Post # 1
When I get married, my sister is going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Problem is, she’s barely going to be 18, just off to college (not in my town), and will have never been to a wedding before (besides when she was less than 5 years old). How do I handle giving her the Maid/Matron of Honor duties? I know she is absolutely clueless about them. Should I ask if my future sister in law can take over some of the duties? She lives in town and knows all about weddings, and we get along great. Would I be stepping on my sister’s toes? Or saving her a lot of grief and worry?
Post # 3
My Maid/Matron of Honor is also my sister, and she’s 16. I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor knowing that she will be doing absolutely nothing. One of my other bridesmaids have stepped up to help. I’d say that if you want, you can just give your sister a list of very specific duties and not assume that she’ll know what to do.
Post # 4
My sister was only 19 when she was my maid of honor, so I didn’t expect a whole lot from her either. I did send her a wedding magazine with articles on how to be in a bridal party about a year out from our wedding, but that was as far as I went. There were no parties or late night crafting get togethers, but I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else up there with me. I agree with graciette2 about specific duties.
Post # 5
My mom is my Maid/Matron of Honor and I knew she was not going to know all of the ins and outs of being the Maid/Matron of Honor. So what i did was put together a bridesmaids packet of information early on in the planning process that had preliminary ideas for color and decor and profiles on the girls and basic information about hotels and timelines and stuff. And I also included a list of "bridesmaids duties". I found the information online in different places (just from doing google searches) and then took out anything I thought was silly or over the top. I feel that people don’t mind helping if they know what to do and what is expected of them.
In your particular situation, I’d recommend spreading out the responsabilities more evenly that way everyone is involved and no one carries the brunt of the work (especiall with your sister being in college and such). If she’s not that up on wedding ettiquette then she probably won’t even know that you’re "taking away" some of her responsabilities. Good Luck!!!
Post # 6
Thanks girls!! Your ideas are great. I think I will give her a small list of things that are important for her to do (like I really want her to make a little toast at the wedding, hold my bouquet, etc.) and then leave the rest up to my bridesmaids, whom I will divvy up the duties between. And bonnie, you’re right, she’ll have no idea that I’m "taking away" some of her duties!!
Post # 7
Same situation here. I talked with my sister and then with my other bridesmaids and they all were really helpful. My sister’s primary role will be getting info to my out-of-state family. (She lives where they do.) My other two bridesmaids are sharing all the local responsibilites so my sister can drive in, wear the dress and enjoy the day. I felt she deserved the role, but the logistics didn’t make sense. I am lucky my friends are so understanding!
My best advice is to ditch the traditional roles and make a list of all the duties. Then pair the duties up to whoever is the best canidate. Gracefully, of course, so no one is offended!
Post # 8
My 24 year old sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor but she is not a party/wedding person and none of her friends have gotten married so I was a little concerned. But then my dad told me that she has been researching Maid/Matron of Honor duties online so that she would be on top of things. I know, she’s totally adorable! But I’m also going to be sure to tell her what I need and want her to do for me so that we are on the same page. I think if you explain things to your sister, everything will be fine.
Post # 9
My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor, and although she is 35, she has a new baby and a job that requires a lot of travel and lives halfway across the country. We just decided right up front what being Maid/Matron of Honor will actually mean – it can be whatever you want! And that way she gets to do the stuff she really wants to do, and I am finding other ways to get the rest done. As long as there aren’t any misunderstandings and nothing fails to get accomplished, what really matters is who you want standing up there next to you! If that’s your sister, then I’m sure you can find a way to tailor the job to her that works out great.