(Closed) MOH problem-she wants elective surgery weeks before my wedding

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Wow.  This is a tough one.  I think it is good to come here and vent and whatnot (and I  sympathize) but ultimately there’s nothing you can do about it. Super bummer…. I hope it works out!

Post # 4
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Could she maybe push it a week earlier, even? She’s going to be mega sore at the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can see where you are coming from, because it may actually cause her such discomfort that she really can’t participate in the wedding. That does stink, for you and for her.

But I know it is really hard to get these things approved by insurance companies. To be a good friend, I think the best you can do is vent here, and then let her know your practical concerns, but from the POV that the two of you will have to work them out. Just off the top of my head, you should discuss contingencies if she can’t:

– walk down the aisle or stand through the ceremony

– stand for pictures (probably get your photographer involved in this)

– stay for very long at the reception

She won’t really know what she is able to do until the time comes. I would suggest just letting her know that you will work it out with her. It won’t be ideal, but a rented wheel chair for the ceremony and thought out pictures could keep her involved and strengthen your friendship, if she is really bad off. Just be there for her, you won’t regret it.

Post # 6
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmmm, everyone heals differently… hopefully she will be close to feeling “normal” 5 weeks post op.  I think she should be okay… she may not feel her very best, but she shouldn’t be TOO swollen that far out.  There’s nothing you can really do, so just hope for an uncomplicated surgery and speedy recovery for your Maid/Matron of Honor.  🙂

Post # 7
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s definitely not the ideal situation, but it doesn’t look like she has much of a choice unfortunately. 🙁 I can relate actually – I was approved for a breast reduction through my insurance company, and I’m having a hard time finding a time to do it before the approval runs out. These things are hard to get approved, so it’s basically a once in a lifetime opportunity. Hopefully she’ll be feeling better by your wedding, and just remind yourself about how much happier she’ll be with herself afterward!

Post # 8
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I can understand where you are coming from; however, I am pretty sure that; barring any complications, she will be fine by the time your wedding comes around. Usually, elective surgery mean an extremely quick recovery time.

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

she’ll probably be ok! My mom just had her stomach sliced open and her back worked on-MAJOR surgery, and a week later she was walking around. A tummy tuck is an outer wound (it’s not like she’s having internal stitches necessarily) and she’ll be sore, but she’ll wear the girdle (which will help with the pain) and she may have to take her time sitting down, but she’ll be able to function. Nowadays doctors (esp plastic surgeons) use lasers to help facilitate quick healing.

Also–there is something called Arnica Montana. It was recommended to me by a gynecologist/plastic surgeon for swelling and it freakin’ worked. I was HUGE after my first laproscopy and after my second, it was like night and day.

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

That sucks.  Has she discussed this with her doctor?  Maybe her doctor reassured her, or gave her good odds, that she’d probably be fine for the wedding.  (Shower etc. who knows?)

You can intern as a cop?

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

it seems like there will be enough time between her surgery and your wedding day for you to guage her progress post surgery (approximately 5 weeks?)…that way, one week out from your wedding day, if you need to make contigency plans, you can…i think it will work out for you and for her! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m sure she’s discussed everything with her doctor about the surgery and the recovery. I’d just be there to support her as much as you can at this point.

Post # 13
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

think about it from her point of view – she understands it’s bad timing but unavoidable.  She’ll most likely be almost healed and probably suck it up – yikes no pun intended – because she sounds like such a good friend.  Make sure to keep her comfortable – do they have to stand for a whole hour!?  She’ll probably say sober atleast!

Post # 14
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If it’s the only time she can do it then it seems like there aren’t many options here. I’d just tell her that you want her to be able enjoy the wedding and you hope that she’s all healed by then.

Let her make her own decisions, be supportive, 5 weeks is a decent amount of time and chances are that she’ll take doctors orders to optimize healing very seriously. Just make sure you’re checking in with her between her surgery and the wedding and make your decisions based on how things go, not on hypotheticals.

Post # 15
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think she’s done the best she can with the scheduling.  I think your male friend’s experiences are not typical.  From what I’ve read most people go back to work after 2 weeks or so, and you have almost 6 weeks between the surgery and the wedding.  I would just make sure she got all her fittings done before the surgery.  Yeah, she may not be able to tear up the dance floor as much as she might usually do, but this is something that will benefit her for the rest of her life, so I think you really just have to let it go and hope for the best.

Post # 16
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it could be enough time – I have had major invasive surgery with a “3-month” recovery time. I was back in school, back working, and feeling pretty darn good in 3 weeks (which my doctor agreed with). The only restriction I had was not lifting over 5 pounds until 3 months post-op.

Everyone heals differently, so it is hard to say, but she will need to decide most of what she can and can’t do with her doctor. 5 weeks is a lot of healing time.

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