Post # 32
@amybuf: So everyone else thought it was a good idea, and you went with it? Your best friend and you sent her an email to demote her? Not cool. Don’t be surprised if she never does answer, because that was a crap thing to do.
If she does answer, you should apologize. Or you should call her and tell her you were upset and didn’t think it all the way through before firing off an email. And for the love of all things good, STOP TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT IT. Talk to her and her alone. You’re essentially talking crap about one friend to another.
Post # 33
No you did not do the right thing. You should have discussed your issues with her and maybe in the discussion the two of you may have come to a mutual agreement that you need to be considerate of eachother and the things you both may want for your weddings. If you just talked it out you may have been able to figure out a better way to work together in helping eachother plan your weddings. I know that if my best friend asked me to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor that would probably change the relationship forever…..
Post # 34
I’m going to go with the other posters that are incredulous that A. the fact that she was choosing wedding colors similar to yours is something you actually got upset about, B. you requested that she “run things” regarding her wedding by you to make sure it didn’t upset you, and C. You decided to boot her from Maid/Matron of Honor, D. by a freaking email.
OP, you have most likely trashed a friendship over something as minor as wedding colors that no one but you would even be able to remember a year from now, and I can’t believe your mother actually supported this endeavor.
And am I understanding that you are saying your friend doesn’t care about you because she doesn’t feel the need to ask your permission to plan certain details regarding her wedding? That the fact that you got upset over something ridiculous means she has to scrap her plans to placate you, or else she doesn’t really care about you?
If I were you, I would call my friend, plead temporary insanity, and apologize profusely. And probably not take any more advice from your mother. This whole situation was one bad call after another.
Post # 35
@tatum plead temporary insanity that’s funny
Hmm, how does one throw out a long-standing friendship from grade 4 over a little orchid, or that lavender hue, I think you need to get a grip on what’s important what do you value more your friendship or these colors?? I think sadly you have lost sight and in the process lost a friend, a best friend at that, at the end of the day no one remembers all these little details, just the love and the fun is it really worth ruining your friendship over?put yourself in her shoes and you can see why she so upset —-to put it plainly you removed her by email over colors?asking your friend to run things by you is a bit overboard, she is her own person and does not report to you when planning her own wedding; imitation is the best flattery,and she’s not supportive because she is not doing as you say?
two words…damage control
Post # 36
Yeah even with your updates it seems wrong. I think it’s natural your mom and Fi are going to see what you say and think you right or coddle you a lot of people do that.
The fact of the matter is weddings colors and other details are popular and are being done over and over and over again. From what you said in the op it seems like you were trying to micromange her wedding. It just wrong on all levels. Do you really want to end a friendship over something like wedding colors? It’s just crazy to me.
Another thing for all the planning and we brides do over the details like wedding colors I ganrantee you if you asked your guest the morning after the wedding what your colors were and what the centerpieces looked like the majority of them wouldn’t be able to tell you.
It seems like from your responses that you made up your mind that you are in the right and the moh is wrong and you did the right thing. If you truly feel this way, then live with the consequences to what you did even if that means ending a freindship.
Post # 37
OP: I think you owe her an apology. Or maybe this is for the best. For her.
Post # 38
OP, I sadly think that you’ve damaged your friendship in a major and lasting way. I’m trying to see your point of view, because to be honest I completely don’t understand the whole “my wedding ideas” territorialness that I see in some brides. No one has ownership over ideas, and perhaps she was offended first when you suggested she “run ideas by you”…..I know I would be.
At this point, I think you need to decide what’s important to you….and if you want to salvage this friendship I think you owe her a sincere, in-person apology and then talk it out to move forward so that both of you can be supportive of each other during this wedding planning.
Post # 39
OK guys, first I want to thank all of the girls who were trying to see where I was coming from, I appreciate that. I also appreciate all of the girls who made me feel like crap, because it actually reaffirmed my decision. I left out details so that now one was bashed publicly on the internet, really what the problem was was that she lives far away from me and is busy with things on top of her wedding. I was planning on calling her last night when I checked my email quick and she had written me back. She said she understood why I came to that decision and that she would support me either way. I decided to give her a call because I felt horrible about the way I presented myself. After talking to her, we agreed that it would be best for us to keep that small distance, so that I’m not freaking out on her wondering why she hasn’t responded to my voicemails, and she agreed to still be involved in planning a bachelorette party, and we are still going to bounce ideas off each other, because we are really good at that. When it came down to it, it wasn’t about the colors or ideas, it was about the distance, and this way I’m not expecting so much from her that she isn’t able to give right now, and we can still remain great friends. After seeing her response, I know that I do really have a golden friend, and I was ruining the friendship by asking and expecting so much from her, in a way I am releasing her so that I can support her more, and don’t have the stress of all the titles in the way. She is still and will forever be my bestie, BFFFL, and I love her. That’s all that matters anyway. So thanks guys, you did help me get a little better perspective, but I already had waited on this decision two weeks before I posted on here, it was great to see everyone’s opinion, I love the amount of responses, that’s great! I’ll try not to post anything on here that gets that kind of a response again, and what I mean by that is, my goal now is to be a bride that you all can be proud of. Thanks again guys.
Post # 40
I am sorry you felt like crap, however, I feel the need to point out that this latest follow up is 180 degrees from your original post.
There is a world of difference between “my moh changed details of her wedding to be more like mine and then gave me attitude when I suggested she check with me first before making any more decisions and so I punted her from Maid/Matron of Honor via email” and “my Maid/Matron of Honor lives far away from me, is busy planning her own wedding, and just isn’t that accessible right now, and I feel like making her a bridesmaid instead of Maid/Matron of Honor would be putting less pressure on her and would make our relationship better”.
I think had you just posted with the second story, which you say was the real issue, you would have gotten a lot more support.
Anyways, glad you and your friend worked it out.
Post # 41
I think what you did was pretty selfish and awful… and if my friend did this to me the friendship would be over…
But as others have said, you already made up your mind that what you did was ok as you keep justifying it… not sure why you came here? Maybe thinking people would support what you did to your friend… You asked people’s opinion.. they gave it (and it was a majority that what you did was wrong so it’s not “picking on you”) and then said you were being bashed and thanked everyone who agreed with you…
If this is how you are with your friends, I can see why she snapped when you suggested she run her wedding decisions by you.
Nobody is even going to remember your colors let alone if they’re only “similar”..