(Closed) MOH Problem – What should I do?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

wow that seems pretty rude. how frequent of emails are we talking about? just a few updates? Or are you sending weekly novels? I think you need to talk to her and tell her that she hurt your feelings. I’m big on honesty when its done in an emotional and non-accusatory way. i.e. “i heard this and it made me feel like this because x” not “you’re a big jerkface because x”

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like you need to talk a chat with her about how much of a time commitment she can make and that you’re a bit hurt by her lack of communication. It sounds like you’re totally understanding of the demands of her schooling, but I would be hurt too if I found out that one of my BMs just deleted my emails. If she doesn’t want to be involved AT ALL then maybe she should rethink whether or not she wants to be in the wedding party.

Post # 5
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just to add to what Corgi said, I wouldn’t likely say “I heard you were ignoring my emails” because clearly she’s going to know that the other Bridesmaid or Best Man told you and could put Bridesmaid or Best Man #2 in a bad position. I would likely phrase it along the lines of “So I sent out some ideas and I’ve had lots of feedback from the other girls, but nothing from you. Is everything okay?”

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like she’s not so interested in being Maid/Matron of Honor after all. I don’t know what else to say. I would personally email AND call her to say that you need to have a really important conversation and you know she’s busy, but you really need her to call you back this time.

Post # 8
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Talk to her (call repeatedly, call someone she knows and say you haven’t heard from her in a loooong time and are concerned). While you have her on the phone, tell her she’s obviously got a lot going on (whatever the excuse she gives, just parrot it back to her) and you’d just be happy if she came to the wedding as a guest.

Then promote one of your other bridesmaids. If you can’t choose, you could potentially ask them to pick their own leader (tell them any specific tasks your Maid/Matron of Honor should be in charge of) or you could decide to not have a Maid/Matron of Honor, but it’s helpful to have one Bridesmaid or Best Man designated as the “go to” person.

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I had the SAME problem. My moh was a good friend for 8 yrs. she lived in another state (2hrs away) and so i knew she couldnt be there for everything eathier. I just wanted the moral support. She couldnt even give me that. She was always telling me what she wanted me to do, and picking stuff out. etc. I had my day to look for their dresses picked out two months in advance. She ended up going to england on the same day.. I was really upset and told her how i felt. She decided we need not be friends no more and so now not only is she NOT my moh, she is not even my friend. It was a bummer it took a special day like my wedding to find this out, but at least i found it out.

good luck with everything. I think you need to let her go of moh duties. she is certainly not moh quality.

Post # 10
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

She has clearly let this position go. I really am in the same situation as we speak right now. This is your time to enjoy and don’t allow her childish, immature ways take away from that. Either find another one or go without like me.

Post # 11
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It sounds like she is not interested in being Maid/Matron of Honor or even involved with your wedding at all.  I would try calling some more and sending her an email or letter (certified mail, so you know she got it) and let her know that you lover her dearly and that you wish to continue being friends, but that you feel that since you have asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor she has lost contact with you (maybe due to things in her life she has yet to talk to you about) and that you would understand if she wanted to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor so the two of you can work on your friendship.  I hope things work out for you!!!

Post # 12
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

maybe you should talk to her. Or write her a long email with the subject “NAME, Please read” and tell her you would be fine with it if she didn’t want to be a part of your wedding but she needs to be honest with you… you really need to get to the bottom of this asap.

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