posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1183 posts
Bumble bee

You definitely shouldn’t put yourself or your child in dire financial straits for what appear to be over-the-top demands of a bride, and one to whom you’re not even super close. Just because she’s getting married doesn’t mean it’s reasonable for her to expect all of her friends to spend beyond their means, or even just more than they’re comfortable spending. Have you spoken to her about all this? If she IS a good friend, she should be understanding. 

Either way, you don’t have to pay for anything happening during the bachelorette party if you’re not going. If she gets upset with you for not paying or stepping down or feeling uncomfortable spending so much money, then it’s probably better that you distance yourself from the friendship. 

Post # 3
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You don’t need to fly out to Miami and if she wants to dress you all in matching outfits for her bachelorette that’s her perogative to pay for all these little outfits.

Don’t spend more than you can afford on someone else’s wedding, if you feel like you want to step down then do it.

Post # 4
4890 posts
Honey bee

‘No’ is a complete sentence.  You’re a parent; surely you must be acquainted with the word.

No one needs someone to fly with them to pick up a dress.  Hell she could have it shipped to her home.

She can suggest things all she wants, but unless she is hosting and paying she really doesn’t get a say.  You also aren’t required to attend.

The maid in maid of honor isn’t literal.  It’s not a job title.  It’s about recognizing and honoring someone important to you.  If she doesn’t recognize that then she can be the selfish ignorant bad guy.

Meanwhile, you work on using the word no more frequently.

“Unfortunately I don’t have the time or budget for a trip to Miami.  But I’d love to see a pic of the dress when you do go pick it up!”

“Sorry, I’m sure you’ll have a blast at your party but I just can’t go.  But I’d love to treat you to dinner and have a girls night in town.”

And so on and so forth.  I’m assuming the two of you didn’t just meet.  She must be at least somewhat acquainted with your personal beliefs and the fact that you are a single parent.  Hearing that you have time and budget constraints may be disappointing, but shouldn’t be a big shock to her.  You just need to actually voice them.

Post # 5
1215 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m stuck on “royal themed wedding” but it sounds like her expectations are in line with what the royals would have – except I think they would pay for all the travel and outfits they required of their bridal party! 

Just tell her you aren’t able to do all of these things, and let her know that you are excited to stand up with her at the wedding. If she thinks the MOH’s role is to shell out tons of cash and you aren’t able to do that, offer to be a regular bridesmaid or a guest instead.

Post # 6
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
seauxposhmamita :  I would talk to her and just tell her the position that you’re in, she should back off with her crazy demands or accept that you are unable to “comply” and let her choose another Maid/Matron of Honor (although I don’t know a ton of people that would do what she’s asking).

If you arent participating in the bachelorette party, does she know this? Does she expect you to plan and pay for the party that you’re not even attending? 

Post # 7
1994 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Bee, honestly I’d back out and let these other BM’s who obviously have the funds to pay for all of the expenses, have the title.  They want to spend that kind of coin let em’ have at it.  Do what you can afford.  If your friend can’t understand this then she’s really not your friend. 

I’m amazed at the OTT demands/requests some of these brides make of their “friends” for their one day event.  They tend to put more work into the wedding prep than they do the actual marriage.  I know I’ll get flak for that last statement and I don’t care.

Post # 13
2610 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
seauxposhmamita :  she had made a comment that everyone needs to save months in advance to be able to pay for their portion as bridesmaids. 

Nope, just.. nope. You should absolutely drop out as a bridesmaid. Those are beyond ridiculous demandsand you’re better off just saying that you’re a single mom and can’t afford the whole ordeal, rather than fighting her over every (totally unreasonable) demand. 

She doesn’t get to spend your money for you just because SHE is getting married. It’s not even acceptable for her to choose a bridesmaid dress without consulting with you on an approprite budget. Let alone demanding you buy several outfits you’ll never wear again and fly around to go shopping.

Post # 14
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
seauxposhmamita :  The Maid/Matron of Honor needs to buy “gifts” for the bridesmaids? Lol, that is NOT a thing. She needs a reality check, this kind of behavior is going to leave her with zero friends.

Good luck bee, don’t let her take advantage of you!

Post # 15
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m cracking up at this tacky ho having a royal themed wedding but wanting matching Bridesmaid or Best Man outfits and strippers and other people paying for gifts SHE should be covering  Okay, Madame. That sounds exactly like what Mary and Mathilde and Max and Meghan were doing with their weddings.

Now that you have a sense of what her expectations are, you can make an informed decision about whether or not you are a good fit. It sounds like you might not be. I’d tell her that I needed to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor and simply attend as a guest since she clearly has some expectations that aren’t going to align with your reality.

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