mentioning to your friend. If she’s just considering the day and isn’t set on it, then I don’t think it’s a big deal.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m sure she didn’t choose it to inconvenience you. There are plenty of reasons for choosing that day. None of which require an explanation to anyone.

    What would you say to her? If it bugs you so much decline the role and invitation.

    You are entitled to your feelings, but this isn’t something that will matter in the long run. Saying something will only ruin your friendship.

     

    ETA: Saw your update. That stinks about the deposit. Maybe if she hasn’t confirmed that date, you could mention that your hubby put a deposit down on your trip already.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Wait is she married, like you say in your post, or is she engaged?

    Be happy for her, it’s a GOOD THING…. 

    just saw your update… can you move your trip to the weekend after?  i mean it’s still a get away and will be amazing.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @jessw08:  Have you asked your husband what he thinks you two should do?  If the deposit is non-refundable and was a lot of money, that might make a difference.  Also, if your friend already got married, then this is more of a follow up reception for her?  Maybe you can take her and her husband out to dinner one night beforehand to celebrate as a double date or something?

    Post # 15
    Member
    11347 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I certainly can understand your frustration about and disappointment in not being able to celebrate your first anniversary by going away with your Darling Husband because you’ve chosen to be in your friend’s wedding.

    Unfortunately, however, I agree with @MadameTussaud:  The only thing you could do is politely decline to be in her wedding because you have plans for your anniversary.

    I have found myself in a situation where, because of our custody schedule for DH’s two younger children, my Darling Husband and I have been married for three years, but we have only been able to celebrate our anniversary ON our anniversary once — this year. This is just something about which I have had to adjust my expectations.

    Post # 16
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If you’ve already put down a deposit on the trip AND the trip can’t be moved back a weekend (though I’d be shocked if it couldn’t), then I would mention it to your friend and see what she says.  I’ve had to miss a good friend’s wedding due to previously scheduled travel plans – it happens.  But I also ran out every ground ball in terms of rescheduling the trip and determining whether we’d be eligible for a refund if we couldn’t.

    The topic ‘MOH planning her wedding on my anniversary and I am her MOH’ is closed to new replies.

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