Post # 1
Okay so I’m looking for a few opinions because I really feel like I need some other people’s point of views/a fresh prospective. I’m just recently married; it was a traditional wedding the whole church, friends, family, and wedding party. A month after my wedding my Maid/Matron of Honor called me to tell me that she was married! So happy and excited for her J . . .We have known each other since grade school, played sports together, grown up, gone different directions and are still best friends. But now I have run into a bit of a problem. She recently told me that she is planning on having her wedding 1 day before my first year anniversary? I mean really! Why, why why? Out of all of the weekends of the year I don’t even care if she had her wedding the same month as mine I know I don’t own the month but she has already naturally asked me to be the Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding and I feel like it’s kind of odd that she wouldn’t consider that my husband and I may want to actually do something for our anniversary like a small weekend getaway. I just don’t understand like there is no symbolic reason for her to have her wedding literally the day before my first anniversary, its not when they started to date, it’s not the day they were engaged. Obviously she is planning on having her date to be a Saturday which means that my husband and I get to celebrate our anniversary over dinner on a Sunday night. This would be fine but because we are both very busy people who do not get to do much we had planned on vacations for our anniversary or as I had mentioned earlier a little get-away.
Has anyone had this happen to them? Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I mention to her that it makes me feel a little weird/ I just feel like if I never say anything it will always irritate me. I wish it didn’t and it might even be different if it wasn’t our first anniversary but it is so I don’t know. Please HELP!
Post # 3
You get 1 day, not August 17-19 for the rest of eternity.
Think about when you first started your planning- how would you feel if your Maid/Matron of Honor asked you to change your wedding date because she wanted to go out on date that evening?
Post # 4
I really, truly have absolutely NO idea why this would bother you, even a little bit… I would think it was awesome if one of my best friends had the same anniversary.
Post # 5
It’s not okay to ask her to change her date, but it is okay to tell her that it’s your anniversary and have plans for a getaway with your new husband and therefore can’t make it to her wedding.
Post # 6
Seriously? It’s her wedding…
Post # 7
Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it. Can you and your hubby celebrate with a weekend away the week afterward?
One of my good friends got married the weekend of my wedding anniversary this year, and I actually loved being at a wedding for our anniversary weekend — it reminded me of the great time we had at our wedding.
Post # 8
What’s the problem? It’s not on your anniversary, so you can still go out to dinner on your day and do the weekend getaway a week later.
Post # 9
First I should clarify I am not asking her to change her date. She called me and said hey I’m thinking about setting the wedding date for X. To which I replied “that’s so exciting”. But I did feel a little disappointed not because I don’t want her to have the same weekend or month but because how do you tell your husband that the place you went on your honeymoon and have already put down a deposit on to return for your anniversary isn’t going to happen. I just feel like I would either a be letting down my best friend or b putting my husband on the back burner.
Post # 10
I think this would bother me if it was my first anniversary too, but I wouldn’t say anything. Honestly except for the big anniversaries, 5, 10, 15, etc, its uncommon for other people to remember/do something to celebrate your anniversary. I’ve known plenty of people who have spent their anniversary at someones birthday, rehersal dinner, family BBQ etc. If you had a special getaway planned or something, I’d let her know you already have a commitment for that weekend and can’t change it, otherwise I would let it go and enjoy celebrating her marriage and then do something special the following day with your husband.
Post # 11
I’m not sure about everyone else, but when Darling Husband and I picked out wedding date, it was because it was the only date that worked best for us. Maybe that’s the case with your friend and her FH. Also, I think it would be pretty cool to be a part of a friends wedding.
ETA: I just saw your update. Considering you have put a deposit down on your trip, maybe it is worth mentioning to your friend. If she’s just considering the day and isn’t set on it, then I don’t think it’s a big deal.
Post # 12
I’m sure she didn’t choose it to inconvenience you. There are plenty of reasons for choosing that day. None of which require an explanation to anyone.
What would you say to her? If it bugs you so much decline the role and invitation.
You are entitled to your feelings, but this isn’t something that will matter in the long run. Saying something will only ruin your friendship.
ETA: Saw your update. That stinks about the deposit. Maybe if she hasn’t confirmed that date, you could mention that your hubby put a deposit down on your trip already.
Post # 13
Wait is she married, like you say in your post, or is she engaged?
Be happy for her, it’s a GOOD THING….
just saw your update… can you move your trip to the weekend after? i mean it’s still a get away and will be amazing.
Post # 14
@jessw08: Have you asked your husband what he thinks you two should do? If the deposit is non-refundable and was a lot of money, that might make a difference. Also, if your friend already got married, then this is more of a follow up reception for her? Maybe you can take her and her husband out to dinner one night beforehand to celebrate as a double date or something?
Post # 15
I certainly can understand your frustration about and disappointment in not being able to celebrate your first anniversary by going away with your Darling Husband because you’ve chosen to be in your friend’s wedding.
Unfortunately, however, I agree with @MadameTussaud: The only thing you could do is politely decline to be in her wedding because you have plans for your anniversary.
I have found myself in a situation where, because of our custody schedule for DH’s two younger children, my Darling Husband and I have been married for three years, but we have only been able to celebrate our anniversary ON our anniversary once — this year. This is just something about which I have had to adjust my expectations.
Post # 16
If you’ve already put down a deposit on the trip AND the trip can’t be moved back a weekend (though I’d be shocked if it couldn’t), then I would mention it to your friend and see what she says. I’ve had to miss a good friend’s wedding due to previously scheduled travel plans – it happens. But I also ran out every ground ball in terms of rescheduling the trip and determining whether we’d be eligible for a refund if we couldn’t.