Post # 1
I got engaged recently and asked my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She then got engaged shortly after I did, and then set her wedding date a couple months before mine. She then told me after sharing all of my ideas with her as my Maid/Matron of Honor that she was changing some things in her wedding to something similar to my plans. I tried to explain to her that it would make me feel better if she would just work with me and run things by me since our weddings are so close before she makes decisions like that. She says she doesn’t need to ask my permission to make her day the way she wants it, which I get, but I just don’t feel I’m getting the support I need from her and asked her to step down to a bridesmaid. She hasn’t responded to my email and I’m afraid of losing my best friend. Did I do the right thing?
Post # 3
Asking her to step down was pretty much a friendship ender. Why not just stop running things by her & have her stand next to you as your MOH? Just bc she had that title does not mean you have to have her input on things.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
If you want my honest opinion– no.
It sounds to me like the only issue you had was her changing her mind about some of her wedding choices based on the ideas you’ve talked about together; and she didn’t comply when you asked her not to. What does it matter if she uses some of the ideas for parts of her wedding? You guys are friends right? This website and many more are based on the concept of sharing ideas and copying eachother– you should be flattered that she likes some of your plans enough to encorporate those ideas into her own wedding too.
Post # 6
No. First you asked her to run her decisions by you, for HER wedding? And then you emailed her that she was being demoted? I think you were pretty harsh. I think if there is any hope of repairing this friendship you need to talk to her face to face. Or if that isn’t possible, then a phone call. This shouldn’t be done on email.
Post # 7
Yeah, my Fiance and I are figuring things out on our own. Sure, I asked Maid/Matron of Honor input on Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, but that’s about it.
My youngeer sister and step-sister got married 2 weeks apart, and they were in eachother’s weddings. To make sure their ideas weren’t melded, they gave eachother limited details. Things worked out, and each girl had a wedding that reflected them and their FI’s. Also, they are still BFF’s so it CAN be done 🙂
Post # 8
Short answer, no. I agree with everything that Bostongrl25 said. I can understand your frustration that she was changing aspects of her wedding to be more similar to yours, however I would probably just stop running things by her if I were worried about the events being too similar. Definitely talk to her in person.
Post # 9
@mamadingdong: Well said. OP, I sympathize with you, I really do. I have a friend who got engaged after me and who scheduled her wedding a couple of months after mine. Over the next few months, she changed lots of her ideas to things similar to what I had mentioned doing. Several of our mutual friends were really upset with her and felt like she was copying my ideas (which weren’t really mine- gotta love Pinterest!). But, I just let it go- she has the right to have her day be however she wants it to be and I want our friendship to last long after the last toast is made and the last flower arrangement is wilted.
My advice is- apologize to your friend and explain that you freaked out at how similar your plans were becoming. Tell her that you want her to stand by your side on the big day and then just be more careful about how much detail you share with her between now and her wedding.
Post # 10
You definitely did the wrong thing. If you noticed her wedding was looking alot like yours stop telling her the details. Yes she’s you maid of honor but if you feel that way then keep her out of the loop. I’d be super upset if anyone said hey run your ideas by me so i can approve them for your wedding. I get wanting to have a unique wedding but let’s all face it some things are going to be the same no matter what especially because you are friends and clearly have similar taste since you think she’s copying you. I’m sure she didn’t get engaged and pick her wedding day to annoy you and if you think that she shouldn’t have been your Maid/Matron of Honor anyway. In my opinion you should sit down with her, apologize, and explain to her that you are just worried your weddings will be very similar and people will notice and think you copied her since hers is first. I’m sure she’ll understand, and I’m sure she wants a unique wedding that doesn’t look just like yours, and start sharing with you before hand. You should speak to her quick because If I was her right about now I’d remove myself out of your wedding and out of this friendship
Post # 11
@amybuf: Unfortunately I don’t think this is going to go the way you would like. I was asked to step OUT of a friend’s wedding because we have been having difficulties with our friendship in the last year. She said she wanted us to focus on our weddings and being the good friends we used to be instead of the pressure of being bridesmaids. I agree to an extent, but it hurt our friendship nevertheless and even though the day she got married (last saturday) when I watched 8 frazzled bridesmaids do ALL the work for the wedding (including serving the cake!) I was grateful that I wasn’t one of them, I’m still bitter deep down.
That being said, being a bride I would be way frustrated and hurt if that was the situation with my Maid/Matron of Honor and I would definitely wish she could be more present for me throughout the planning process so I understand how you feel. I have been fortunate enough to have a fantastic Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 12
The most frustrating thing for me is that she wasn’t willing to call me and talk about it, even though I was okay with the change, it was the way she was just letting me know and called me weird when I was skeptical about it. My point is, I want my Maid/Matron of Honor to be there for me, to be able to run ideas by, as a sort of confidant, and I felt so limited, and I didn’t know how else to express that to her. When I tried explaining that to her, she could only focus on specifics and was just making me feel worse that she wasn’t willing to hear me out, even though I agreed I could see things from her side.
Post # 13
You emailed your best friend to tell her she was no longer your maid of honor? And then you had to ask if it was the right thing to do?
Post # 15
MOST (not all) weddings are pretty standard. There are many small ways to incorporate your own personailty but most people have the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception at a hall of some sort. All the gorgeous pinterest and magazine ideas we have do not really transpire to our wedding day unless you either take a lot of personal time to DIY these things, or have a ton of money to add them. Even if two brides like the same inspiration pictures, it does not mean they will turn out the same way. I don’t think you should have asked her to step down, that was rude, In My Humble Opinion. My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and I haven’t asked her opinion on anything – it’s my wedding! If anything, I have asked my om. And for the Bridesmaid or Best Man I only had them try on the dresses, I have nto asked for any input. I think you should apologize because everyone wants their wedding to be special, she probably feels as though you value your wedding over hers (which you do, and you should), but you should be polite about it.
Post # 16
It was her wedding colors that she changed to be close to mine. I already apologized to her for being upset about that, and already tried talking to her about hey the weddings are close, let’s just be courteous to each other so that we both can have our day, and she is the one who said about asking permission, I would never tell her she couldn’t do something, but that’s what hurts, almost like she doesn’t care whether I care or not, so I don’t feel like we have a good friendship anyway, even though we have been friends since 4th grade. My fiance thinks my other best friend has shown way more support and initiative and acts like she really cares about me, and I just wanted to end that drama, but am worried how she’s taking it, I felt like I was doomed to be stepped on the whole process of my wedding planning experience.