(Closed) MOH problem…HELP! Your advice is very appreciated!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, I would stay firm about the dress but give in about the shoes. I’m about 4-5 inches taller than both of my bridesmaids were. I wore 4′ heels and was almost 6’0 on my wedding day. On the other hand, DH’s groomsman were both a few inches taller than him. So, we had 2 very tall groomsman, 2 very short bridesmaids and Darling Husband and I who were in the middle. I don’t think it looked awkward at all. So, I would probably let her wear whatever shoes she wants. Pick your battles.

As for the dress, just put your foot down. Tell her that you are sorry but green is not in your wedding colors and a green dress will not work. Remind her that you told her any pink/coral dress she wanted, it doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid dress. Suggest she scout out department stores for clearance items. A pink dress is not a terribly tall order and she shouldn’t have to spend “hundreds”. If the floor-length thing isn’t that big of a deal, then maybe even let her go shorter if she likes. Just because the wedding is in February, doesn’t automatically mean it has to be a floor-length dress.

Obviously, she is a good enough friend that you asked her to be your only attendent in the first place. I kind of think it’s an over-reaction to demote her over a dress. :/ Why shouldn’t she be concerned about how she looks? Wouldn’t you rather have 2 gorgeous ladies in your pictures, rather than just you? I told my BMs flat out that I didn’t care how they wore their hair or makeup, as long as they looked hot.

Post # 4
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Since she knew your stipulations about what dress to wear as your attendant, I think you should stay firm on what you want.

I agree with zippylef about giving in on the shoes. I’m 5’0 so pretty much everyone is already taller than me. I didn’t mind if my girls looked so much taller than me because that’s who they are.

Remind her that she can wear any dress, as long as it fits the parameters you set. This means that if she doesn’t want to “look the same” by wearing the bridesmaid dress she already has, she doesn’t have to wear THAT one. It doesn’t even have to be a designated “bridesmaid” dress, either.

If it helps, you could look up dresses online that aren’t so expensive and send her a few examples of dresses that would work for you. That might get her moving on shopping around for a dress that is within her budget and also fits your wedding vision. Tell her you’re not just going to change your wedding colors (of which, I believe the bridesmaid dresses are a major part!).

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

And, here are a few suggestions I found for a dress.

http://www.dillards.com/product/Adrianna-Papell-for-E!-Live-From-the-Red-Carpet-OneShoulder-Gown_301_-1_301_502643805?splashlink=dd_w_tc1_dressesspecialoccasion_060111

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Long-Jersey-Dress-Charmeuse-Straps-and-Waist-F13095?cm_mmc=GMCMER-_-%20Bridesmaids-_-Long%20Jersey%20Dress%2C%20Charmeuse%20Straps%20and%20Waist%20Style%20F13095%2C%20Candy%20Pink%2C%2020-_-6166506&channel=GMCMER&mr:trackingCode=41719B46-AF50-E011-AD03-001B2163195C&mr:referralID=NA

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Long-Charmeuse-Halter-Dress-with-Brooch-636857T_Bridal-Party-Features-Dresses-Under-$100

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Chiffon-A-Line-Strapless-Dress-with-Pleated-Bust-F13287_Bridal-Party-Features-Dresses-Under-$100

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-Ball-Gown-with-X-Neckline-and-Beading-F13777_Bridal-Party-Features-Dresses-Under-$100

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Soft-Crinkle-Chiffon-Halter-with-Draped-Cascade-F12688_Bridal-Party-Features-Dresses-Under-$100

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Chiffon-Dress-with-Beaded-Neckline-F14006_Bridal-Party-Features-Dresses-Under-$100

http://www.unique-vintage.com/fuchsia-large-pleat-strapless-taffeta-dress-p-14094.html

http://www.unique-vintage.com/raspberry-silver-beaded-shoulder-empire-waist-chiffon-prom-dress-p-10456.html

http://www.unique-vintage.com/raspberry-silver-beaded-shoulder-empire-waist-chiffon-prom-dress-p-10456.html

http://www.unique-vintage.com/fuchsia-rose-ruched-shoulder-gown-p-8928.html

http://www.unique-vintage.com/final-sale-striking-fuchsia-rhinestone-shoulder-gown-p-8522.html

http://www.unique-vintage.com/fuchsia-chiffon-empire-waisted-beaded-prom-gown-size-p-8682.html

And that’s just a few examples, and only the long ones. There are a ton of shorter options as well, all under $100.

Post # 6
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

In regards of your dress, she have already known about this special request from you. You should not give in on this bit. But regarding the shoes, you should just let her wear the highheels.

 

Do you still feel like asking somebody else to be your MOH?

Hope it sorts itself out!

 

Post # 7
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Unless your Maid/Matron of Honor is in a really bad financial situation you shouldn’t pay for her dress. You are the bride and you have enough things to pay for. Most brides just pick out the BMs dresses and shoes and make them pay for them so I think you are being very easy going by only specifying a heel high and dress length and color and not just telling you what dress and shoes to wear. I think you should stay firm on all of these requests. I think that you should also ask your friend from colloge to also be a Bridesmaid or Best Man since it seems like you are getting close to her again. Then maybe you can have her pick out her coral pink dress and tell your Maid/Matron of Honor that you have included one BM and she has already chosen her coral pick dress and that she needs to follow suite. But don’t change your wedding colors for her if she refuses to wear a dress with your specifications then give her the boot. But don’t forget that she hasn’t refused yet.

Post # 8
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is this typical behavior for this friend?  The thought of telling a bride that I don’t want to wear her colors or be picky about what I wear at all (dress, shoes, etc) seems a little off to me.  If she doesn’t normally act this way, maybe ask if there is something else going on?  If she’s just being fussy, I agree with PP’s- tell her you’ll let her wear whatever shoes she wants, but that the dress criteria is going to have to stay.  Good luck!:)

Post # 9
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If you have not actually sat her down and had a hart to hart then you need to do so ASAP!  It sounds like you have not been as forcefull with your decision and maybe she thinks she can change your mind.  You really can not blame a girl for simply “asking” if she can use her green dress instead

You should not think about demoting her uless she flat out refuses to choose a coral dress.

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