Post # 16
I think you should have little to no expectations for her, including showing up to the wedding. The post partum experience is hard to gauge this far out and you really have to get used to taking it day by day- some days are great and then others are a total clusterfuck. And either way, you’re tired.
I would find a great flowing dress for her and check in on how she’s feeling and just hold things lightly- maybe also check and see if she’d like a co-MOH who can jump in on things in case she can’t. Also do not take it personally if she doesn’t attend the wedding.
When I was a couple months post partum, I was all excited to go to a friend’s birthday party- it was going to be my first EVENT out of the house since my son was born. I was about to start getting ready and decided to check in on the time and realized that the damn party had been the day before and I’d totally lost a day in the post partum void!
Post # 17
It’s hard to say if she will be ok or not. First or second baby, doesn’t matter. I had a c section with my first and I found my recovery from my vaginal birth the second time to be harder. I had an extremely prolonged labour and pushing. I was in significant pain for 7 weeks. But, if she has an easy delivery she could be okay. However, she could go overdue as well so she may only be a few weeks postpartum at your wedding. I would keep my expectations low, make her as comfy as possible, ensure she has a quiet place to feed or pump, etc. It’s lovely that you are both being so considerate of each other!
Post # 18
Like everyone one says, it’s so hard to predict recovery speed. I had easy pregnancies/recoveries ( went out trick-or-treating the day after I gave birth to my third) but I had friends who physically were a wreck long after the first month.
Is there a trusted babysitter you could have on-call to help out your friend and husband?
Is there a quiet spot where she’ll be able to nurse if she wants to?
Post # 19
As other bees said, everyone recovers differently. I had a c section and by the end of the first week I’d have been fine to stand at a wedding. My husband, on the other hand, was still really struggling at that point so we probably would have gone home right after the ceremony to accommodate him rather than me. 🤷
Assuming the most she will do is show up for the ceremony sounds like a good bet, based on what everyone has said. Having a contingency plan if she cant do that either would be smart. Good luck!
Post # 20
My SIL had her first baby 5 weeks before our wedding. Everyone is different, so I let her determine what she wanted to do. I had a quite room onsite where she could go breastfeed if she wanted, and offered a hotel less than a mile away. She ended up choosing to have a friend sit in the quiet room with the baby throughout the reception, and would pop in every few minutes to check on her. During the ceremony, someone stood in the back holding her, ready to run in another room if she woke up, but she slept through it!
Post # 21
Flowing dress with easy access top in case she plans to breastfeed or needs to pump
Avoid standing for tons of time
place to pump/feed privately
def let her bring Mother-In-Law or other support person besides hubby to hold/help with baby
blackout headphones or separate space for baby to hang out because weddings are loud
No expectations for preceding events
If her first pregnancy was delivered vaginally with minimal trauma, her second is likely to be the same. She also already knows what to expect postpartum so she is probably more mentally prepared and knows what she needs/can do (So ask her what would be helpful to her).
All that said be prepared that things could go totally sideways and she could, however unlikely, not be able to make it at all. My personal experience was that I’d have been pretty round and potentially leaking milk but I’d have been able to do a wedding (with above accommodations) without an issue after both my first and second babies.
Post # 22
My best friend was supposed to be a bridesmaid in a wedding after giving birth. Baby was due the end of March and wedding was on Memorial Day Weekend. About a month before she had her son, she bowed out and was really happy she did. He ended up being about 8 weeks old at the time of the wedding. I will add a disclaimer that the bride was not very accomodating of my friend (expecting my friend to be present to “get her ready” for a Church ceremony just one week before her due date) and now they don’t speak.
I’m sure you have because you sound very kind, understanding, and excited in your post, but make sure you take the pressure off of your Maid/Matron of Honor. It’s likely she will not be up for attending, but my mom did have my sister and 3 weeks later go to my Aunts wedding, so you never know! That was my moms eighth child though
Post # 23
I got married in Florida during the Zika virus scare. I had a bridesmaid who was pregnant with her first child. Her doctor advised her against going to the wedding. Obviously we were both disappointed, because she wanted to go and I wanted her there. However, there are some things in life that are more important. I would never have wanted her to risk her safety or that of her child (who is now almost 2 years old and super adorable!)
She did come to my bridal shower and my bachelorette, and did tons of work with the decor/games/etc., but she left early from the bachelorette, which was totally fine. I can barely go out dancing and drinking all night in high heels…let alone try to do that when you’re pregnant.
Your friend will do what she can because she loves you, and that’s all you can ask/expect. Just try to flip the situation, and treat her the way you’d want to be treated if it was her wedding and you were in her place.
Post # 24
One of my bridesmaids was 8 months for my wedding. I spoke to her about it and just said that if she ever felt overwhelmed to let me know, and participate as much as she’d like to/feels up to.
We chose convertible dresses which suited all the girls’ shapes and sizes, including pregnancy.
She was probably a little less involved than she’d usually be, but we just put her health first and were both fine about it. On the day she took it easier and left the reception early due to being exhausted, we hugged it out and everything was fine!
Post # 25
I was in a wedding once where one of the other bridesmaids was due a week before the wedding. She was SO upset she wasn’t going to make it but the bride said “hey – if you haven’t popped and feel up to it you can make a day of decision. It doesn’t matter. I want you there if you can be there, but I also don’t want you to feel pressured”. Literally 4 hours before the wedding the bridesmaid decided to come since she was a week overdue and she wasn’t in labor yet! She showed up and surprised the bride and it was great. We all had different dresses anyways so the preggo just grabbed the closest thing she had that kind of worked and ran with it, but honestly this bride was so chill she would have happily let her walk down the aisle in a trash bag – she was just so happy her friend could be there!
Post # 26
I was a bridesmaid for a friend when my first was one month old. We got ready (hair, makeup) at the location so my husband came with me in the morning and he watched the baby and hung out with the guys in addition to bringing the baby to me. My parents came to the wedding and reception so they all mostly held her and watched her. I did breastfeed exclusively so I fed her as needed but I just tried to feed her before we did photos and right before the ceremony.
It was fine. I had a few drinks but obviously not much and I wasn’t out dancing much or anything (I think I did maybe two or three times).
I would say the worst thing was the dress they had picked out. It was rather fitted in the hips and I looked pretty terrible in it lol. They really needed like an A-line dress or something with a high waist to give your stomach and hips room. I also had a vaginal birth, so I can’t comment on recovery from a csection. Also, my first was a very easy baby. She never cried at all as a newborn. Part of the reason it worked. My second was colicky and I probably couldn’t have left him alone in the evenings. So, stuff like that may be a last minute call.
So- fine with my first baby. Probably not with my second lol. Only because of their personalities and the colic. I wouldn’t have wanted to leave her all day (I was gone 10am-10pm) so I would definitely offer to let your friend bring her baby, husband, and her Mother-In-Law if she wants.