(Closed) MOH problems!!!!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Am I wrong for wanting payback?
    Yes, just be the great friend/MOH : (15 votes)
    48 %
    No, Payback is a Mutherf$&ker : (4 votes)
    13 %
    Just turn down any future offer of being MOH : (12 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 3
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @mrsberry2011:  Are you still hanging out as friends?

    Have you had a friendly catch up recently? Could something be going on in her life that’s making her act this way?

    It seems strange that she would be so uninterested, especially since you live together.

    Have you been talking only about the wedding recently? I can see how maybe since you live together she’s a bit on wedding overload and might feel she lost you as a friend?

    While you may be upset now, it might be a little vindictive to hope to be her Maid/Matron of Honor just to “give her a taste of her own medicine.”

    Post # 4
    4518 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Hmm. Can I ask why she’s living in your spare bedroom rent free? Is it because she’s unemployed or going through an otherwise difficult time? If so, that could possibly explain her not taking a bigger role in the planning. Or maybe the fact that she lives with you is making her tired of being immeresd in wedding planning, whereas your more distant BMs can be excited about it, since they’re not living right on top of the wedding planning. Just a couple of possible explanations…I could be wrong! In any case, if I were you I’d very gently ask her if everything’s ok.

    Post # 6
    1101 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Sounds like this girl needs to be downgraded. And the fact that she doesn’t talk about your wedding or try to help, could she be jealous? She doesn’t need to be stressing you out, she’s suppose to be the biggest help bc she is Maid/Matron of Honor. If she’s going through something in her life, she needs to communicate with you, shutting herself in her room is not helping the situation. I’m sorry your going through this. 

    Post # 7
    1561 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    “Am I being immature for wanting to be her Maid/Matron of Honor in the future only to treat her the same way as she is treaing me?”

    Yes.  I understand that you are hurt, but this payback stuff is just mean spirited.  

    Post # 8
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Just remember: As tempting as paybacks may seem, karma will always bite you in the butt in the end. Be the better person. Don’t do it.

    Post # 10
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I can understand why you are disappointed in her lack of attention, but it sounds like she’s having a difficult time with your wedding.

    I had a single friend (who was a MOH-type) who had a similar problem.  It manifested itself more after the wedding – where she felt like she was being replaced and my wedding just highlighted her own insecurities abou being single.

    I’d encourage you to have a talk with your friend and tell her that it’s been hurting you that she seems disinterested.  Take the initiative to ask her to join you to do some wedding related event (vs. her initiating).

    Post # 12
    579 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    No- two wrongs dont make a right. If i was you i would be the best Maid/Matron of Honor still and let her subconcious feel guilty. Or your other option is after the wedding withdrawl from her a bit. She might realize how she has acted when you’re not so available!

    Post # 13
    2716 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Please do NOT downgrade her and upgrade someone else.  That’s a very rude thing to do and will only result in more drama and hurt feelings.  Your Maid/Matron of Honor is not required to help you with anything.  Does it suck that she doesn’t want to be involved – absolutely!  But she doesn’t have to throw you parties, go dress shopping, help with the planning, etc.  If you need help with something, ask your Fiance – afterall it’s his wedding too!

    I don’t think you have a Maid/Matron of Honor problem, I think you have a friend problem.  You should sit down with her and discuss how you feel.  Does she ask you about non-wedding related things?  Tell her you’re hurt you don’t spend much time together and feel like you are drifting apart.  I wouldn’t mention anything about the wedding.

    Post # 14
    2999 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @RunsWithBears:  Agreed. My friend is getting marreid this year and I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor but TBH I’m doing minimal work on the wedding anymore! Why?? I turned into her psuedo wedding planner and the same reasons above! The ONLY thing this girl talks to me about is her wedding. That’d great that she’s excited and all but there is no talk of my life aside from the 2 minutes of convo I can get in before she starts blabbing about what I’m SUPPOSED to be doing for her bach/shower! Its just flat out annoying! Those things are not required of me as a bridal party member- they are a gift. One which I was happy to give but now don’t want to because the meaning is lost. I’ve stopped offering help and instead give it when I am asked.

    Take the time to reconnect with your friend with no mention of the wedding and I’ll almost guarantee that she’ll warm up to you and the wedding! Good luck OP

    Post # 16
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I am wondering if she feels that all you talk about is the wedding and that maybe she can’t escape it at all with you living there?  I can see how it can become more like a chore and less like fun for her?

    Perhaps pop in a movie and open a bottle of wine and try to do some projects with her?  I would have much more incentive to do crafts if there was wine, chocolate and girly movies to supplement it!

    The topic ‘MOH problems!!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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